In This Life
by Miss Peg
Summary: Late one night Emily takes a trip to the supermarket, there she runs into a blonde, feisty girl arguing with a shop worker about eggs. And the rest, as they say, is history, or in this case, fanfiction. Naomily!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Let's pretend that Skins never happened. Of course we still get to keep the characters and for the most part everything is still the same...except Naomi didn't go to Roundview. Let's see what could have happened!**

**P.S. I do realise I have other fics I need to finish, I'm hoping feeling excited over a new fic will help. I do plan to finish 'It Ends Tonight' soon.**

**In This Life**

There's no such thing as silence. Even when there's no one talking, the world is full of sound. The way fabric rubs together when a person walks, birds singing in trees, aeroplanes flying through the sky. At one forty-six in the morning. The majority of people were tucked up in bed ready for the next day to begin. Emily Fitch, however, arrived at a supermarket with a list in hand. The place was busier than she'd expected; a dozen or so cars parked in the car park and two staff members sat behind tills. Despite there being a number of people around, there was a strange silence created by the lack of music playing and the decreased number of shoppers. Emily pushed her trolley around the aisles, noticing for the first time the lack of silence. When she walked past the meat and dairy sections, the fridges buzzed, an incessant droning that had it been all she could hear for days, Emily suspected it would send her mad. Various aisles of crisps, shampoo, cat food, kitchen roll and many more products should have been the hub of quiet. Instead she listened to another shopper humming along to a song Emily didn't recognise, or a member of staff throwing multi-packs of crisp onto a shelf. Each sound new and frighteningly loud compared to what Emily was used to. She continued shopping, traipsing up and down the aisles in search of items she didn't desperately require but wanted to purchase anyway.

'All I want is a packet of eggs, is that too much to ask?' Emily hovered by the flour, watching as a customer snapped at a perturbed looking worker.

That was the first time she noticed her, the first time her eyes set upon the white-blonde hair and sea-deep eyes. She was beautiful; not in the conventional supermodel kind of way, Emily noted, just, beautiful. _Transcendent_, she thought, before realising how silly that word sounded when comparing the beauty of a stranger. She wasn't even sure why she was so captured by her. She was, after all, someone she didn't know and chances were someone she never would know. That didn't stop her looking, watching her move gracefully, her arms flailing about as her mouth spouted out a speech that outlined how cruel battery eggs were and what a disgrace it was that anyone still sold them. The boy, barely out of school, didn't care, he unpacked his crate and when the plastic was removed from the free range eggs, the blonde was off on her way.

'Fuck,' Emily muttered under her breath as she dropped a packet of self-raising flour carelessly on the ground. She bent down to pick it up and when she'd replaced it on the shelf, the girl was gone.

'Do you need any bags?' the woman at the till asked, passing her a handful when she answered. Emily began loading her shopping into the plastic carrier bags. She stifled a yawn, covering her mouth with her hand.

'Bit late to be doing a full shop?' the woman asked, surprisingly chipper for someone working through the night.

'I'm not that tired,' Emily replied, making small talk. She _was_ tired.

Summer had arrived, the sticky nights that only came round once in a while had appeared and Emily couldn't sleep. She'd tossed and turned for a couple of hours before getting out of bed and dressing again. Her laptop was still on, so she checked her Facebook page, where she read a message from her sister offering her the option of a double date for later that week. She quickly declined, the ease of typing words she'd never say in person not escaping her. Food was her next thought, a midnight snack; a sandwich made of cheese and pepperoni. Only she had neither cheese, nor pepperoni, there wasn't even two slices of bread. She made a list, checked the cupboards, made sure to leave nothing out. When she was done she realised there was little in for breakfast and certainly not enough variety for lunch and dinner unless she wanted to eat baked beans and apples for both meals.

'That'll be sixty-four seventy-two, the woman stated, pulling Emily from her daydream.

'Keeps going up and up,' she muttered, getting a smile reaction from the woman.

Her mind drifted again as she pushed her trolley towards the exit. A DVD display pulled her attention away long enough for her to push her trolley right into another one. Metal collided, sounding worse than the minimal damage she imagined would happen.

'Watch where you're going,' the other shopper snapped, her voice familiar to Emily. She looked up at her, stopping when their eyes met and Emily got lost in that same sea of blue. A sea of blue that she finally realise was one she'd come across before. A distant memory but one that stood out as clear as that evening. That same pointed nose, eyes with a hint of grey and lips that looked ready to be kissed. She _had _kissed them. _Once_. Ten years ago.

'Not even going to fucking apologise?'

Emily jumped, pulled from the past and back to the present where the girl, Naomi she was called, stared at her with contempt. 'I'm, I'm sorry.'

'You don't even bring your own bags,' she pointed out with a roll of the eyes. 'I should have guessed, selfish, ignorant people.'

'What?' Emily asked, transported back to her teenage years with a simple sentence.

'_Ignore them, it's good that you're passionate about something.'_

'_I don't care, they're a bunch of fucking tits.'_

'_Exactly. Besides, I think it's great that you care so much about the environment.'_

'I forgot to bring my other bags,' she muttered, smiling at Naomi as she analysed her slightly matured features.

'Oh, okay.'

'I'm really sorry for not paying attention to where I was going,' Emily continued, attempting to right her wrong, despite the frosty response she got in return. If it had been anyone else she'd have been offended, but she distinctly remembered the cool exterior of the first person she ever kissed. The first girl she ever felt something for.

'It's okay. Do we, have we met before?'

'I don't think so,' she lied, tripping over a stuttered response before regretting her dishonesty. She thought about her life since the kiss, since she chose to step away from the straight life her family expected of her and allowed her feelings to take control. She reminded herself of how many times she'd done that since Katie pulled her from Naomi's mouth, dragged her out of the party before she could even say goodbye.

Emily didn't move, or speak, instead she watched the Naomi repeat herself and turn her trolley away. Emily's heart ached for a missed conversation, a righting of a wrong. Her heart jumped about in her chest, forcing her to feel, whatever it was causing her gaze to linger over Naomi longer than she knew was expected. Longer than she ever had, even then. She watched her until she'd turned down an aisle, disappearing further into the supermarket. Emily pushed on the handles of her trolley, guiding it towards the exit, towards her car and away from the only person to ever make Emily feel brave.

When she arrived home she was anything but tired, in fact she was elated, a second wind caused by, she didn't know what it was caused by.

The next night she returned to the supermarket, not because she couldn't sleep, she found herself drawn in by the silence, by the persistent sounds that could send people to sleep. She pushed a trolley around the aisles, barely caring to look at the products on the shelves. By the time she was ready to leave, her trolley was empty and her eyes were drooping from tiredness. She could have slept for hours had she been home.

'What the fuck am I doing?' she muttered, staring around the entrance of the shop. She didn't need anything, couldn't really afford to spend much money even if she did. Then she saw it; a flash of blonde, whiter than a brand new t-shirt and her heart began racing along until the woman turned around and Emily realised it was someone else. Her hair was a few inches longer, her eyes chocolate like her own and her stature about a foot shorter than the girl she hadn't realised she'd been waiting for.

The next night she went again, for no apparent reason, or so she had herself believe. She filed through the clothes section, found a couple of cheap tops and carried them around the rest of the supermarket in a basket. Every hint of blonde causing her to jump out of her skin; hope, excitement, fear, all things she'd felt on that night, there sending her body into an adrenaline induced wakefulness. But for another night the blonde didn't show.

By the fourth night she wasn't sure why she even went along, what purpose it would serve when she had little money to spend and plenty of sleep to catch up on. She wandered slowly around the aisles, stopping for a while by the eggs, reading a story on one of the boxes about a free range farm not far away. She wondered why Naomi bought eggs from the supermarket at all when she seemed so interested in animal welfare. Another night and the she didn't appear.

The next night Emily went along with yearning in her heart. She wasn't sure why, but she needed to see Naomi again, to watch her hair move about her shoulders, or stare for a moment longer into those blue eyes. Her beauty lived on in memory and always had done, for years she'd thought about her frequently. Wishing she'd acted upon her feelings, fought against her family's prejudices and told the world that she, Emily Fitch, was gay. Naomi wasn't there, her chance to perhaps try again slowly dissipating as the night went on. Emily assumed she'd probably never see her again, a lost opportunity. An opportunity shaped in a way she wasn't even sure she wanted. Her mind wandered, her heart raced and she wished for things she'd never allowed to happen.

Exactly a week later, Emily stood in the entrance, a trolley in her hands, as she began her stroll through the shop.

'Last night,' she told herself. She wasn't going to go again, except to do her shopping. A week of pointless endeavours that went nowhere. It was a waste of time, a waste of money and a waste of energy. That was, until she saw her. Blonde hair neatly organised on her shoulders, blue eyes disappearing into her sockets as she rolled them sarcastically. Naomi, stood by the same worker, tapping her foot with impatience as she awaited the release of the free range eggs.

Instead of going to her, talking to her, Emily turned around and walked right out of the supermarket.

**Author Note****: What did you think? If you liked it, or even if you didn't, please tell me in a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you sooo much for all of the lovely reviews you gave me last chapter, it certainly is lovely to be back here properly writing again and your support certainly makes it more enjoyable! :-D I hope you enjoy part two!**

**For LuvActually, you may not realise it, but your writing is what inspired me here. I've been in a bit of a rut of late and reading the last chapter of Coin Laundry changed that and so this was born. :-) So thank you!**

**In This Life**

There she was, again. Naomi. The person that made Emily's heart beat faster. The person that scared her more than anything. She watched her from an aisle, looked her up and down as her foot tapped impatiently at the shop worker. Emily took a deep breath and walked up to her, dropped her basket on the floor and pulled her into a passionate embrace. _No_. She backtracked, her thought process beginning again. Naomi stood at a distance from her, too far away, yet too close. She wanted to walk towards her, wished she could kiss her right there in the dairy aisle. Only Emily Fitch wasn't that kind of person, had never had the confidence for public displays of affection, let alone jumping the object of desire.

'Gordon MacPherson said that girls only shave their cunts because they secretly wish other girls would give them oral sex.'

Katie almost spat out a mouthful of food into her hand. Emily's attention wavered and she felt her cheeks flush. She was warm, unusually so. Thoughts of Naomi dispersed amongst the reality around her and she joined her family in staring at her brother. It took a moment for James's words to process in her brain, forcing her cheeks to turn even redder.

'Don't talk like that at the dinner table,' Jenna reprimanded.

'But,' James began to argue.

'Listen to your mother, you're a man now James, start acting like one. You can't go around saying stuff like that.'

'Why not?'

Katie scoffed loudly in Emily's ear. 'Because it's fucking disgusting. I don't shave because,'

It was James's turn to scoff as Katie's cheeks grew bright and she trailed off. Emily stared down at her vegetables, carefully slicing them up and forking a few into her mouth. Before she could stop herself, she was back in the supermarket, pinning Naomi up against the eggs.

'_Fuck they're breaking, we'll to have to pay for them all,' Emily noted as their bodies pushed the eggs to the floor._

'_Fuck the eggs.'_

The imaginary possibility sent Emily's body into a spin; her heart rate sped along and her mouth grew dry. She was conscious of her fork hitting the plate and her body shaking. Then four pairs of eyes landed on her and she was pulled from the heated thoughts inside of her head. Once again Emily's cheeks grew red beyond her control and she had to sip on her glass of wine to calm down.

'Everything alright love?' Rob asked her, filling up her glass as soon as it emptied.

'Yeah,' Emily gasped, nodding hastily until she became conscious of her impression of a nodding dog. She stopped moving and returned to the food on her plate, carefully slicing each piece of carrot and asparagus as though each were a work of art.

Back in her tiny apartment, Emily regrouped her thoughts. _Naomi. Seeing Naomi. Kissing Naomi. Sex with Naomi. _They weren't right. She shouldn't have been thinking of anyone at a family dinner, let alone the one person she would have happily allowed into her bed at that moment. _Never even had sex. _The thought didn't escape her, never escaped her when her level of need reached an unhealthy high. The thoughts sent her searching the cupboards, analysing levels of food she'd bought at a different supermarket. The quality wasn't as good and as far as she was concerned, worth less than she paid for it. A small price to pay for avoiding Naomi.

'You don't want to avoid her,' Emily snapped at herself, throwing a packet of rice back into the cupboard and heading towards the fridge.

She'd considered it all day, going back. A week had passed and every night she'd put on her jacket, picked up her keys and climbed into her car. Some nights she didn't turn on the engine, others she arrived at the supermarket but didn't get out of the car.

'What are you so scared of?' she asked herself after walking up to the entrance twice, before turning back and going home.

Fear. Phobias. They were usually irrational thoughts, a process connecting incidents locked in a person's subconscious until something current sent the same feelings back to the body. The many things Emily had to be scared of was immeasurable; family, labels, reality. If she let herself want Naomi, she would open herself up to getting hurt. She would set the ball rolling for a truth she'd always been too scared to admit out loud. Naomi didn't exactly scream gay, which only fed Emily's worries further. Instead she sat at the kitchen table eating the last of her Muller Rice pots and contemplating the possibilities if she took that same journey once more.

'I'm waiting.'

Emily didn't need to reach the eggs to know that Naomi was already there, the sound of her foot tapping echoed down the aisle and her voice travelled further than Emily had expected it to. She stopped between them, a silent spectator that neither of them acknowledged. Kissing Naomi was out of the question. She wasn't even sure how best to greet her. In the end she couldn't take her eyes off Naomi's expression; perturbed, frustrated and extremely sexy. Whenever anyone referred to someone appearing sexy when mad she'd always been confused, until that moment.

'What the fuck?' Naomi asked, causing Emily to realise that piercing blue eyes were no longer staring down the shop worker, but glaring at her. She apologised and reached between the pair of them towards a box of eggs.

Battery-hen eggs. She'd picked up a box of something that Naomi would hate. Too late. The box was already in her hand and she could hardly put them back again. Emily's hands began to shake and she had to place the packet carefully into her basket to avoid dropping it.

'Are you stupid?' Naomi's attention continued to stand on her. 'Do you know what they do to the hens that lay those eggs?'

'Oh.'

Despite being looked at like she had committed the worst of mortal crimes, Emily couldn't rid herself of the feeling that Naomi's anger made her appear more beautiful. She'd never taken kindly to nasty people and wondered what it was about Naomi, who had been anything but nice to her, that kept her coming back for more.

'They're not free-range?' she asked, picking the box up again and analysing it. 'Whoops, I don't usually buy eggs.'

Saved. Emily's heart rated slowed when Naomi's eyes softened, the fierce edges disappearing in favour of a cheeky grin. A smile that transfixed Emily, leaving her feeling ridiculously stupid when Naomi pulled her up on her staring.

'This idiot is taking forever unpacking the only eggs they should be selling.'

When the eggs were released from their shrink-wrapped packaging and Naomi left the man with a further rant about recycling plastic, they walked down the aisle towards the milk. Emily stood at a safe distance, not quite by Naomi's side, but not too far away either. She hated moments where you weren't sure if you were meant to be joining someone, or if you just happened to be travelling in the same direction.

'Have you ever tried Soy milk?' Naomi asked when Emily reached for a carton of semi-skimmed. She shook her head. 'It's not that bad.'

Emily replaced the carton and pulled the same brand of Soy milk off the shelf that Naomi had just put into her basket. They carried on walking again down the aisle, the same level of awkwardness ensuing.

'Do you shop at the same time every week? I've seen you before.' Emily nodded. 'We discussed bags didn't we?'

'Promise I've brought my own bag this week,' Emily muttered, partly through fear and partly in jest. She pulled the plastic bag-for-life from her own bag and dropped it into her basket.

'You look familiar,' Naomi muttered when they stopped by the bread. 'Before here I meant.'

There was so many options. Emily wondered if you could get it wrong with bread, or if her own personal choice would again be the wrong one. She waited until Naomi's hand moved towards the shelf before moving her own. They went towards the same bread, their hands clamping down on the same packet, overlapping each other's fingers.

'Sorry,' they both jumped in, before laughing at themselves. Naomi let go and reached for another loaf. Emily pulled the packet into her basket, thankful that not only had Naomi chosen the same bread as she, but that they'd survived a 'moment' that could have been disastrous.

The question that Emily could and should have ignored played over on her mind until she allowed herself to answer. 'I think we went to middle school together.'

That kiss, all those years ago. Emily couldn't face Naomi's response, wasn't sure she was ready to make such a significant conservation with anyone, let alone Naomi. She wondered if the blonde had any recollection of their moment of passion, whether she still thought about it now, or if she considered it a blotch on her past. They walked towards the checkouts and when Emily took steps away from her, Naomi's shriek made her stumble back in surprise.

'You're Emily?'

She remembered. That was more than Emily had expected. She didn't speak of that moment, or what it meant for them now. Emily didn't ask, just informed her that she was right. Something changed, a shift in the relationship she was slowly building with the person that still scared her. They collected their items, paid and walked towards the exit together. Naomi unlocked a bike by the trolleys and wheeled it towards the road.

'Maybe see you next week,' Naomi smiled as she climbed onto the bike, turned on a couple of lights and began pedalling away.

'Next week,' Emily replied, letting out a breath she hadn't realised had got caught in her throat. She watched Naomi disappear into the darkness and for the first time, she actually felt brave.

**Author Note****: I'd still love to know what you think, I'm considering this my "re-starting" fic, improving, getting better, hopefully. So please review and let me know. :-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you everyone who has reviewed this fic so far, I'm really glad that you all seem to be enjoying it! I'm enjoying writing it and for once I'm attempting to let it flow instead of forcing it to appear. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter as much as the others!**

**In This Life**

Free range eggs, soy milk, fair trade chocolate. The list of things to try, or in fact purchase, was growing with every trip Emily made to the supermarket. She wanted to impress Naomi and for some reason that meant throwing her own personal opinions about food aside and taking on board the things Naomi told her. In reality it was only two shopping trips, approximately an hour of discussing dairy farming and how unfair large companies were to people who made chocolate and coffee. Not that Naomi drank coffee, she always drank tea. Or bought tea, anyway. Really Emily knew very little about her and was quick to keep her own private life just that.

'So Emily,' Naomi smiled, turning around and walking backwards down the deserted aisle. 'What do you do?'

'What do I do?' she asked, baffled by what was supposed to be an easy question.

Naomi chewed on her lip, a trait that Emily had very quickly realised was her most attractive feature and fortunately for Emily, happened often. 'For a job, in life, what keeps you busy.'

'Oh.'

What did she do? She contemplated her life and what was in it; her job, her poky flat and a family who knew very little about what she really thought. She stopped midway down the aisle and began searching through various jars of tomato sauce, more for distraction than wanting to buy any.

'Nothing interesting,' she finally answered.

The answer appeared to fulfil the purpose of the question and they continued shopping. In the bread aisle, Emily asked the same question in return. If she was honest, she'd wanted to know since that second meeting. She wanted to know everything about Naomi. At first it was something of a fascination, a possibility relating to an event that happened a decade ago. Emily knew that it didn't mean Naomi was gay, nor did it mean she even liked her more than as a shopping companion. Yet something was there, something made her keep going back in the hope of discovering more about her.

'So you won't tell me about you, but you want to know about me?'

The accusation in Naomi's voice made Emily freeze in fear. Caught. The thought of Naomi knowing, or at least guessing that she had more purpose than just being polite, left her shaking. But then those sea blue eyes seemed to sink and Emily got lost in the cheeky smile perched on Naomi's lips.

'I am an environmental education officer.'

With that, Naomi disappeared around a corner at a rush, leaving Emily more confused than when she'd asked the question. She quickened her pace and followed Naomi towards the freezers.

'What do environmental education officers do exactly?'

'We go into schools and community groups to teach people about waste water, climate change and deforestation, amongst other things.'

Passion. That was something Emily was missing. She rarely talked about her job and when she did, it was usually the basics; low paid, menial work, a job's a job. Naomi's job wasn't like that, that much was clear. Despite the lack of voluntary information about it, there was a look in her eye and a way her voice crackled that showed how much she really cared. Emily felt jealous.

'So Emily, what do you do?' Naomi repeated, pushing her trolley towards the checkout.

Asking once appeared to be small talk made simply to keep those involved occupied, asking a second time showed that Naomi genuinely wanted to know. Emily busied herself with a number of items, hoping that maybe Naomi would forget she'd asked the question.

'I'll ask you again next week,' Naomi pointed out.

xxx

Naomi wouldn't approve. She didn't say it, but she thought it. Every day. Several times a day in fact. Emily finished making the skinny latte and handed it over to the customer, fully aware of the milk she'd just used and coffee shop chain, non-Fairtrade coffee she'd just created. She was working somewhere Naomi wouldn't approve of and after four days of constantly wondering what Naomi would think, she realised why she hadn't told her anything.

'Naomi wouldn't approve.'

The other coffee shop girl, Hannah, look at her with concern. Emily hadn't meant to say it out loud, nor had she even meant to think it again. A customer arrived at the counter before either of them could say anything more, relieving Emily of the need to explain herself.

When they closed up that evening Emily found herself staring at her colleague. Hannah was only a couple of years younger than her, still at university and working in the coffee shop to help pay her bills. She had her whole life ahead of her. Then again, so did Emily. She just couldn't see her whole life in the same way she could see hers. She was in a rut, working sometimes six days a week pouring coffee for mostly ungrateful customers. The other girl, however, managed to smile and be cheerful with everyone.

'You like this job, don't you?' Emily asked, realising how the question could easily be turned on it's head to match her own opinion.

Hannah shrugged and slid her jacket around her shoulders. 'I don't mind it. You do though.'

Silence. Emily couldn't speak, didn't know how to respond. The truth was there somewhere, she just couldn't find the words. She could never find the words for the things that mattered, or the things she thought didn't but really made a vast difference to her whole life.

'You do it at least four times more than me most weeks though,' Hannah pointed out, prompting a nod and smile from Emily.

'What are you doing now?'

'I was supposed to go to the pub with my girlfriend, but we're sort of in the middle of something.'

Girlfriend. Hannah was gay. Knowing changed everything. Emily looked at her again, different, noticing the little things about her that really made it obvious to someone looking. Why hadn't she noticed before? Was there anyone else in her life screaming gay whom she'd not ever considered as such?

'Maybe we could go instead.'

It wasn't a question, it was a statement and one that Emily put out there before she'd managed to stop herself. The reason for asking wasn't even clear to her and she quickly reminded herself of Hannah's girlfriend as her hands began to shake.

'Look, Emily, you're a great girl, but when I said me and my girlfriend are in the middle of something. We're going to sort it out.'

'Oh, no,' Emily backtracked, despite feeling slightly disappointed. 'I didn't mean, just as friends, work colleagues getting a drink after work.'

She stumbled over her words, her tongue seemed to have grown in her mouth and nothing made sense to her. She stopped talking as quickly as possible and stared at the floor instead. Hoping that Hannah wouldn't notice that she had, in fact, been asking her out on a date. What was she doing? The girl was taken and despite never getting further than walking around the supermarket with Naomi, she considered herself taken, also.

'Maybe next time,' Hannah replied, a sympathetic smile spread over her lips, an apology aimed mostly at making Emily feel better. It didn't. There was never going to be a next time and they both knew it.

The walk home, alone, was tiresome. Despite being on her own, Emily's thoughts kept her busy, so busy that she wished there was a way to avoid them. She'd made a mistake, made many mistakes. All of them seeming to snowball together into one big massive mess. Her life and everything in it was not how she'd imagine that first day of college, when she'd hoped things were about to change. Instead they got worse, not better and she was still suffering the fallout of her own stupid actions.

xxx

As she lay in bed with her duvet tucked up to her chin and her bedside clock lighting up the table beside her, Emily couldn't sleep. Her mind would not switch off and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to focus her attention on getting some rest. So she focused it on Naomi. She was tall, Emily noted, something she never really thought about as they walked down the aisles of the supermarket. Yet when Emily couldn't reach the tins of tuna on the high shelf, Naomi had been there to get them down.

'Alright Shorty,' she'd been greeted, the week after.

She didn't mind. At school she'd watched her sister with boys, they usually stood a foot above her and she'd become this small, fragile thing in their arms. Despite never wanting a boy's arms around her, Emily wanted something similar. The first time she thought about it she thought of Miss Harper's arms around her; the youngish, beautiful music teacher who actually gave her more attention than her sister. That was also the first time she thought about girls. After Miss Harper came Lucy Lockridge in year eleven. Her breasts were fully developed, unlike twelve year old Emily's, and despite getting into a lot of trouble, she liked to wear half of her shirt buttons unfastened. She got attention from almost every boy in school and Katie hated her for it. Emily on the other hand, couldn't help but stare when she leant over during her library duty, leaving Emily weak at the knees.

Sleep still seemed a distant possibility when Naomi returned to her conscious, the way her body moved as she walked. The last time they went shopping together, Naomi had on a tight fitted top that made Emily question what she looked like naked. It wasn't the first time she'd thought about it, but it was the first time she'd thought about it in detail. And then her mind began to wander and before she could stop it, she was back in that supermarket in her mind.

Naomi's clothes were dishevelled and they were kissing in the bread aisle. Emily didn't think about where her hands were travelling, she just closed her eyes and allowed them to wander. Then the supermarket shelves disappeared and they were in her home, in her bed, arm in arm and Emily couldn't stop the Naomi in her mind from fulfilling her every desire.

**Author Note****: So, did you enjoy this one as much as the others? I'd really like to know because like I said before, this is sort of a new-ish fic for me, starting afresh, it feels different and maybe better but it's difficult to judge my own work, so a review wouldn't hurt in helping! :-P**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you to you all for reading and reviewing and subscribing to this fic. I've really been enjoying writing it and it's so lovely to know that you're enjoying the pace and storyline as much as I am. Lots of people have been asking about a Naomi POV chapter and well, I'm not sure if I want to introduce Naomi's side. As much as you guys want it, I do write mixed POVs a lot and I've been enjoying seeing this whole story from one single viewpoint. I hope this chapter won't disappoint. Please review!**

**In This Life**

The restaurant was packed full of hyper football fans who transferred their celebrations from the stands of the nearby ground to the small pub a short walk away. Emily glanced around at men, women and children in various levels of dress and let out a heavy sigh. She didn't follow football, had never really had any inclination to be a fan and was always hopeless at playing when her dad forced her as a child. She hated the whole atmosphere created by alcohol induced fans.

'Looks like Rovers won.'

If she was an open and honest person she would have happily told her date that she didn't care. But she wasn't open or honest, not with the men her mother or sister insisted she go out with.

'Hmm.'

'I don't really like football,' her date announced before rattling out a spiel of information about the local clubs scoring record. Emily rolled her eyes. It had been like that for the last hour. When she ordered a glass of wine she was informed how many units it was and the likelihood it would be that she would have an accident had she not eaten anything.

'Sorry Jonah, I don't really feel very well. I think I might go.'

His face fell, his whole body appeared to slump and for once Emily felt guilty. She usually found an excuse to leave early and never paid very much attention, anything to please her family without making a commitment to see them again.

'Did I do something wrong?' he asked, picking up on her desire to get out of there as quickly as possible.

'No, Jonah, you're great. I just, I don't think this will work out.'

'Oh.'

'It's not you.'

He looked at her with disappointment. 'It's not you, it's me. You're a nice person, I'm just not looking for anything serious.'

The mocking in his tone left her with even more guilt. She frowned, really felt every crease in her eyes as she sensed the hurt that he put across. He knew the drill and she suspected that maybe he'd been on the receiving end of the same responses multiple times.

'I'm sorry.'

'Your sister said you were really interested in going out with me.'

The age old problem of Katie Fitch, adamant that anyone not in a relationship was desperate for someone to go out with. Her sister wasn't wrong, she just didn't know the truth.

'It's not what I'm looking for. It's nothing to do with you, _really_. I'm not interested in this, in going out with anyone.'

'You never were.'

She lifted a glass to her lips and paused the moment Jonah spoke. His words surprised her and she was left wondering what exactly he meant. The silence alerted him and he began staring at her. She wanted to tell him it was rude and made her feel uncomfortable. Instead she waited as he cleared his throat.

'You don't remember me. That's alright, Katie didn't either. We went to the same college, Roundview. We didn't have any of the same classes but I saw you and your sister walking around a lot, she liked to be the boss.'

'That's not,' Emily began, defending Katie, for what? She shook her head. 'That's exactly what happened. She thinks she can control me. That I can be a second version of herself.'

'You're not the same as her though. I mean, you sort of look the same what with you being twins but you're nicer than her. You always were in college, even though we never really had a conversation.'

'Erm, thanks.'

She rattled her brain for a memory of the handsome young man in front of her and found herself coming up stumped. She hadn't paid much attention in college. Everything was about Katie, seeing what Katie saw, experiencing what Katie wanted to experience. She barely noticed anything, unless it was pointed out to her by her darling sister. Then a flash of memory filled her brain and she felt a chill down her spine.

'_That JJ kid, he's a fucking mong. Did you see him? He starting ranting about something that nobody could understand and then he went into a corner with his hands to his ears.'_

'JJ?' she asked, recognising the way his mouth turned downwards in disappointment, bar the braces she recalled him wearing as a teenager.

'You remember me?'

'Vaguely. People weren't very nice to you.'

The tone of the conversation dropped considerably and Emily regretted saying anything. She picked up a napkin and wiped her mouth, dropping the ball of paper on top of the half-eaten meal. She had to get out of there, yet felt guilty for now walking out on the kid everyone laughed at.

'Do you want to walk me home?' she suggested, finding a compromise.

They walked through a park and out along the river, which was actually really beautiful. The sun hadn't quite set, the evening clung to daylight and Emily found herself enjoying reminiscing about college. She realised they had people in common; Katie had once dated his best friend and they hated the same things about Roundview. As they approached the small apartment block, they stopped by the door.

'Do you remember Effy Stonem?' Jonah asked, appearing more nervous than he had all night.

'Yes.'

The memory was vague and mostly of Katie trying to be more popular than her. She failed because no matter what Effy did, Katie was always seen as a bit of a bike. They both knew she wasn't like that, but that was the reputation she gained. Not that Katie ever knew the truth. She thought people adored her, in reality, nobody cared.

'Freddie and her started fornicating whilst he was still with Katie.'

She didn't know that and she suspected Katie had no clue either. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as to why Jonah was bringing up an event from many years ago, that didn't really make a difference to their present situations.

'One day we saw you and Katie and she said it looked like you were more interested in Eleanor Morrissey than you were in the boy Katie was trying to set you up with.'

'What?' Emily gasped, shielding her crimson face with a hand. A lump grew in her throat which hurt to swallow. Thoughts of Katie's cheating ex-boyfriend were long gone as she processed what Jonah was trying to say.

'Don't worry Emily, I won't tell anyone if it's true. Even Freddie or Cook. If that's the real reason you don't want to go out with me, because you like girls, then it's okay.'

'It's not, it's not true.'

Lies. She knew it was, always had been the reason she didn't want to be there with Jonah. There was never any doubting it. She loved women; tits, fanny, bums and thighs. She hadn't wanted anything else. Only nobody knew that, except for the few girls she'd actually tried to go out with and the college counsellor she once found herself talking to.

'Oh, okay.'

'Thanks for dinner,' she muttered, unlocking the front door and closing it quickly before they could even say a proper goodbye.

xxx

The unsuccessful date with Jonah left Emily wondering just how long she would be single if she didn't do what Katie did and go out with as many people as possible. So when she turned up at the supermarket that week, she felt brave and prepared to face Naomi with the possibility of more than a weekly shop. Emily pulled her car into the car park, switched off the engine and walked the few meters towards the entrance where Naomi parked her bike. No bike. She analysed the spot where a metal bar was fixed to the wall and a picture of a kennel was painted on it. In theory, Naomi secured her bike up to where dogs could be left. If she hadn't been so nervous, Emily would have laughed. She leant against the wall and checked her watch. She wasn't early and most certainly wasn't late.

As she stood waiting she allowed her mind to drift to her plan. The moment Naomi arrived she would act normal, they would do their shopping as per and Emily would slip in something about their kiss in middle school. Easier said than done, she noted. She once read a book called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' if any time she needed to do that, now was the moment. But Naomi never came. She waited and checked her phone regularly, until she ended up holding the phone in her hand and watched the minutes tick by. Emily didn't think Naomi would arrive any other way and if she did, surely she would have waited where the two of them normally found each other.

'Please hurry up.'

After nearly forty minutes waiting, she went inside. What if they hadn't spotted each other? What if Naomi had already been and gone? What if Naomi wasn't ever coming back? Every possibility travelled through her mind as she paced down the aisles, barely noticing what she was throwing into her basket. She searched every aisle twice, the eggs six times and then spent ten minutes glancing up and down the checkouts, despite there being just one open.

When Emily arrived home, depleted and more worn out than usual, she noticed that the eggs she bought were battery, the milk was regular semi-skimmed and she'd forgotten nearly every other item on her list.

'What am I doing?' she called out to the empty apartment.

She wasn't that kind of girl. Since going away to university and moving out of her parent's, she'd become fiercely independent, despite still having Sunday lunch at home and occasionally taking a load of clothes for her parents to wash. She barely recognised herself, sat there obsessing over some girl she actually knew very little about. Some drunken kiss at a party nearly ten year ago made no difference.

Except that Naomi wasn't just her first kiss, or the first girl she really had feelings for. She was the adult who had become her friend, her shopping companion for almost two months. She wasn't just the Naomi she met at school, she was also the Naomi she knew now. She didn't want to give up hope, but the longer she sat there thinking, the more she wondered if everything with Naomi was built up in her mind. They weren't friends, not really. She didn't know where she lived, or what she liked to do in her spare time. She only knew the contents of her weekly shop and the bare minimum she'd learnt in conversation. She didn't even know if Naomi liked girls, or if she was the biggest heterosexual in history. One kiss during the most confusing years of life was hardly sign of her being gay.

xxx

That night Emily slept badly, a night full of active dreams that left her without bedcovers twice and waking up almost a dozen times. Each one appeared more vivid than the one before and each one starring Naomi. Only instead of imagining them kissing in the supermarket, she dreamt of telling her the truth and being knocked back. Usually in favour of the employee that liked to take forever opening the eggs. Naomi would push her down, tell her that she couldn't ever be friends with a queer and walked off with her arm linked with the shop worker's. The final dream before she decided to give up sleep, involved Naomi kissing him in front of her, not just a small snog; a full on, get a room, hands in his pants embrace that left her crying.

'Stop,' she cried out across her darkened bedroom. 'Just fucking stop.'

But even in the waking hours, Emily was plagued by fear that she'd never see Naomi again and dread that she would and her nightmares would come true. If she didn't care so much about seeing those beautiful blonde locks again, or listening to Naomi's passionate rants about various food products, she probably would have given up right then and opted to shop on another night.

xxx

As it turned out, she didn't need to wait, or go back to the supermarket at all. She didn't even need to leave the safety of her workplace. Whilst she served a customer, blonde appeared in her peripheral vision and she was forced to hide behind the cake counter to avoid being seen by those deep blue eyes she knew so well.

'You're the biggest 'screw the big people' activist I know mum, why are you buying coffee from a chain?'

'I'm not buying coffee dear, I'm buying Fairtrade tea.'

'From a chain.'

'My usual place closed down thanks to the banking men of this world, so forgive me if this is the only other cafe that sells Fairtrade tea.'

'Emily, what are you doing? We have a line full of customers! Stop hiding behind the cakes and sell, sell, sell.'

The general manager, Billy, clapped his hands together in a condescending way and didn't move until Emily had come out of hiding. She turned away from the counter and busied herself with coffee making, taking over from another member of staff. Only to be ushered back to the front of the house by a perturbed looking Billy. She cursed under her breath as she came face to face with a woman that looked very much like Naomi, except a little older.

'Hello, what can I get you?' she asked, peering over her shoulder at Naomi, who seemed less than interested in the transaction. At least she had been, until Emily opened her mouth and Naomi's head shot up.

'Emily!'

'Emily? THE Emily?' her mother asked, before being shoved aside by what looked like a gesture of embarrassment.

The Emily? she questioned waiting for Naomi to speak. Billy tried to hurry her along, but she wasn't having any of it. Something about the way Naomi's cheeks had turned pink and the tone of her mother's voice left Emily shaking.

'Why didn't you tell me you worked here?' Naomi gasped. 'I work across the road, everyone comes here all the time for coffee.'

'You don't,' she noted.

Naomi shook her head. 'Course not, it's another piece of globalised crap in this world.

'Pays good though,' Emily laughed, attempting to keep the mood light.

'Are we going to move on to the next customer now or in six weeks?' Billy questioned with an incessant tapping of the foot.

Emily rolled her eyes and let sarcasm roll from her tongue. 'If someone would make this lady a Fairtrade tea then we can.'

Once the transaction had been completed, Naomi and the woman headed for the door. A level of hope rebuilt inside Emily's mind and she imagined herself following Naomi and pinning her against the doorframe in a passionate embrace. Instead she muttered a goodbye in the hope of getting something more concrete back.

'Sorry about last week,' Naomi responded. 'Probably see you Friday.'

And with that Naomi was gone, leaving Emily's mind to wander and the smile on Naomi's face unable to leave her conscious. She thought about running after her, about standing her up on Friday the way Naomi had the week before and about curling up in a ball and wishing the whole sorry mess she'd got herself into would just go away. But she was quickly pulled from her reverie by Billy's foot tapping and a line of customers waiting to be served.

**Author Note****: I know it was a little Naomily light this chapter, but hopefully it gave you more of an insight into Emily's world. Thanks for reading and please review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews! I'm sorry this chapter has taken a few days to get up, it was actually mostly written but I wasn't at all happy with it. I also thought I needed to write more, only to realise just as I finished sprucing up what I had, that it was fine the length it was. I hope you'll enjoy it. Hopefully the story will pick up a bit of pace from here on. Please review!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Five**

The amount of ups and downs her moods had taken lately, Emily wondered if she could be bipolar. None of it felt normal. She still knew relatively little about Naomi, yet she acted as though she was the most important person in her life. The concept was alien to her and no matter how hard she tried to make sense of it all, she always found herself more confused than before. When she arrived at the supermarket that week she spent ten minutes watching Naomi from a distance, analysing her reaction to the fact that she was late. She thought of driving away, but she just couldn't do it. Not when Naomi was there, so close she could almost touch her if she wanted to. She _did_ want to. She wanted to kiss her, to slide her fingers around the edges of Naomi's face and force their lips together.

'Evening,' she greeted Naomi as they retrieved trolleys and headed inside.

Naomi leant a little closer than usual, bumping into Emily's arm in jest. 'You're late, thought you weren't going to come.'

'I think you'll find that you're the one who's a whole week late,' Emily muttered, pushing her trolley down an aisle ahead of Naomi. She reached for a packet of apples to distract herself from the smile forcing its way onto her face.

The apples didn't serve their purpose, in fact, they did quite the opposite. They were a lovely shade of red that under any other circumstance would have merely looked nice to eat. For Emily, though, they reminded her of the lips she desperately wanted to kiss. Holding the packet in her hands, her mind drifted off, allowing her to imagine Naomi coming up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing her neck. Those lips, perfectly formed, luscious and red tracing imaginary patterns along Emily's collar bone causing her knees to buckle. She closed her eyes, gripped tighter to the packet and let out a soft sigh.

'You okay?'

Her head shot up and she cleared her throat, assuring Naomi that she was fine. Several of the apples, however, had fingernail marks across their skin where she'd allowed her fingers a tighter grip. She threw the packet into the trolley, not caring if they bruised from a crash landing. She didn't even like apples.

'I hope you weren't waiting for me last week,' Naomi muttered.

'No,' Emily was quick to answer, pushing her trolley towards the fridges in the hope of cooling down her crimson face. 'I looked for you, but I couldn't see your bike so I did my normal shop and went home.'

'Good.'

The time had passed for questions about the week before and Emily was disappointed. She longed to know what held her up, what interesting thing in her life she might have been doing to stop her from meeting Emily. She knew the thoughts were pathetic, that Naomi's life was her own and she still didn't know her well enough to consider herself privy to that information.

'You never buy vegetables,' Naomi pointed out as they moved on from the fresh produce.

'Don't need to at this time of year.'

'Why?'

'I have an apotment,' Emily told her, a look of bewilderment quickly forming on Naomi's face. 'It's like an allotment but in pots, it's only small but I grow enough veg that I don't need to buy most things.'

'You do gardening?' Emily nodded.

They traipsed up and down the aisles as they usually did, talking and laughing about the mundane things around them. The more time Emily spent with Naomi, the more time she _wanted_ to spend with her. Whilst not openly humorous, Naomi had a dry sarcastic whit that left Emily choking on laughter induced tears on more than one occasion. As they wandered towards Emily's car at the end of the night her heart ached for more. She wasn't ready for the evening to be over, didn't want to part from the girl she had feelings for.

'It's been fun, as always,' Naomi smiled, lifting one of Emily's bags into the back of her car and waiting for Emily to close the boot.

They said a brief goodbye which wasn't anywhere near long enough for Emily's lingering desire. She climbed into the car and waited for Naomi to ride off into the night. She watched her moving, allowed her attention to be drawn to the shape of her thighs and the way her hands gracefully rearranged the contents of her backpack. Emily closed her eyes and willed for her feelings to lessen about someone she wasn't even sure was attainable. When she opened them again, Naomi was crouched down analysing the front tyre of her bike. Emily pressed down on the accelerator, driving around the one way system to slow the car down beside Naomi. She rolled down the window and peered out.

'Everything alright?'

'Bike's got a fucking puncture.'

'Let me give you a ride,' Emily offered. Her mind drifted and for a brief moment she was on the back seat, her body increasing in temperature, whilst Naomi writhed beneath her. She could almost taste her lips and smell the sweet, vanilla scent of her body. She bit down on the inside of her mouth to rid the images from her mind, cursing herself for letting it get so far.

'It's okay, I'll call my mum.'

'No, it's fine Naomi. It's late, let me drive you.'

The car filled with cold air until Naomi closed the door behind her. The blonde smiled and thanked Emily, apologising for the inconvenience. Emily barely heard her speak. The smell, subtle but overpowering in the small, stuffy car. She'd only previously earned wisps as they turned corners or stood too close, nothing as strong as filled Emily's senses at that very moment. She reminded herself that she was driving. Instead she focused on her fingers and the way they gripped tightly to the steering wheel. Her nerves got the better of her, taking away the opportunity to make the most of more time with Naomi. The longer they sat there, in silence, the worse it became.

'I should call my mum anyway,' Naomi muttered, pulling a phone from her bag. 'She was supposed to be using the bike for work tomorrow.'

Whenever she drove somewhere she didn't really want to go, the journey dragged on. With Naomi by her side and multiple distractions, time moved at double speed. Emily kept her hands firmly on the wheel; in the hope the extra effort would stall her distraction. Then Naomi caught her eye and smiled and Emily couldn't avoid her mouth from growing in size. In her mind, Naomi reached out a hand; informing her to stop the car. The brave Emily, the one who lived in her head and did things the real one couldn't, complied and pulled over. She stared into Naomi's eyes and their attention locked. Naomi moved forwards, reached out a hand and rested it gently against Emily's cheek.

'You missed the turning.'

'What?' Emily asked, pulled swiftly from her reverie. She swapped her gaze from Naomi to the road and back again.

'It's okay; you can take the next one.'

Her cheeks grew red and she wished the ground could eat her up. Naomi laughed softly at her apology and assured her it was fine. It didn't feel fine. She longed to be back at the supermarket driving off, accidentally, or maybe on purpose, not noticing that Naomi needed assistance.

'Thanks for the ride.'

The car slowed and came to a stop outside a yellow house. A light lit up the open porch and a curtain flickered. Emily spotted the blonde locks of the older woman Naomi had brought to the coffee shop. Her mind raced at double speed, attempting to create various things to say. Questions she'd wanted to ask but hadn't found the time or the confidence.

'What will your mum think of THE Emily driving you home?' she asked before she thought about what she was saying. Thankfully, Naomi just laughed.

'She's a tit sometimes.'

'The question is,' Emily muttered, feeling particularly brave. 'Is she a tit that tells the truth?'

'Are you fishing?'

'I'm curious what she meant by THE Emily.'

'Does it matter what she meant?'

'I suppose not.'

Emily leant back against her seat and looked straight ahead, hoping to avoid feeling awkward. Naomi should have opened the car door, should have been off inside without hesitation. But she hadn't, she was still there in the car, staring at Emily. She turned to the blonde, her heart thumping inside her chest leaving her almost breathless. Naomi's eyes locked with hers and she wondered if Naomi was looking past her face and right into her soul.

'But you'd like to know?' she asked, a smirk forming on her lips. Emily nodded. 'It's nothing really, I, I just told her about you and she likes to make a big deal out of things.'

The fact Naomi told her mother anything about her confused Emily to no end; she couldn't figure out what Naomi's sexuality was. Her gaydar was particularly hopeless and proved no assistance. Naomi didn't overtly scream gay, nor did she talk constantly about a partner. Then there was her mother, the woman she'd talked to about her. The woman who had seemed excited on seeing THE Emily. What did that even mean?

A smile crept up on Emily which she couldn't stop, not when there was a possibility that it meant something more than friendship. 'What did you say?'

'She kept questioning why I did the shopping so late, so I told her that I enjoyed the company.'

'Right.'

Another flicker of the curtain caught Emily's attention, Naomi's mum stood there with an insanely large smile on her face and her thumbs in the air. Emily didn't want to feel giddy, but did, at what the woman was suggesting, or the sight of Naomi's face which turned slightly red.

'What happened last week?' Emily muttered, to relieve the rebuilding tension; Naomi's mum's enthusiasm giving her an extra burst, an extra reason to feel brave.

'I went out on a date.'

'Oh,' Emily responded, trying her best to keep the disappointment from her voice. 'How was it?'

'Horrible,' Naomi scoffed and rolled her eyes. 'Mum set it up; she thinks anyone she chooses for me is fantastic. But she forgets we have completely different taste in people.'

'People?'

The absence of a gender didn't escape Emily's notice and she clung to the possibility that Naomi might have been out with a woman. The kiss they once shared fresh in her mind.

'She always chooses the kind of person she likes, which would be fine if she was dating them.'

Katie and her own mother's incessant match making came to mind and Emily chuckled. She told Naomi all about her own problems in that department and her recently unsuccessful date. Naomi paid complete attention to her and Emily was captivated by the way her lips curled into a smile the more she spoke. She'd had many friends, who were mostly friends of Katie, forced upon her over the years. Each one usually cared little about what she had to say. No one had ever given her that much attention before and the last person who had, finished the night kissing her ten years ago. They hadn't mentioned that kiss, hadn't discussed that they once knew each other since the first night they met. Emily never forgot. The incident had faded over the years but the moment she saw Naomi again it all flooded back and she constantly replayed it.

'_You're really pretty; but you should wear less make-up.'_

'_Erm, thanks, I guess.'_

'_You are, you should have more confidence in yourself, in how you look.'_

'_I do what Katie does.'_

'_Do you _want_ to?'_

'_Not always.'_

'_What's one thing you want to do that Katie doesn't?'_

'_Err, erm, nothing.'_

'_Go on, it's okay.'_

'_I, well, I want to…to kiss you.'_

'I should probably get inside before mum comes out here wanting to meet you,' Naomi muttered when the woman didn't move from the window.

'Oh, okay.'

The event Emily expected and dreaded at the same time; Naomi finally leaving. She'd left her once and despite feeling disappointed had relieved her sorrow by driving her home. The last thing Emily wanted to do was end their evening when it had gone so well. They'd recovered from the messy conversation they got into and Emily longed for the night to be prolonged further.

'Emily?'

Naomi's voice sent a chill down Emily's spine. She'd never thought her name was anything special or attractive, yet on Naomi's tongue it sounded like the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. The weakness in her voice was breathtakingly fragile and captured Emily's complete attention.

'Yes?'

'Would you like to have lunch sometime this week? Since we work across the road from one another.'

The weakness of her name was contradicted by the strength of Naomi's later words. She alluded confidence and comfort in her own skin, both of which Emily had trouble even considering possible. Her blue eyes lit up by the moonlight streaming in through the windscreen and Emily could see the tiny white square of light that only artists ever made known. Lunch, it was a simple arrangement that could easily be confused. Was she asking her as a friend or as something more? Whilst Emily felt her cheeks flush, Naomi looked her usual pale self. It didn't faze her, nor did she appear to be conflicted over what the plan could mean.

'That would be nice.'

They briefly discussed a time and a day most suited to the both of them and Naomi got out of the car. Emily noticed the woman disappear from the curtain then watched Naomi attempt to find her key only to have the door pulled swiftly open in front of her. The similarity between the two women was extraordinary. When the door closed behind her and Emily could no longer see those beautiful blonde locks, the realisation of what had happened hit her hard. She clung to the steering wheel the entire journey home and focused her attention adamantly on the road. If she didn't, she imagined she would have crashed from the various possibilities running through her mind.

**Author Note****: I don't think I was entirely happy with this chapter really, so I would gratefully appreciate any honest feedback on it! Please review. :-)**


	6. Author Note: Holiday!

Dear All,

So the summer months have arrived and unfortunately that means I have lots going on right now. As we speak I'm getting ready to head off on holiday to France for a week.

Which means no updates from me! Many apologies if you thought this was an update, I hate when that happens. But I didn't have time to finish an update beforehand to tell you this on.

I'll be back a week on Saturday, which isn't that far away at all. Though it'll only be for a few days.

I hope you'll all be around when I get back, finally, after the various things I'm doing and I look forward to continuing this story either whilst I'm away (ready to be uploaded when I get back) or when I am back!

Have a great week everybody!

Miss Peg :)


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews! I've got a pretty busy month ahead of me so I probably won't be able to update this story again before August 6th. I'm off to crawl through caves and waterfalls with a bunch of teenagers, could be fun? But have no fear, I WILL be back!**

**A special thanks to HyperFitched for inspiring 'Stoned', all thanks to Gina in I Hold A Force I Can't Contain, which by the way, HyperFitched is holding me in a similar force with that epic story - so you should all read it if you have the chance!**

**I really appreciate all of the lovely comments and I don't always spend time responding to them, so here's to nikinak13 - if only it was as simple as locking Naomily in a room together and forcing them to kiss and texasgirl29 - I think we'd all like to find some love in the bread aisle! *sighs***

**In This Life**

**Chapter Six  
**

The table was filled was enough food to feed six hundred, not the six sat around it. A large lasagne rested in the middle, surrounded by salad, bread, olives, cheese and a few items Emily couldn't name. An Italian feast with the sole purpose of welcoming Katie's new, part-Italian boyfriend; he didn't even look Italian with skin more common in Jamaica or Africa than Italy. Emily knew her judgement wasn't fair, people moved around the world as fast as aeroplanes and his heritage could easily have multi-facets. She stayed silent, didn't even catch his name after arriving a little late.

'Babe, do you want some salad?' Katie asked, passing the bowl over. He held up a hand to decline only for Katie to drop a healthy portion of lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes onto his plate.

'How has your week been Emily?'

'Fine.'

The conversation usually went in the same direction, straight into a brick wall. A simple question with a simple answer; followed up by Rob asking who wanted wine and Jenna, as if timed perfectly, bringing in a bottle and filling up glasses.

'So Sep, what's it like being half Italian?' Jenna asked with a huge smile gracing her face.

'Dunno,' her muttered. 'Mum died when I was a baby. Never even been.'

Emily watched in glee as Jenna's face fell, the pink in her cheeks disappeared and her eyes moved across the carefully prepared meal. Then her expression changed again, to one of sorrow, sympathy.

'Oh, that must have been hard not growing up with a mother.'

'I didn't,' he replied. 'Got a step-mum.'

'Oh right, that's lovely.'

An uncomfortable silence was only broken by James. Sometimes Emily could hug her little brother for, the dirty little perv that he was. He decided that it was the perfect moment to announce he thought he'd got his girlfriend pregnant. The look on Jenna's face topped the one before, paled even quicker and she looked about ready to have a heart attack. Rob cleared his throat in discomfort and shifted in his seat, thankfully James completed the story and confirmed that she was, in fact, not pregnant at all. But the distraction moved the conversation along nicely and by the time things settled down the food was being consumed and nobody wanted to talk anyway.

'Oh Ems, I've got you another date.'

A small groan escaped Emily's lips before she could stop it, which she quickly covered by a cough. The words she hated hearing the most were the ones Katie had just spoken. For the past couple of years she felt like a project, a lost cause that Katie had to help. There was one 'easy' solution to make it all go away, to stop her mother and sister's continual obsession with setting her up. Unfortunately 'easy' was the hardest thing in the world.

'Sep has this really cute mate, he's not gorgeous like Sep but he's in your league. Isn't he babe? We told him all about you and he can't wait to meet you.'

'Not another,' Emily muttered, silently wishing she could scream out the truth.

'I thought your date with Jonah went okay?'

'It did.'

'What's the problem then?'

What was her problem? She liked girls. That was her problem. It was a pretty major problem too. A problem made worse with the fact that she couldn't say that, she couldn't tell them. Instead she stared down at her plate and pushed a fork through the pasta.

'I kind of already have a, sort of, date.'

The moment the words left her lips, she regretted talking, regretted being there at all. Emily Fitch didn't date twice. Her parents informed her she would never find a partner if she was so particular. Katie always told their mother, assumed to be away from prying ears, that Emily was a lost cause and she would eventually run out of friends, or friends of friends to set Emily up on.

So when Emily had finished speaking and her mouth was quickly filled with food, she found four pairs of eyes staring back with a mixture of confusion and silent excitement plastered across their faces. This, to Emily's family, appeared a monumental occasion. Jenna disappeared into the kitchen to open another bottle of wine and Rob asked several questions in seconds, making it impossible for Emily to even think, let alone answer any of them.

"Bedroom. Now," Katie hissed, her confusion and excitement replaced with anger that seemed to mildly entertain her.

In the bedroom, Katie sat on the bed that now filled the smallest room of the house. Originally James's room until both Katie and Emily moved out. A single bed forced into the tiny box room for the rare occasion that either twin stayed overnight in their childhood home. At Christmas, James was forced to depart his double bed long enough for the twins to, begrudgingly, share.

"Who? And why didn't you tell me?"

Emily never told Katie anything, not since her darling sister told the whole of the lower sixth that Emily had got crabs from sleeping in Freddie Mclair's bed after a party. The older and more confident Katie still had no idea that Emily kept more from her than she told her.

"I, I was busy with work," she muttered, a half-hearted excuse that gained a grumbled moan from Katie.

"You've still not told me who."

"Jonah," Emily whispered with more desire to get Katie off her back than to admit the truth. Emily didn't even want to admit to herself that the date was actually two acquaintances spending time together rather than it being a date and she certainly wasn't going to admit that the date-that-isn't-a-date was with a girl.

"You and Jonah? I thought he was a mong, you said he was a mong."

"I didn't say he was a mong. I said he was different. He's nice different."

The conversation stretched on for almost half an hour. Katie acted defensive and hurt by Emily's withholding of the truth. For the most part, Emily just sat beside her, listening. She was always listening, always letting her sister or mother talk at her.

After Katie, she had to listen to her mother. To which she sat silently, ensuring her wine glass was filled. With Katie and Sep being coupley on one side, her mother talking at her on the other and the wine, Emily could feel a dull ache attempting to take hold of her head. She leant on her hands, counting down the moments until she was free from the nightmare that was another family dinner.

xxx

A car engine spluttered, a child holding a balloon let go and began to cry, a man walked a dog that had three legs. The world around Emily feeded her active mind, gave her things to focus on that distracted her from the impending date-that-isn't-a-date. The only problem with paying attention to everything outside was that she abandoned her job in order to watch a homeless man pick his nose, much to the frustrations of Billy.

'More coffee, less dreaming,' he grunted, his chest puffing out and his eyes narrowing in Emily's direction. She rolled her eyes and turned back to the customer.

As far as coffee shop workers went, Emily was probably the worst. She didn't mind the human interaction or making cups of coffee, she didn't even mind clearing tables or wiping up spilt drinks. It was the fact she didn't _care_ about it that was the problem; that her passions in life were elsewhere. Unfortunately she had no clue where that was which stopped her actually achieving it.

'Lunch break,' she announced, unfastening her apron and throwing it carelessly on the counter as soon as the clock reached one. Billy stared at her in disbelief to which she merely rolled her eyes.

'We take our lunch break when the tables are cleared and everything is in order.'

'Not today, today I have a date,' she informed him with Katie Fitch confidence and a little wink.

There was no more questioning, she wouldn't allow it. She reached into the staff locker and slung her bag over her shoulder on the way out. The only problem with a date-that-isn't-a-date being in the middle of the day meant she smelled like coffee and her hair looked like it had been under intense heat for hours. First stop was the public toilets around the corner; they cost thirty pence, but were kept cleaner than those in the cafe. Emily reapplied the little amount of make-up she wore to work and changed her coffee stained shirt, with the spray of a little perfume she now looked, smelled and felt more presentable.

The carefully constructed appearance actually made her feel guilty. When she saw Naomi standing across from the coffee shop she looked tired and overworked. Where Emily had time to hide her tired eyes and run a brush through her hair, Naomi looked like she'd just climbed out of bed. Regardless, her blonde hair shone under the gentle rays of the sun, her eyes still gleamed their crystal blue and most of all her mouth curled up perfectly when she smiled. Oh how she longed to wrap her fingers around those soft, rosy cheeks and join their lips as she imagined them to fit perfectly.

'Afternoon,' Naomi greeted her and with a brief explanation about a big project at work, they fell into step beside each other as they usually did. 'I thought we could go to a little cafe I know, it's got amazing food and my best friends owns it.'

'That's fine.'

Meeting her friends? Emily couldn't stop the giddiness, that helpless feeling where excitement overcame any attempt to stem it. She smiled at Naomi and followed her down a couple of streets until they reached 'Stoned'. On first glance Emily thought it looked more like a tattoo parlour than a cafe. The sign was written in graffiti art and a couple of tables sat on the quiet street under umbrellas. Had it been a little warmer that day, Emily would have thought it nice to sit outside.

Entering the cafe was a whole new experience. Whilst the outside gave the impression it was a run down, greasy spoon, the inside suggested it was a junk yard. No tables or chair matched and instead of pictures of coffee or country scenes on the walls, there were posters of punk rock bands and cannabis leaves. Except for one, on the largest wall was the menu, written in various forms of text. It looked like any other artistic menu, aside from the fact you couldn't pick it up or move it.

The look on her face must have appeared a little daunted because Naomi reached out a hand and pulled her swiftly from her reverie with the sound of her voice.

'Don't worry; they don't sell 'special' food. It's all a rebellious statement. Plus the name is a play on Effy's surname.'

'Effy?'

'My friend, the one that owns this place; her and Cook, he's the food man, does amazing things with anything you put in front of him. Effy's more of a people person. She can usually recommend something to a regular after a couple of visits and never gets it wrong.'

This intrigued Emily, not least the interestingly selected friends, but the whole rebellious vibe. Naomi had always appeared to be interested in the environment, yet seeing her in such an establishment set it in stone.

'Unless you'd rather go somewhere else?' a hint of disappointment laced Naomi's voice.

'Let's stay,' Emily grinned, sitting down on a nearby moon chair and closing her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them again a tall brunette was staring at her. She looked vaguely familiar. Naomi introduced her as the proprietor, the one and only Effy Stonem. Now she definitely recognised her; faint memories of college, of Katie showing off in front of the girl with the dark hair and perfect eyes. She was a symbol of beauty, of poise and Katie hated her for it.

'From Roundview?' Emily questioned, staring at her for longer than she'd anticipated. Effy didn't seem to mind.

She raised an eyebrow with mild interest. 'A Fitch. Not Katie.'

Emily laughed. 'Thank fuck.'

After ordering, Emily turned her full attention to Naomi. She cursed herself silently for wasting precious moments talking to Effy about her sister, thankfully Naomi only smiled.

'I didn't know you went to the same college as Effy, I didn't know your surname was Fitch.'

'I guess there's lots we don't know about each other,' Emily pointed out. Naomi's words came out defensive, yet her smile never faltered. Emily struggled to understand whether Naomi was angry or irritable or if she was actually playing a game.

They talked as they usually did; carefree relaxed conversation about everything and nothing. Naomi told her more about the project she was working on and though she tried to focus on her words, she found herself transfixed by her voice; that soft, gentle voice. Once in a while Naomi chewed on her lip, the more Emily saw the skin disappear behind a tooth; the harder it was to deny the power the action had. Had she not been sat in a café on her lunch break, Emily would have made an excuse to leave and gone straight home for a cold shower. Instead she stared at Naomi, focused as much of her attention on listening instead of hearing and found herself drowning in the sea-blue eyes opposite.

'Naomi.'

Those red lips covered in a touch of lipstick moved in slow motion, keeping Emily transfixed with silent obsession. Her own lips, pale in comparison, needed colour. In any other time, any other world, Emily would have reached out a hand and pulled Naomi's gently towards her. Leaning closer until Naomi's lips parted and they shared the softest kiss, the colour smudged across Emily's, forging a bond that could never be replaced.

'Naomikins.'

The bubble forming ever so slowly around them, capturing Emily's full attention, didn't falter. She continued to stare as Naomi spoke in gentle tongue until she had nothing left to say. That was when Emily did it; stood up, pulling Naomi with her until they were stood inches apart. Their eyes fixed upon each other until Emily pushed her back against the hard wall and they joined at the mouths. Except it didn't really happen at all; the thoughts drifted off into oblivion as the bubble well and truly burst and an aggressive cursive filled the room.

'For fuck's sake Naomi, I need to fucking talk to you about Erin.'

A draft travelled across from the kitchen doorway that closed behind Naomi. It hit Emily harshly on the arms and she wished she'd brought a jacket. The deep voice that shouted came from a head that peered around the edge of the doorframe. His hair was dark blonde, curled a little under the edges of a chef's hat. He looked vaguely familiar and the name came rattling back to her mind with full force. Cook. James Cook. The one and only Mr Fuckable, or so he thought. He was everything Emily hated about men, everything _Katie_ hated about men. Yet there he was on the other side of a glass hatch, stroking Naomi's cheek and smiling softly at her. If she didn't know his past, or assumed his present and future, she'd have been sure they were together. Not just together, but perhaps blissful and caring with one another.

'I have to go.'

When Emily looked up from the hatch, Naomi was stood beside her, bag in hand and an apologetic smile on her face. There were no more words, aside from a brief muttered goodbye that came out, somehow, from Emily's suddenly dry lips. The date-that-isn't-a-date was just that. Everything she had hoped, wished would happen, had definitely not and Emily was left yearning for a second chance. But Naomi was gone and stood in her place was Effy.

'Don't worry about paying, Naomi'll sort it later.'

As Emily returned to work, her attention was still with Naomi. She couldn't shake the disappointment that what she dreamt up in the days before, had not been reached. A make-believe that could never and probably would never come true. For the first time since meeting the blonde, Emily doubted her obsession. How could they ever make it work as anything more if Emily couldn't allow them to be just friends?

'Coffee, coffee, coffee,' Billy sang out, emphasising the rhythm with claps. Emily rolled her eyes and took over from the temp who disappeared on her lunch break. At least, no matter how boring it was, she could submerge herself entirely in coffee, coffee, coffee.

**Author Note****: Another chapter I wasn't entirely happy with unfortunately, hopefully it'll be alright, let me know! MPx**


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: So I hope you don't mind, but I managed to write another chapter...**

**Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed the last one. This one came about from me walking down the street and feeling a little down, inspiration to the max.**

**This is for **notempus**, for the beautiful review in a moment where I actually really needed something to boost my mood, to thank you again.**

**lalalalee - have no fear, this story is going to maintain Emily POV, sorry Naomi, you're not getting any thoughts this time!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Seven**

For three weeks Emily didn't leave her flat. She wasn't ill, she wasn't depressed; she just couldn't find any reason to get out of bed. As a sun beam fell through the gap in her curtains she woke on the twenty-first day, rolled back over and closed her eyes. She despised the sun, the way it blinded her when driving in winter and burnt her if she didn't use sun cream. She forgot every reason there ever was for liking that ball of flame across the galaxy. She groaned as the need for sleep quickly left her over-relaxed body for another day and the sun was persistent in its attempt to stir her.

She was unlucky in love and Emily was sick of it. Everywhere she looked people seemed to be loved up and happy. Katie had Sep, before him there were countless other people who showered her with love and affection. Her parents had been married for twenty-five years, even her little brother had been with several girlfriends. Was the world so unfair that she, the one person in her family who wouldn't hurt a fly and desperately wanted someone to love, couldn't find anyone? So she hadn't tried very hard for a long time but she watched her friends and people in films go about it so easily, it was like walking, like breathing to them. Emily had tried, even when she thought it normal for her to consider boys. She 'fancied' a number and some she got along well with, but not once did any of them ask her out. Katie, on the other hand, had too many requests for her time. Emily didn't think it fair, that her sister, the girl that often used and abused the kindness of her boyfriends, could find that blissful happiness seen only in fiction. Did Emily not deserve the same love? The same chance to love without it being a chore, without being the one to make the complete effort in the beginning. She didn't think she was entirely ugly, even if she wasn't beautiful like other people, yet no one seemed to see her as anything more than a friend.

Once she realised she was gay she'd had one official girlfriend. She was pretty, not stunning, but that didn't matter because Emily liked her, _really_ liked her and saw beauty in that. But at the time she was painfully shy, still at college and unable to be brave; Allie was and always would be her first girlfriend, though she wasn't her _proper_ girlfriend. They didn't have sex, they didn't hold hands and they never even kissed. They came close and then Allie ended it, moved on and the last Emily heard she'd married someone she went to university with.

Love was painful, it wasn't supposed to be, but for Emily that was all she knew. Nobody wanted her, not like that and sometimes she doubted they ever would. Even Jonah, who seemed like a nice enough man, was probably interested in her merely because she'd accepted the date. She doubted he had any inkling of feelings for her prior to that and really, did he have any feelings now? Emily didn't think so. No one had feelings for her; no one had even come close. That was where the dreaming came in, her mind drifted off into the world around her begging and pleading and hoping that eventually her time would come. As she got older and the years passed her by, she couldn't stop the sinking feeling that her time wouldn't come and she would be faced with eternity alone.

She continued to lie in her warm bed, her attention drifted across the things she was avoiding; Naomi, her family, her job. Nothing was ever how she wanted it. No part of her life left her wanting more and for the first time she saw it clearly. On the ninth day of her self-created depressed state she walked to a nearby shop and bought a newspaper. Inside she read the usual overhype about the economy and various other current events she'd missed and then she'd fallen upon a short article about quarter and mid-life crises. That was when she realised what had become of her sorry excuse for existence.

'Fucked it all up.'

At twenty-three Emily should have had it set in stone; her future, the things she believed and hoped for. Instead she worked too many hours for no reward, lived in a tiny flat that smelt damp when it rained and had no friends to call her own. Whatever she dreamt up with Naomi hadn't been real and she could no longer dream and hope and beg for it to be so.

'Answer your fucking door Emily, mum and dad are worried. I can't keep covering for you.'

The door buzzer rang out incessantly and Katie's rant travelled towards the bedroom. She was supposed to be her twin sister, the one person Emily wished she could share her world with, yet had only come round once before. She texted her five times, called her up just three times and now she stood on her doorstep for the second time in three weeks. If she cared so much, why had it originally taken her sixteen days to notice Emily's absence from the world?

'Fuck off,' she snarled as she typed out the two words on her phone and pressed send. Then she regretted it. She was still her sister, still her fucked up twin who cared more about her latest boyfriend than Emily, yet she couldn't be horrible. Could never openly be a bitch to her for longer than an argument.

'Charming,' was all Emily got back.

She rolled over again, regretfully. She regretted every fucking thing in her life and it scared her. Dissatisfaction came and went until Emily passed from hatred, loathing into uncertain possibility. She needed something to change and the only way that was going to happen would be for Emily to make it happen. So she climbed out of bed, ran a brush through her greasy hair and put on some relatively clean clothes.

xxx

'Can we do some work?' Billy was shouting, his foot tapping and his hands clapping together continuously. 'Work, work, work.'

Emily stood in the queue, impatiently playing with a strand of cotton hanging from the rim of her shirt. She found that despite having slept for most of the last three weeks, she had little energy in order to push past the customers. Finally she stood in front of the counter staring at Billy, who was too busy throwing dirty sponges in the direction of a temp. Then his eyes landed on her and she captured his full attention within seconds.

'Tell me you're here to do a shift because these temps they keep sending me are fucking useless.'

A smirk reached Emily's face and for the first time since she hid away, Emily saw the beauty in the little things in life. Naomi might have been a no go romantically but really, aside from her first thought being 'I want to fuck that girl' it was nice just being with her. And the faults of her family; they requested to spend time with her and really, as much as it infuriated her, the fact they wanted her to find someone to make her happy was actually rather nice.

'Actually Billy, I've come to quit.'

The smug, yet for once desperate look on his face left Emily with a quiet satisfaction. He was a slimy, ignorant obsessive idiot who was liked by none of the regular staff. Without giving him time to reply, she informed him of her request to collect her final pay check at the end of the week, before marching out the way she came in.

xxx

The ground under Emily's feet felt light and spongy, a spring in her step as she exited the café. An elderly couple stopped across the street to kiss, a woman picked up a child's toy and handed it to him with a huge grin. The world seemed happy and Emily jumped at the chance to feel it too. She couldn't ignore it, not after three weeks of perpetual misery. The sky was blue, bluer than she'd seen in a while and a bird flew carelessly towards a group of teenage girls who screamed and darted out of the way. Emily laughed, paying little attention to where she was going, a contradiction to the attention she was giving to everything else. That was, until she collided with something, or some_one_. A flash of blonde hair caught her attention, her knees failing her, only to be caught by a pair of hands she'd longed to feel around her. The only disappointment being that, stopping her from collapsing in an embarrassing heap, it was not the way she had intended it to happen.

'Emily!' Naomi gasped, her eyes lighting up in surprise. A smile that was not forced, but seemed to control her as it appeared on her rosy red lips. Emily was taken by surprise, her eyes stared into Naomi's longer than they needed to and she couldn't shake the feeling that she still wanted to fuck that girl.

'Fuck,' she sighed, righting herself. She pushed her thoughts aside, reminding herself of how much she enjoyed Naomi's company.

'You okay?'

'Fine.'

The autopilot response felt useless and unfair. Naomi wasn't her father. Her grey-blue eyes actually stared deep into Emily's brown orbs with a curiosity that far outweighed the routine and obligatory tone of Rob Fitch.

'I was just on the way back from buying some cigarettes, I haven't got long, but maybe we could meet up again soon,' Naomi informed her, pale cheeks turning a gentle shade of pink. Emily closed her eyes for a moment, losing herself in Naomi's voice. 'Tonight, if you want.'

Tonight. Oh how she wanted to do something with Naomi, tonight. How could she say no? She couldn't speak her throat suddenly dry and useless. She knew she shouldn't let herself fall deeper, was fully aware that Naomi probably wasn't even gay, even if she looked at her differently sometimes. The fact was Emily didn't know what Naomi was thinking and probably never would.

'Okay.'

'I should go.'

Hope, possibility, it all rose again inside Emily's chest making it hard for her to focus on anything but the beautiful blonde disappearing across the street. They'd spent barely minutes together, though Emily still found herself silently begging her not to go. She longed for a moment longer. Then her mouth opened and the first change she'd made that day was joined by a second.

'I'm gay Naomi.'

In that moment Emily felt brave. Her body oozed in confidence; the first time she'd ever said those words out loud in public pushing her esteem through the roof. Her family were distant thoughts as the truth of her sexuality finally fell into place. She'd never realised how helpful it would be to say those two small words together to someone else. It didn't matter if Naomi said anything, or if she'd even heard her at all. It just mattered that she said them. Then Naomi turned around with a cheeky grin, barely stopping.

'I know,' she whispered, turning back around and disappearing from sight.

**Author Note****: So when I said 'I hope you don't mind' who actually said no? And who now wishes they said yes? Hahahaha. :-P Please review. Have a nice week xxx**


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Home sweet home, life is amazing and I can't wait to get back into writing. I had written half of this chapter before I'd even left, in fact all of it as far as I'm aware, I just didn't have the time to upload. So here it is...I hope you enjoy!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Eight**

_She knew._ For two hours Emily walked idly back to her flat with two words on her mind. The image of Naomi speaking them pushed her to the forefront of her attention. _She knew._ How did she know? How could Naomi know when she herself had never formalised those words? A million and one possibilities forced her to dream, to imagine what she could have meant and allow her mind to trail off into the cosmos. There was something out there, something exciting and possible and even though she couldn't quite reach it she felt excited, elated by the prospect. Hours before she had been a mess, stuck in perpetual hell with no way out. She couldn't understand how quickly things had changed, or how easy it had been to come out of her thick shell. But there she was sat on her bed staring at every item of clothing she owned trying not to think of her evening with Naomi as being a date.

'None of this is good enough,' she mumbled, throwing a couple of items across the room in frustration.

_It's not a date,_ she reminded herself. Naomi hadn't indicated that her knowledge of Emily's sexuality meant anything, other than that she _knew_. So Emily returned her attention to the pile of clothes. A pile of various coloured vest tops, several pairs of jeans and a handful of skirts that looked like something she wore in college. Nothing stood out, nothing grabbed her attention. She knew that if nothing grabbed her attention, she doubted she could capture Naomi's. _Even though it's not a date._

'Katie?' she shouted as soon as her sister had answered the phone. 'I need your help.'

She was desperate and in times of desperation she did stupid things. Katie spent ten minutes lecturing her on disappearing off the face of the Earth before accepting the need for a 'makeover'. Emily was reluctant yet in dire need. She tapped her foot impatiently against the carpeted floor, awaiting Katie's arrival with hope and dread.

'When was the last time you fucking went shopping?' Katie snapped, filing through the clothes in her wardrobe. Emily sat silently on the end of her bed, watching her sister shake her head and tut at various points in the analysis. The conclusion being that Emily was a lost cause and anything she owned was not fit for purpose. 'It's a good job I brought some things with me.'

Questions were pushed aside whilst Katie dressed her; Emily listened and followed instructions as best as she could, without allowing her nerves to get the better of her. Naomi's name was on the tip of her tongue and should she have given herself the freedom to do so, she knew she'd let it slip. Instead she tensed up causing problems for Katie's plans.

'Would you fucking sit still?' Katie yelled with as much venom as she did when they were children. Emily closed her eyes and tried to picture the blonde beauty she would see in less than two hours, unfortunately her reverie was infiltrated by memories of being the Barbie to Katie's obsessive need to dress things up. She often had to wear a blonde wig that over the years was cut shorter and shorter. Their mother's old clothes passed down to them became her outfits and her old shoes which were impossible to walk in, topped off the ensemble. Even as children Katie had more style and grace than Emily, she could walk perfectly in shoes several sizes too big and would shout at Emily for wearing anything not picked out by her. Back then her wardrobe had not been her own, but something Katie spent a lot of time choosing out. She didn't mind the choice being taken out of her hands as a child, but when they reached college she didn't appreciate the level of dress Katie took to. In the end she forced herself away from Katie's protectiveness and found her own fashion, her own opinions on clothes. Despite liking everything she'd ever bought, Emily still couldn't drop the feeling that Katie's opinion would always top her own.

'Try this.'

Emily took the skirt and top and slid them over her underwear. Normally she would not be seen dead in Katie's clothes but the day felt very different to every one before. She was sick of the past, of her life as it was and was willing to try anything to change it.

'What do you think?' Katie asked, the huge smile on Katie's face reflected in the mirror.

'It's, it's nice,' Emily admitted, running her hands down the sides of the skirt. It could have been worse, Emily realised that, yet Katie had managed to choose something that actually really suited her. The skirt flowed outwards a little and hugged her hips; the top went perfectly and fitted her even better. Her breasts were smaller than her sisters and were perfectly shaped under the fabric, her lips curled at the edges when she thought of how Katie probably would have fallen out of the top. 'It's great.'

Katie's smile shone again as Emily stared at their reflections. 'JJ will be a very lucky boy.'

Every bad words Emily had thought about her sister disappeared into the stratosphere. Sure she could be frustrating as hell and judged her more than she needed to, but all in all she cared what happened to her. She could see that now and a pang of guilt hit her from all angles, the secrets she kept from Katie were to an extent unfair. In truth, she didn't know how she would react; they'd never discussed the possibility of anyone they knew being gay and aside from Katie dragging her away from Naomi's beautiful lips as a thirteen year old, she didn't know how her sister felt about lesbians.

'Katie?'

'Yeah?'

'It's, it's not,' Emily began, words catching in her throat until she couldn't speak.

'It's not what?'

'It's, thank you.'

xxx

Naomi wore a jumper, it was blue and red and looked like something someone's grandma made them for Christmas. An unwanted present that one didn't use let alone like. On Naomi, however, it looked like an item she cared deeply about; the ends were frayed, patched up with strips of material. And on Naomi, it was no surprise it wasn't an unwanted Christmas gift. It matched her personality, even Emily knew that and she still barely knew her.

'Mini-golf?' Emily questioned as they entered Jungle Rumble. She'd never been there before, had never found any reason to want to go. All she knew about it was that James went a lot with his friends. 'Isn't this place for children?'

'Sure, I sometimes,' Naomi trailed off, her eyes darting away from the contact made with Emily's like a bolt of lightning had struck them both down. 'I sometimes go with mum and we see kids all the time. But it's also fun for adults.'

Emily looked doubtful, 'If you say so.'

'I need a bit of light-hearted fun,' Naomi admitted with barely a smile on her face. Emily narrowed her eyes towards her, witnessing for the first time the dip in her friend's mood. Naomi wasn't happy and as far as Emily was aware, she didn't look any different to how she always had.

'Let's do it,' Emily announced, walking up to the front desk. Pangs of guilt hit her with full force. She was always so caught up in her own misfortunes that she'd never noticed just how unhappy Naomi looked. Her smile was no different, yet Emily saw a weakness she'd never been witness to before.

xxx

By the ninth hole Emily was losing miserably, she watched in surprise as Naomi sunk her ball carefully into each hole. There was precision in the way she moved, experience and a little bit of excitement hovering on her surface. Emily had to slap herself metaphorically for staring at the back of her too often or purposefully standing at the other side when Naomi took off her jumper to reveal a low cut top. She revelled in the views and enjoyed the playful banter, the enjoyable challenge of trying to outwit the Queen of it.

'You fucking come here all the time, don't you?' Emily gasped as Naomi won the final hole. Sixteen holes to two.

'What can I say? Cook and I love to play.'

'I thought you came with your mum?'

'Oh, yeah, her too.'

The blonde moved away as quickly as possible, alerting Emily to her attempt to cover up. Something was amiss and Emily had spotted it instantly. She didn't pull her up on it though, wasn't brave enough to challenge Naomi's word. She watched Naomi carry away the equipment, too stunned to say or do anything.

As they walked out of the building, Emily felt Naomi's body move closer, falling into step beside each other with closer proximity than they ever had.

'I had a great time,' Emily admitted and they stopped in the doorway. Emily leant back against the wall, not wanting to walk back, not wanting to give up the wonderful evening. She wasn't ready to let go of another date-that-wasn't-a-date, she couldn't think of anything worse than saying goodbye to Naomi right there.

'Me too,' Naomi whispered, her voice breaking up causing her to sound more fragile.

They stood there in silence, barely moving, staring into each other's eyes. Emily's heart leapt into her throat as she imagined all possibilities. Naomi's hands cupping her face, moving closer until barely an inch gap separated their lips. Then Naomi's burning hot lips pressed against Emily's and she could barely breathe. A hand wrapped around the back of her neck, Naomi's ring catching on a stray hair. She was shocked out of her reverie not by her active imagination, but by Naomi's hand and mouth there in the places she'd imagined them. Their mouths moved together until Naomi pulled away.

'Oh,' Emily gasped, letting go of a breath she'd held too long.

'Fuck,' Naomi mumbled. 'I only meant to do that in my head, I mean, I didn't mean. If it was too much just say, I thought you were giving out signals.'

Naomi's doubt sent confidence travelling through Emily's body. She reached back out to Naomi's face and pulled her into a kiss so deep she struggled to regain her breath. Everything she'd ever wished for was right there, in the form of a beautiful woman she hadn't been able to forget since she was thirteen. And then a group of kids bashed into them, pulling Emily from her dreamlike state. She looked over to the young boys who stared at them in awe. They couldn't have been any older than her younger brother; in fact one of them looked a little like James' friend Gordon. Her mind took control of her body. Naomi's hands were on her hips, touching her in a way that suggested they were more than friends. The boys were whispering to each other, laughing and continuing to stare. Flashes of her little brother stood there with them filled her brain and for the first time her lack of breath was not because of Naomi. Then her family were there, all of them staring at her with surprise and fear and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Jenna's eyes filled with tears, Katie's hand fell hard across her face. Then Naomi touched the same cheek with her soft, slender fingers, pulling her away from her thoughts. Her family were gone, the boys were disappearing into the mini-golf centre and Emily stared up into Naomi's eyes with all the fear she held in her heart.

'No,' she whispered. 'Not here.'

Naomi nodded her understanding, tugged on her hand and they walked back towards Emily's car. The touch of Naomi's fingers interlinked with her own made her feel more comfortable but she couldn't shake the feeling that she shouldn't be making it obvious to the world. What if James really was nearby? Or Katie? Or anyone who knew her?

'How are you getting home?' Emily asked when the car was unlocked.

'The bus.'

'I'll drive you.'

They climbed into the car silently, Emily reached for the steering wheel and realised how physically shaken she was. The one thing she'd wanted to happen for weeks was happening and all she could think about was the ramifications of her family discovering the truth.

'You're not out, are you?' Naomi asked, her hand moving to Emily's, cupping it against the steering wheel. All she could do was shake her head and let the tears fall from her eyes. Naomi's grip tightened.

'I'm sorry. I should have asked. I shouldn't have just kissed you.'

'I wanted you too.'

Naomi's lips curled at the sides and she wrapped her whole body around Emily's. Her face pushed into the soft material of Naomi's jumper, quickly moistening the wool. She made note to apologise for that to Naomi as soon as the tears subsided.

**Author Note****: It's good to be back...I hope this chapter was worth the wait. :-)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Since a few people were wondering - I was working at a camp for teenagers, doing climbing, archery, team building amongst other things. Quite an up and down few weeks but ultimately and enjoyable experience.**

**Thanks for all of the lovely reviews, you guys make me so happy and make me feel like it's actually worth continuing writing. This chapter isn't the longest but I am off to London tomorrow (until Saturday) so I wanted to give you something and it seemed the perfect place to end it so didn't want to extent it for the sake of it. Enjoy!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Nine**

They kissed again.

The world around them had grown dark and Naomi's street was virtually unknown to anyone that might have been in Emily's life at that time. She felt comforted in the knowledge that no one would see her. Kissing Naomi was like she'd imagined; her soft lips, shaped almost perfectly for Emily's, made her question her fairy tale thoughts and recent reality over the possibility of someone being made just for her. Then it was over again and she heaved a disappointed sigh.

'I'm sorry,' Naomi whispered, doubt passing across her features in ugly twists of the skin. They weren't ugly on Naomi, only the thought of the pain that seemed housed there made them appear so. They were in fact beautiful, everything about Naomi was beautiful.

'What for?'

'I don't know.'

Emily reached a hand out to Naomi's face, her fingers brushed against lips sending a shiver down Emily's spine. The space between them shrank again and despite only a kiss taking place, Emily's mind rushed forward; minutes, hours, days, until she was lay horizontally in a bed with those long, pale arms wrapped around her. The kiss intensified and she questioned her ability to take things further. She'd never, she hadn't had the chance; she hadn't found anyone worth it; until now. That wasn't to say she wanted to rush ahead with the physical, it was too soon, despite her body screaming at her to make it happen, she had to let her head rule her heart.

'I should go,' Naomi whispered, nodding past the front window towards her mother's wandering eyes. Where the teenage boys watching sent Emily into an almost meltdown, Naomi's mother only made her feel calm. The woman had something about her, an air of acceptance that seemed alien to a Fitch.

'Oh.'

'Can we meet up tomorrow? I have the day off, maybe we could go to the park.'

'The park?' Emily laughed. 'You really like pretending to be a kid?'

Naomi's laugh faltered constantly until she looked away. Emily tried to laugh along but a tension built before she could stop it. Naomi's eyes narrowed and her face contorted again, anguish that forced the pain previously hidden to filter out through their suddenly deeper relationship.

'Please Emily, the park just outside of the centre; I'd really like to see you.'

'Okay.'

xxx

That night Emily tossed and turned, sleep seeming distant in the grand scheme of the night. She slept a little, dreamt too much and wondered when the night would end. She couldn't decide what her thought process was, despite spending hours thinking about it. Something wasn't right, she knew that much. Naomi, though someone she still cared very much for, was actually a stranger. A person she knew very little about. They liked each other enough to kiss, but could they ever trust each other enough for Naomi to share the inner workings of her mind.

The morning only brought problems, issues Emily suspected wouldn't be far off but never realised would arrive so soon.

'Emily darling,' Jenna's voice filled the room from the loudspeaker of her phone. 'Katie told me about your date with that boy. When you come over for dinner at the weekend; bring him along.'

Room for argument was thrown out with the assertive tone that Emily had always struggled with. If Jenna was ill or let her guard down, Emily would be able to get past her demands. But on an average day she struggled to do anything but nod and smile, especially when a message was all she could respond to.

As if on cue to make life harder, the phone rang. Jonah's stutters made it impossible for Emily to understand what was going on until she shouted at him. If only she could be so strong with Jenna.

'I got a call from your parents,' he finally informed her. As if it wasn't bad enough.

'What?'

'Apparently Katie gave them my number and since we're dating.'

'We're not dating.'

'I know we're not dating Emily, but Katie and your parent's think we are. Why do they think we're dating? I mean, not to sound like I wouldn't love to date you because you're a very lovely girl, but since you like girls and all.'

'I don't like girls.'

'No,' Jonah muttered. 'You don't like girls.'

There was silence. In which time Emily did her best to level out her breathing. She couldn't process let alone think of something to say.

'If you didn't know, I was winking when I said that.'

'Oh.'

She didn't like to compare adults to children, but something about the way Jonah behaved made her think of her little brother. He was nothing like him in the sexually mature sense, not by halves, but he didn't seem to grasp certain aspects of life that she found so easy. On the other hand, the way he acted made her smile. He was sweet, in that innocent and butter wouldn't melt way that made children so appealing to many. People always thought she was like that, or at least they wanted to believe it about her.

'Why do your family think we're more than friends?' Jonah questioned, forcing Emily to face what she'd hoped to ignore.

'Because I didn't tell them we weren't.'

'But why? It's very easy; I've had to tell my mum lots of times. 'No mum, I'm not with Effy. No mum, I'm not with Katie. No mum, I'm not with Andrew.''

'Andrew?'

'A friend from college.'

Emily let out a sigh and held the phone between her ear and shoulder; she wasn't in the mood for small talk that went round in circles. She needed the conversation to go somewhere, and fast.

'I was going on a date,'

'With a girl?'

'No, with Michael Barrymore.'

'Really?'

Sarcasm often appeared lost on Jonah, except for when he attempted to do it himself. She was becoming exasperated and despite telling herself many times, she kept forgetting that Jonah wasn't like everyone else.

'No Jonah, with a girl. Katie assumed it was with you and I didn't correct her.'

'So now I have to come to dinner with your family.'

'No you,' she informed him before the clocks began to turn and a plan formed in her brain. 'Actually, if you didn't mind, I'd love it if you came to dinner.'

'Okay.'

The response sounded convincing, though part of Emily assumed it probably didn't need to sound convinced because it already would be. He was a kind-hearted person after all and seemed to think less of the reasoning behind her asking and more about the fact that she asked. She considered where the conversation would go next and decided against allowing it to continue.

'Look, Jonah, I have to go out soon. Can you come over this evening and we'll talk about it properly?'

'Only if you have mango juice,' he requested. 'I can't deceive parents without drinking mango juice.'

Emily couldn't help but laugh, not only at Jonah's strange request, but at just how clever he really was.

xxx

The park was run down, which Emily noticed instantly. She'd walked past it nearly every day for six month when she started her job at the coffee shop. It had barely changed. The benches still lay broken, paint chipped and faded. Plaques for relatives been and gone either rubbed bare or graffitied over. It was a place of her nightmares on dark, winter evenings, a place she almost got attacked in only days after getting the coffee shop job. She promised herself then that she'd never set foot in the park alone again. Luckily enough that blonde hair that shone under even the dullest of skies was waiting for her, the smile she felt drawn to. If they weren't in public she probably would have greeted her with her arms pulled tightly around her neck and her tongue sinking into the mouth she'd spent several of her waking hours dreaming about. All she could see was Naomi, her arms hanging down by her sides and a fearful doubt covering her beautiful blue orbs. Emily's own fear of the park was erased by the one thing she hoped would make life better.

'Who's that?'

The world grew from just Emily and Naomi to a small voice. Emily looked to her left where Naomi's arm ended and that of a little girl began. A little girl, who under any other circumstance would look like any little girl, but beside Naomi, looked exactly like the person Emily knew, without really knowing, was her mother.

'I hope you don't mind me bringing Erin along? She's, erm, well, she's my daughter.'

**Author Note****: So that's where I left it...thoughts? I'd love to know your thoughts, like fierce you know! See you all on Saturday, if not before, since I will be taking my phone, etc. with me.**


	11. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: I had a great time in London, thank you to those who asked. This is for all you fantastic people reading this story who have reviewed and for those who have just read, I'd love to hear from you too if you feel like saying hi.**

**There's a place I'm trying to get to right now and with this chapter I feel like I'm filling a little, but hopefully the next one will kick start the Naomily world even more.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Ten**

A duck waddled across the path towards the little girl, her small hand outstretched to the bird's beak, a piece of bread too large for the duck clutched by chubby fingers. Naomi rushed forwards, pulled her daughter, her _daughter_, away from the animal, warning her about the dangers of getting too close. The exchange was brief, though long enough a snapshot to show the level of feeling Naomi had for the child. Not that there was any doubt she wouldn't love her daughter. Emily perched on the edge of a bench, watching, waiting. She wasn't sure what she was waiting for anymore. Naomi was a mother, a parent and though the concept of someone her age having a child wasn't a strange one, she had never seen any sign that Naomi was tied up in any way with anyone, least not someone as significant as a person's flesh and blood. Questions floated into her mind, then back out again without having reached her lips; was Cook Erin's father? How did it happen when Naomi liked girls? Though she knew full well there was more to life than liking girls, there were ways and means a person could sleep with a man without caring for them and even with. Why didn't Naomi talk about her before? What happened to get Naomi into the position she was in? Why hadn't she _told_ _her_ before? Why wasn't it the first thing that came out of her mouth? 'Hi, I'm Naomi and I have a four year old daughter.' No, that wasn't Naomi. Even after such a short time Emily understood Naomi's need for independence. She liked to shop in the evening, alone, for one. Then again, the evening was the only time she probably wasn't spending with her daughter or working.

'You're struggling with it.'

Four words spoken with more pain and sorrow than Emily could even muster. She glanced up into those blue eyes and stared deep into them. The pain and sorrow was there too, more so than just the need for Emily to accept this part of her life. The past, it clouded the entrance to her soul and as Emily stared deeper she felt the fog lift and a new level of trust formed in the silence.

'Let's go to the playground,' Naomi suggested, breaking the eye contact. Emily nodded and followed the two person family down the path towards a playground. As they got closer the little girl reached out for Emily's hand, putting her own trust in the new person in her life when she asked to be swung. A nod of approval from Naomi and they swung her along until they reached the slides. Erin, her blonde ponytail bouncing behind her, ran off towards the ladder.

'Emily?'

A hand came down to Emily's side, interlinking their fingers and pulling her towards another bench. The urgency in Naomi's voice caused Emily's heart to beat faster, wrenching up in fear. She thought of every possibility; of Naomi informing her that things weren't going to work out between them; of Naomi wrapping her arms tightly around her and whispering how much she loved her and always had. Though she doubted the latter would happen.

'I have a past.'

'We all have a past.'

'I know,' Naomi sighed, frustrated. Then she shook her head and muttered an apology. 'A lot has happened to me since we left college, my daughter is the most important person in the world to me. Do you understand that?'

'Of course.'

What was there to understand? Children were meant to be loved, to be cherished. They were supposed to be the most important person in a mother's life and loved unconditionally; at least when they were children. Jenna Fitch filled Emily's thoughts, which she brushed aside, her own misfortunes fighting to surface.

'I can't tell you everything, not right now. But I will, as long as you're around. I'll tell you everything in time.'

Long slender fingers covered her face and she looked away. Emily reached out her own hand and pulled back Naomi's shelter. She wasn't afraid, she wasn't ready to run. She was in shock and everything would take some time to process, but she wasn't going anywhere. She leant towards Naomi's wet cheek and kissed away the tears that had fallen.

'Take your time, I'm here.'

xxx

They parted ways before they got to the high street. Naomi wanted to go by Stoned on the way home and Emily quickly remembered her meeting with Jonah. She wanted to kiss her goodbye; she wanted it so much that a lump formed in her throat causing a startling pain. She loathed her secret life, hiding behind her fear of the truth was no better than living without anyone. Except that when she left, allowed Naomi's fingers to slip from her grip, she felt an immense bond, a growing love and trust that she'd never had before. Not with anyone. She watched Naomi depart, waited until two blonde heads of hair disappeared out of sight before she allowed herself to continue towards the bus stop. Her car was now in a garage somewhere looking for a new owner, she couldn't afford it, not without a job. She had very little saved up in the bank and what she did have was being swindled away on the flat. It was becoming customary to have just one proper meal a day, no fresh produce and too much sugar. Life was, in every other capacity, a horrible existence she neither asked for nor wanted. The only thing making it better was the thought of Naomi waiting for her, expecting her to be at the supermarket at the end of the week. She didn't have the heart or confidence to tell her that she had nothing to buy and little to buy it with.

'There you are,' Jonah stood up from the front step of the apartment block, his face taut and his fingers moving between his hands nervously. He stared at her for longer than was socially acceptable before stepping aside to allow her to open the door.

'Sit down, do you want any water?' Emily offered when they reached the flat.

'What about the mango juice?' Jonah asked, his eyes narrowing harshly.

'I'm sorry; I've had a lot on my mind.'

'Oh, okay.'

Tears seemed to build in Emily's eyes; she pushed them closed with the hope of warding off the teary warning. The day had taken its toll, no matter how much she wanted to tell herself that everything was okay. Naomi had a child and though it didn't bother her outright, it still had an impact. How could it not? Nothing would ever be the same again, she would never be Naomi's only priority and a part of Emily actually felt ashamed at how jealous she felt over losing that place she'd barely even gained. No, things weren't the same, would never be fairytales and pretty flowers. They never would have been, but at least before she had the option to pretend that things were perfect.

'So dinner,' Jonah whispered, forcing Emily's attention to return to the young man sat across from her. She smiled at him, a forced smile to make him think everything was okay, despite the truth being something deeper.

'Are you sure you don't mind coming? I'm sure I can sort something else out.'

'It's fine,' Jonah smiled. 'But maybe this time you could make sure there's some mango juice.'

xxx

Naomi didn't really look up when Emily approached her; she let her bike chain drop against the wall securely, then reached for Emily's hand and pulled her along the side of the building. Emily's heart raced ahead of her, the last few days had been no easier than the one before. Naomi was a mother, a mother with a child who relied on her for every little thing. She didn't mind, she didn't care that there was this little helpless person demanding Naomi's attention and getting it without fail. Well, she cared a little. Her brain overthought the situation, continued to replay the afternoon at the park; swinging the little girl along the path, watching her run up the ladders and travel down the metal slide. They acted like it was the most natural thing in the world, it felt like it too. Emily found Naomi's daughter to be a very funny and smart little girl who seemed to like her back. Even so, that didn't push away the worries she had, the awkwardness she now felt chasing after Naomi.

'Where are we going?' Emily gasped.

There was no time for a reply; the wall collided with Emily's back, scraping roughly against the material of her clothes until she felt it pressing harshly against her skin. It hurt, but only for a moment. The pain quickly replaced by that of Naomi's teeth gently nibbling on her bottom lip. Their lips moving fast against each other, tongues and saliva being shared between their two mouths; and Naomi's hand pushing higher and higher across Emily's stomach towards her bra.

'Fuck.'

Urgent movements, Naomi's body pressed firmly against her and the hand wandering ever so hastily down her skirt sent warning signs through Emily's lustful body. She wanted Naomi, wanted to kiss her more than anything. She just wasn't sure she was ready, ready to have Naomi act in such a forceful way, ready to have sex in public, ready to have sex full stop.

'I want you so fucking much,' Naomi sighed into her ear, as her hand slid further under Emily's waistband.

A car alarm went off in the distance pulling Naomi away from Emily's side; she wished she could thank someone for breaking them apart. Instead she stared up into Naomi's passion filled eyes, tried to find the love she herself was beginning to feel, only to witness the saddest look she'd ever seen. Emily's heart melted.

'You don't want this.'

'Yes, I do, I fucking need this,' Naomi cried out, reaching out to kiss her again, instead Emily pushed her back, holding her at a distance.

'No, Naomi.'

They stood facing each other, distance between them. Emily let each breath slowly fill her lungs before forcing the breath out even slower. Her heart sped along causing her body to want to continue at such speed, but she couldn't handle it anymore. She reached out and pulled Naomi's hand towards her, pulling her closer until the hand was sandwiched between them.

'Tell me the truth.'

Naomi's eyes filled with tears, her face creasing up with anguish and betrayal. Emily's free hand moved across her cheek, wiping away the sliding droplets of salty liquid that kept coming. She wished she knew what was going on inside Naomi's head, what was causing the tears, the breakdown of the person she always thought was stronger than herself, but she didn't want to rush her. She couldn't forgive herself if she pushed her away. Instead she pulled her into her arms and held her there, stroking her back and kissing the side of her head as tiny sobs left Naomi's throat, followed by three very small, very broken words.

'Don't leave me.'

**Author Note****: This probably seems a bit out of character for Naomi, but please have faith that things will be good...I must say, I'm loving writing Naomi in this.**

**Lots of tears...make me happy and send me a smile!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Many apologies that this chapter has taken a while to get out. I've been rather busy settling into my new job and I've had a rather low mood for about a week now. Fingers crossed I'm coming out of that. It doesn't help living with a 28-year-old teenager who wakes you up between 7 and 9 every morning (even the mornings when lie-ins are allowed!) and won't let you type past 11 (because she has to be up early) not to mention the amount of noise she makes at general times of the day.**

**Anyway, I'd like to thank you wonderful people for your reviews. Especially those of your who review often; **_**LoveGossipGirl, Blue bike, lumagoo1015, FreakFlagFlyin**_**...there's more but I probably couldn't name you all! Thank you so much for being such wonderful reviewers.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Eleven**

The evening was peaceful, the calm after the storm. Naomi's eyes twitched as she slept, her lips pressed together tenderly. She looked happy, contented in her dreams; a far cry from the hour earlier. Emily looked back at the moment Naomi's tears started and how scared she appeared, the begging that did little to comfort her.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Emily assured her, repeating it again and stroking back her blonde locks.

She didn't intend to. Naomi needed her and though she hadn't admitted it outright, she needed Naomi too. The relationship, whatever it was, was pushing itself forward without either of their help. They could do nothing but watch, hope and beg that things would work out. Naomi said little else after that, asked Emily to take her home, to take her somewhere safe. If only she had her car she would have driven her back to her home, where Gina could look after her. Emily didn't understand what was going on, or why she was so broken. She just knew she wanted to, no _needed_ to protect her. So she took her to her own home, the only place she could go on the late night bus.

'Where are we?' she asked when they entered the building.

'Home, my home.'

The tears stemmed then, began to dissipate amongst the silence around them. Emily took her to the bedroom, allowed her to strip to her underwear in private and climb under the covers. She would sleep elsewhere tonight. But not before Naomi drifted off to sleep. She whispered thoughts, messages she wished her mum would still say to her when she was upset. Things she longed to hear as a teenager when Jenna put her tears down to merely hormones.

'Just sleep,' she finally spoke, kissing Naomi's cheek and clearing her face of stray hairs. She wasn't asleep, not entirely. Emily's breath stopped in her throat until Naomi's hands wrapped around her neck and pulled her closer. They lay there together with Naomi in her underwear until the blonde finally let go.

She couldn't sleep, not then, not when her mind was racing along to the silent dance of the stars in the night sky. On the outside they looked peaceful, gentle, but up there, miles from where they could be seen, they travelled along at speeds beyond what the human eye could see. Emily couldn't sleep, not because she wondered what secrets lay in Naomi's dormant mind, but because she didn't know how a relationship as new as theirs could survive so much turbulence. She didn't need to know what Naomi wasn't telling her, she didn't feel like secrets were being kept purposefully. She knew, whether she liked it or not, that if she expected answers from Naomi, then Naomi would have a right to expect answers in return; answers that Emily wasn't willing to give. Their lives were only just beginning to mix; there was no rush to know everything, to be open about everything in their past, present and future. As long as it all came out in the end. That was all that mattered.

xxx

Emily woke to pain. Her head began pounding before she'd even opened her eyes and her throat scratched in the way it did when she'd had little sleep. A phone screamed out across the room as though abandoned. That wasn't the first time she'd heard that sound, it had been in her dream before breaking through and separating her night-time antics with the early morning. Naomi began to stir beside her, uncurling her fingers and toes until she reached her full length. Her eyes stayed closed as Emily waited for the moment she would see the gentle blue of Naomi's pale orbs. She didn't want to miss out on every second of waking up to Naomi in her bed for the very first time, despite an irk in the pit of her stomach reminding her that the night before hadn't been reason to celebrate; if anything, a daunting feeling lingered leaving Emily scared of the first words shared that day. Instead Naomi's face lit up, her eyes growing with hope, enthusiasm and happiness. Unfortunately it was short lived when the briefly silent phone screamed again, dragging their attention away from the other's face.

'Christ,' Naomi moaned, her eyes quickly turning downwards in sorrow and guilt. Emily had questions, queries and general wonderings about what had happened before they went to bed and what would happen now. Now that she knew there was more to Naomi than a smile and strong morals.

'Cook? What the...? No. Fuck off. I stayed out last night. Yes the girl from Stoned, not that it's any of your business. I said fuck off. I'm already fucking late. I know it's open twenty four seven but I said I'd go now. Jesus Christ, don't be like that. Fine, I'll see you at four. Tell Erin I love her. I hate you too.'

The phone landed carelessly beside Naomi's bag before being thrown for a second time and reaching its destination; Emily watched Naomi's happy mood dissipate quickly, her hands shaking whilst she gathered the items of clothes she'd left around the room. The change worried Emily to no end.

'Fucking tit.'

'Do you want some breakfast?' Emily asked, searching for a way of lightening the mood without trivialising everything in Naomi's life.

'I have to go. Sorry about last night, it shouldn't have happened.'

'Which bit?'

'All of it.'

To say she was disappointed would have been an understatement. She wasn't happy with how things came about, the pain Naomi had to exhibit for their relationship to take steps forward in building trust. But she didn't regret it, being there for Naomi, holding her as she cried, allowing her to let off steam.

'I'll see you soon,' she muttered, picking up her bag and walking towards the door. Emily's chest rose and fell, heaving every breath as a lump formed in the back of her throat.

'Naomi, wait a second,' she whispered, afraid to speak properly for fear of giving her tears room to fall. She didn't need to speak again, Naomi stopped in the doorway, her face blank as she stared back. Her eyes betraying her with every feeling Emily could possibly think of; a mixture of confused thoughts. She climbed off the bed and rushed across the room, wrapping her arms around Naomi's back and sliding her tongue into her waiting mouth. Then something changed, Naomi's mouth closed up against her, hands pressing into her shoulders until she was forced to pull away. The sorrow in Naomi's face still there as she let out tiny sobs.

'Not today.'

xXx

A dark cloud hung over Emily's head until the light that made life better had been completely submerged. Her head pounded, pushing the earlier pain to the surface with every waking breath. The depth of her feelings for Naomi only made things worse. The moment Naomi left, Emily sunk to the bed, curling up into a tiny ball and staring at the whiteness of her pillow. She wallowed, she hated doing so, imagined that if she still lived at home then Katie would probably tell her to stop being such a fucking wet blanket about every tiny detail in life. Living alone meant it didn't matter, shouldn't matter, but now it did. She was growing sick and tired of behaving like a depressed person with little happiness. Yet even knowing it bothered her didn't push her to act. Thinking and doing were two very different things, the more she thought without action, the more realistic that statement had become. She didn't know why Naomi had behaved the way she did, there was nothing to help her, no guide that assured her not to worry, that things were perfectly normal. She wasn't sure that they were. In all the years she'd listened to Katie's trials and tribulations, she couldn't recall a single rant about someone walking out on her having refused to share a kiss. She got angry, furiously angry until she could feel her blood boiling up inside. How dare Naomi hurt her, put her into a position where she had no idea how to react, or what caused the incident to happen. If she didn't know, she couldn't fix it. As far as she suspected, it wasn't her fault, so the incident had to be personal to Naomi, which meant there was even less just cause for Naomi to leave the way that she did.

xXx

Dinner was the last thing on Emily's mind, her heart wasn't in it and neither was her head. It still hurt. Too much had happened; too many things had captured her thoughts, stealing her away from the defences she'd built up for dinners with the family. When she arrived at her parent's home, Jonah stood on the path, wringing his hands together and mumbling things to, what appeared to be, a tree.

'Hi, I'm Jonah. Hi I'm Jonah Jeremiah Jones, JJ for short. Hi Mr and Mrs Fitch, I'm Jonah, but you can call me JJ.'

'Relax,' Emily informed him, slipping a hand neatly into his. He jumped at first, the contact a surprise. Then he loosened up and squeezed it caressingly. If he meant anything more than friends to her, she would have enjoyed the contact, found it really attractive a feature. Suddenly she felt guilty. He was hopeless, no matter which way she put it. He probably wouldn't find it easy getting a girlfriend and here she was playing with his emotions. He knew the score, but someone as inexperienced as Jonah was bound to take on board every fake act as though it was real. It was difficult not to, she'd done it herself with Naomi. Read too much into little things that meant nothing. She removed her hand.

'Did I do something wrong?' he asked, consciously.

'No, Jonah, it was lovely. But we're not, we can't ever, I don't want either of us to get confused by this.'

Thankfully the door opened, the conversation was over. If Jenna wasn't staring at them with her fierce eyes, Emily would have been thankful. Instead she longed to return to a few moments earlier, where she felt awkward and unsure about Jonah; anything to put off having dinner with her family and her new 'boyfriend'.

xXx

The atmosphere was intense, for all their usual faults, Rob and Jenna actually surprised Emily. They looked nervous, Jonah looked nervous, even Emily herself felt her cheeks reddening from how awkward things had become. Nothing really happened, the conversation had started off briefly about what Jonah did for a job, the fact he went to the same college as Katie and Emily and how marvellous it was that he was now dating her. So says Jenna anyway. Aside from the tense silence that had followed and continued to linger for nearly twenty minutes, Emily found it harder than she'd imagined lying about his role in her life; especially when she was asked questions about Jonah which she didn't know the answer to.

'For fucks sake mum, they've only been out a few times. Give them a chance to get to know each other before you start grilling Emsy for information.' For all of her flaws, Katie could read situations well and in everything other than her sexuality, Katie knew Emily better than anyone; even herself sometimes.

The afternoon dragged by, minutes felt like hours under the watchful gaze of the Fitch family. There were times in her life when Emily wondered if she was living in a fish tank in an aquarium, her life not her own, but that of the people around her; watching, waiting for her to do or say something interesting. She hated the pressure of family dinners, hated them even more when she was the special guest. Even with Jonah there, the one Rob asked all the questions to, the one Jenna tried to fatten up. She was still the one being carefully analysed, each action; each mouthful of food being carefully thought about. She doubted she really was the fish and that Jenna cared more about pleasing the guest than keeping an eye on her daughter. But that didn't stop Emily feeling that way.

'Aren't you that mental circus freak that Katie used to tell us stories about?'

The table went silent and all eyes fell to the youngest Fitch, the one who needed to be the fish. _He_ was the circus freak, always spouting out rubbish. Even at eighteen, he hadn't managed to shake his comedy timing. Not that he realised he was doing it most of the time, when he was twelve it was funny. Now he was an adult things became less funny and more offensive. There would have been a time in her life when Emily would have clipped him round the ear and told him not to be so fucking rude. That was before; before she grew up into a world where she couldn't be herself. Before she had the confidence knocked out of her twice as hard as before. She sometimes wondered if her confidence was decreasing with age and maybe one day she'd revert back to being a shy person sat in the corner of the world staring at the ground beside her. And then there was Naomi, a person to be brave for, a wonderful, special girl who made her heart skip beats without even being there. She wanted to be with her, wanted to love her like she deserved and really, desperately wanted to share her with the world.

'I'm surprised you and Emily are together, for a while there I actually thought Ems might be a dyke.' And then comedy James opens his big month and everything she'd thought, hoped, begged herself to make happen, dissipated into the bowl of soup going cold in front of her.

'Don't be stupid James, Emsy like girls? That's like suggesting Katie liking, well, girls. Two peas in a pod eh mate.'

That was the last word on that subject. _Forever_. She couldn't tell them, not that she'd been planning to. But how could she do it when they were so closed off to the idea of anyone in their family liking someone other than the opposite sex? She laughed, nervously, glanced around at the family and allowed their own laughs to fill the void.

'Fuck off James,' Katie snapped, smacking him across the head, completing what Emily had only considered happening. Her hands shook, so she dropped her fork carefully onto the plate and linked them together on her lap. Sickness followed a number of very heavy breaths, adding to the drum still playing on her temples and then she waited patiently for something, anything to break the silence and make the situation better than it was.

As if her prayers had been answered, her phone began to ring. A distinct tune programmed specifically to Naomi sang out until Emily's stomach twisted up in knots. She wanted to answer it, desperation kept her hand hovering on the side of her pocket. But she was in public, in the presence of her family. How could she answer the phone to the one person who could ruin her life? When the call ended a weight lifted from her shoulder, only to fall back against her skin with full force. Naomi wasn't giving up.

'Answer the bloody phone, would you love?' Rob muttered, shovelling a final forkful of food into his mouth before rubbing his bloated stomach. 'Boss meal love, you are my kitchen goddess.'

The conversation died away as Emily stepped into the garden. She waited for the phone to ring a third time and answered it with a hushed greeting. Despite a brick wall and glass windows between her and the family, she still felt uncomfortable talking to Naomi with them so close by.

'I'm sorry.'

Even in the vulnerable state it came out, Naomi's voice made Emily's lips curl at the edges. She felt gleeful at the phone call. She'd been worried, very worried, scared even. She desperately wanted the relationship to go somewhere, she wanted someone to love and wished and hoped that Naomi could be that person.

'What for?'

'Everything; I need to see you.'

Naomi's voice wavered with every word she spoke. A day after walking out and Naomi wasn't any better, any happier; it didn't take a genius to work that out. All of the possibilities came to mind; dropping everything to be by Naomi's side, calling Jonah out of the dinner because of some 'emergency with his mum', telling Naomi that people can't walk all over her and hanging up the phone. She'd never do that, not least because she felt guilty but she wasn't very good at harsh treatment either, even if people deserved it.

'I'm busy,' she muttered with a gentle tone.

'Please Emily,' Naomi begged. 'I'm ready; I'm ready to tell you the things I should have told you yesterday.'

**Author Note****: Please review and I hope to see you all again next chapter, when Naomi's past will begin being uncovered...**


	13. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews, I'm very happy to have another chapter with you so soon, even if it took a walk to the supermarket just to get the peace to finish it off.**

**For 'you're looking sexy' - I hope you're okay after your car accident, I'm glad I could help cheer you up. :-)**

**And for 'lumagoo1015' - I hope you're able to come out soon, as I hope for Emily too. Families can be difficult. Good luck!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twelve**

Jonah left with some reluctance, Jenna was anything but happy about Emily's early departure and would have rather Jonah stay to make up for it. Emily knew better than that. The poor thing was already quaking in his shoes after a firm grilling on his intentions from Rob; Emily couldn't just leave him there. She didn't care about him in the 'he's my boyfriend' sense, but he was doing her a massive favour and for that she owed him. He asked no questions, even when she begged him to drive her to Naomi's house as quickly as possible. When they pulled up outside Naomi's they sat in silence, staring up at the yellow wooden frame of the porch. It looked even more beautiful in daylight than it had that night Naomi's bike had a puncture. Flowers grew in the front garden, out of control; a symbol of Naomi's life perhaps? She couldn't help but wonder. Nerves got the better of her, stealing away her attention span. She fiddled with the material of her skirt and cleared her throat multiple times. Jonah filled the silence with comments on the 'lovely house' and assurance that he wasn't going to pry. She thanked him, kissed his cheek and climbed out of the car before her nerves got the better of her.

'I'm sorry,' Naomi whispered when she opened the door, her hands reaching out instantly to Emily's waist where she grappled with the material to get a better grip. She let Naomi pull her into the house, pull her into a long, drawn out kissed filled with all of the love and admiration she had for the sweet, blonde haired girl by her side.

Emily forced her concerned look to mould into a smile; 'As long as you're okay.'

They walked through the house; an old fashioned style wooden staircase disappeared up towards the second floor, a bright but gentle yellow covered the walls surrounded by decorations from all over the globe; or at least a shop that sold international products. The style showed little of what Emily had known to be Naomi. She suspected the décor was probably down to her mother instead; a more stylish woman than ultra-modern Jenna Fitch that was for sure.

'You wanted to talk,' Emily began, attempting to push the conversation, the reason for her being there, along.

'Soon,' Naomi nodded. 'Would you like a drink?'

The night moved forwards quicker than Emily expected. When they sat down with a bottle of wine she assumed a glass and the start of a conversation, instead she watched Naomi shying away from the confrontation she anticipated following. Her gaze lowered from Emily's on several occasions, her eyes full of doubt and lack of confidence. There were times when Emily wished she could have told her that everything was okay, but she knew she would be doing a disservice to herself and Naomi. She couldn't tell Naomi about the things that affected her on a day-to-day basis, so how could she expect Naomi?

'I'm sorry,' Naomi repeated an hour or so later, half of the bottle empty. Emily's head maintained its stability, despite a slight buzz making the evening run more smoothly. It settled her nerves, removed her worries and allowed her to sit there in comfort as Naomi's fingers danced circles across her palms.

'What for?' Emily questioned, forgetting the reason for her visit, if only for a moment. 'It's okay.'

Naomi nodded. 'I feel like I'm falling too fast and there's nothing there to catch me.'

Emily closed her eyes, scared her pupils would betray her. She longed to inform Naomi that she wasn't the only one, that each moment in her presence made her heart beat that little bit faster and every time their lips made contact she expected her heart to give out. When she opened them again, Naomi wasn't looking away, she was staring right into them with hope.

'I got scared,' she whispered, taking away the need for Emily to respond. 'I wanted to let you be there, to hold me, to kiss me. I, I couldn't. I want to now.'

'Oh.'

'When I'm with you, I feel like I'm a better person; less lonely, less alone.'

'Alone?'

Loneliness wasn't an alien concept; Emily knew it better than most. She couldn't understand how someone in Naomi's position, living with a mother she seemed to get along with and a child she cared deeply for. How could she be lonely? Except for love; honest, true, romantic love that Emily dreamt about for years before it finally graced her presence. How could she, Emily, doubt Naomi's loneliness when she had never faced up to her own?

'Did you ever watch One Tree Hill? With Payton, 'people always leave', it was her signature thing.'

She hadn't, though she nodded in response. A vague recollection of Katie forcing her to sit down to an episode that involved a picture with those very words; she hadn't cared much for it, but the feeling of loneliness had come across. People do leave; which meant they had to have left Naomi, for the conversation to have even taken this turn.

'I was once in a relationship,' Naomi began, her voice disappearing under the gentle tone. 'I loved him.'

'Him?'

'He left me, he,' her voice broke away, disappearing into the silence of the early evening. The room had grown dim from the approaching night; Naomi's face lay in almost darkness, except for a small stream of light filtering in from the hallway. Her face was, instead, lit up across one side and Emily caught tears rolling down the edge of her skin. 'No one has ever stayed for long since then.'

'I'm not leaving,' Emily whispered, reaching a hand out to brush away Naomi's tears. She hated to see her like that, wished there was a way she could fix the broken mess Naomi seemed to become. Her fingers moved across the pale skin until Naomi's own interlinked with them. Naomi closed her eyes and rested her head against their hands, a tiny smile stealing attention.

The questions that filled her conscious slowly evaporated in the moment they shared, there was no need to know more; she knew that now. All that mattered was Naomi and her and what they felt for each other. The fears she'd felt earlier in the evening, faced with the intensity of her parents, faded away in the soft kisses Naomi pressed against her neck. Then their lips joined and nothing could stop them from lying back against the sofa, making out like a couple of school kids. She ended up underneath, Naomi's leg pushing up between her own; her hands wandering down the sides of Emily's body. She'd dreamt about it, in the day and night, imagined what would happen if they ever got to the point of being _together_. Inexperience and lack of knowledge pushed Emily's fears up into her throat, mixing with nerves and the anticipation of breaking her unwanted chastity. She could barely breathe, her heart thumped to the speed of their kisses, faster and faster until Naomi's fingers slid under the material of her skirt. She jumped, pushing the hand away and accidentally falling to the floor with a bump.

'Ems?' Naomi gasped into the darkness, reaching out and pulling her to her feet before attempting to pull her back into a passionate embrace. Emily's body tensed up underneath her touch. She dragged herself away, turned on the light which brought the truth to the forefront. Emily felt like a deer in the headlights of a car; the driver, Naomi, staring at her in an attempt to uncover what had happened.

Being watched by Naomi's furrowed brow made Emily's worries spring to life, 'I should go.'

'No,' Naomi demanded, standing up and taking her hands, returning their moment. She tried to look away but Naomi's eyes stared at her with intensity, little option but to look back. 'I don't think I'm the only one who feels lonely.'

'No,' Emily murmured.

'I think you want someone to want you, well, _I_ want you.'

Sex was the issue. Naomi stared at her with those eyes she'd seen Katie give multiple guys. She didn't just want her, she _wanted_ her. Her hands rested on Emily's hips with reassurance, lust. Everything she'd hoped would happen for years was being offered to her on a plate and she froze.

'I've, I've never.'

A look of realisation filled Naomi's curious gaze, a look of understanding followed. Emily's nerves doubled; a fear of rejection. Who wanted someone who'd never had sex? Intimacy was important in a relationship and if she'd never experienced it, how could anyone expect her to be any good?

'I assumed; I shouldn't have.'

None of it was Naomi's fault, so why was she acting as though it was? Emily wanted to tell her not to be so stupid, that _she_ was defected and she might as well get out while she still could. Then Naomi took her hands, pulled her knuckles up to her lips and a kiss followed. Naomi's fingers traced the lines of her hair, tangling strands up between her fingers like spaghetti on a fork. It didn't matter. For the first time in her chastised years Emily knew that it didn't matter. That someone, more specifically Naomi, didn't mind that she had never even had sex.

'Do you want to?' Naomi asked, running a finger down the side of her cheek. A chill travelled down her spine until it reached her inner core and her body reacted to Naomi's touch. Did she want to?

'Fuck yes,' she gasped, pulling Naomi closer until her own leg pressed between Naomi's and her skin burned to be closer still.

'Wait here,' Naomi informed her with a kiss to the nose and Emily was left wondering why she couldn't have what she wanted.

xXx

'Emily,' a voice shouted through the house, she stood up from her seat on the sofa and opened the door. A shout back was all she needed to get a further shout from Naomi and she followed the voice up the stairs. There she found her smiling at her with a toothy grin, a glint in her eyes and a black kimono as a dressing gown.

'Come with me,' she grinned, taking Emily's hand and pulling her into a bedroom. The room was lit up by various sizes of candles making the probably standard room look extra special. Even under the gentle, romantic light, Emily saw a laptop on a desk, a pile of children's toys in a corner and a washing basket overflowing with probably freshly removed bed sheets. She turned her attention to Naomi, the greatest woman she had ever met who held a hand out towards her. Without speaking she reached out, being pulled quickly into Naomi's arms. She'd considered the various possibilities for her first time over the years; a romantic night in a posh hotel with chocolates, rose petals, soft music and a girl she'd fallen head over heels in love with; a rushed moment in a bedroom with someone she only vaguely cared about; a quickie with a stranger in a club toilet. Whilst she'd considered the latter of the three most possible, she'd also spent night after night longing for the first to come true. It wasn't a hotel and there weren't any rose petals but it didn't matter. It was enough, it was more than enough.

'I wanted to make sure it was special.'

'Oh,' she gasped, getting lost in the blue crystals staring down at her from her inches above. 'Can we have music?'

Naomi nodded. 'I knew there was something I was forgetting.'

With Sarah McLachlan's Full of Grace playing out across the room Emily slipped her arms around Naomi's waist, pulling her body as close as she could get it without being naked. Her dreams were becoming reality, their bodies swayed gently to the sound of the music; each note of the piano in rhythm with the kisses and actions. They swayed across the room; their lips joined in soft and gentle moments, Naomi's body leading the dance, leading everything. Her mouth singing beautiful lyrics against the burning hot sections of Emily's skin, fanning the fire until there was an explosion sending them both into the stratosphere and they collapsed together, their breathing slowing with every breath, their hearts beating as one and Emily's attention lost in the palest skin between Naomi's breasts.

**Author Note****: Apologies to anyone expecting Naomi to announce everything from her past in this chapter, it was the plan, honest. But then I figured sex was a more important first step, showing that they didn't need to share things about themselves with each other, just sharing themselves was enough. For now. The truth will out eventually.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thanks a lot for the reviews, you know I love them all so much, they make my day they really do! So thanks.**

_**This one is for all of the people out there with parents who don't deserve their special, wonderful children...and one person in particular. Huge amounts of hugs.**_

**WARNING****: there is mention of things in this chapter that some may find hard. If you ever need to talk to someone, you can find my contact details on my profile and my website, I'll happily listen.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Something landed beside Emily with a thud. Her dream-filled sleep heavily interrupted, much to her annoyance. She groaned, murmured a comment angled at her little brother, before coming to remember that she wasn't at home. Not that her home was where her brother lived anyway. She cracked her eyes open, realising too late that the thud had been a small child; Naomi's small child. The blonde continued to sleep beside her and that small child, whose attention had originally been on her mother, was now on Emily. Erin's eyes were almost as brown as her own and wide with alarm. They no longer stared at Emily's face and it was with great horror that Emily realised why her brain told her she was feeling a little cold. She pulled the bedcovers up around her naked breasts hastily, holding them tightly around her.

'Erin Regina Campbell, you get your little bottom back here.'

The eldest of the Campbell women came darting into the room with a pair of socks dangling from her fingers. On sight of Emily her eyes grew as wide as Erin's. They were blue, not much different to Naomi's. _Erin's eyes must have come from her father,_ she contemplated.

'I'm sorry love,' Gina apologised, reaching out to the little girl who wriggled under her kidnappers grasp.

'Down, down,' she screamed until Gina gave in and the little girl crawled back up the bed to snuggle against her mother's side.

As if no commotion had captured the attention of everyone else in the room, Naomi wrapped an arm around Erin. 'Good morning, my special little thing.'

'I'm not a thing mummy,' Erin giggled.

'No, not _A_ thing,' Naomi smiled, her eyes barely open. '_MY_ _special _thing.'

Erin's giggles filled every chance of silence and Emily watched in amazement at what she assumed to be a regular routine. The little girl pushed herself closer against Naomi's bare breasts, barely phased by the naked body of her mother. A stark comparison with how Erin reacted to her, not escaping Emily's notice.

'Fu...dge,' Naomi cursed, watchful of her language as she sat up.

Gina only laughed at her daughter's shock expression, still attempting to prise the small child away. Emily on the other hand felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment. She'd never been in that situation before, naked in someone's bed, being caught in said bed by not only the person's mother, but also her child too. The situation resembled some sort of soap opera, not real life. In fact, since leaving university, Emily hadn't really spent any nights away from home. It suddenly dawned on her just how alone she was, or had been without Naomi. Nobody knew she was there, nobody missed her; nobody was shocked that she hadn't returned home the night before. Not that she would have told them what she had done anyway, but that wasn't the point. She, Emily Fitch, had no thought about the consequences of her staying over at someone else's house because there were no consequences when you lived alone. Realistically, that was a good thing. Had she been living with her parents, they would have asked he questions to which she would have had to lie or face the truth and she didn't really want to do either.

'I asked Grams for a Fudge but she said not 'til after dinner.'

The tiny voice, so confident in its execution of words, broke all tension. How could it not? Emily's red cheeks continued to burn but she felt less afraid of the situation. There was no way she could control it, nothing she could do to go back in time and fix it. In the end she lay back against the pillows, the bed sheet still tightly wrapped around her shoulders. Naomi smiled with sympathy, apology as she wrapped herself in the black kimono to usher her mother and child out of the room. Despite the requests from the little girl to stay, Naomi made sure to close the door properly behind them.

'Let's rewind,' Naomi muttered, climbing back into the bed and closing her eyes. Emily stared at her in confusion until her eyes opened slowly and she was drowned in a sea of blue. Naomi leant towards her and Emily's lungs were filled with what she assumed was the smell of Naomi, the natural scent of her skin. The blonde wrapped her arms tightly around Emily's shoulders, pushing the sheet out of the way to allow her access to Emily's breasts. Her fingers were cold, colder than Emily would have liked but it didn't matter. Their mouths were already joined in a passionate embrace that Emily couldn't get out of, she didn't _want_ to. They kissed, their bodies pushed together in that way Emily had always expected naked bodies to do so. She'd always wondered if their bodies would get in the way, instead she enjoyed the comforting touch of Naomi's skin warm against her own.

'Morning,' Naomi whispered, their lips barely millimetres away as she told Emily how beautiful she was.

'When did you realise?'

'That you're beautiful?'

Emily couldn't help but laugh. Perhaps it was nervous because she didn't quite feel like she was laughing at a factual statement. Was she beautiful? Really? She didn't think so, she'd never thought so. Katie was beautiful and although they were identical twins, it didn't mean they looked the same. She harnessed her looks and made herself look amazing, whereas Emily had always dressed down.

'No, that you liked women.'

'I, I guess it took a while. After we, when we kissed, I didn't realise just how much of an impact that would have. But I didn't do anything about it until I was at college.'

'Really?'

'It's how I ended up pregnant.'

'Err,' Emily let out a nervous laugh. 'I don't think that makes sense.'

'No,' Naomi smiled. 'The first girl I slept with, it was wrong, it was all wrong. Or at least it felt wrong. So I went crying to my best friend.'

'And the rest as they say is history?'

It was meant as a joke until Emily realised she was the only one laughing. Naomi turned away, her attention stolen by something. Emily regretted saying anything and couldn't find the words she needed to apologise. She was useless sometimes, no wonder she'd never had a girlfriend before. Nobody wanted someone who was virtually a recluse, a social experiment gone wrong. Why would they when they could have girls like Katie? Or Naomi. Come to think of it, why did Naomi even want her? She wasn't in the same league, not by far.

'I'm sorry.'

The biggest surprise came when Naomi said it first, as though she'd done something wrong. Emily's eyebrows furrowed, her face contorted in confusion. 'What do you have to be sorry for?'

'The things I didn't tell you, that I should have,' Naomi whispered, leaning back against the bed beside her.

Emily turned onto her side and ran one hand across Naomi's stomach. 'I said that was okay.'

'But it's not,' Naomi mumbled, her happy mood depleting. 'How can it be? You know I'm keeping things from you.'

The truth in Naomi's words was spoken with sorrow. She was right. Keeping secrets didn't make it okay, yet until Emily could be honest with Naomi, she couldn't allow herself to be mad at her. Instead she traced circles around Naomi's belly button, focusing all of her attention on the little dark crevice.

'Everyone keeps things from others; it doesn't make them a bad person, does it?'

As if reading her mind, Naomi lifted her chin with one finger, forcing their eyes to meet. Emily took a long, deep breath laced with nerves. What if this was it? The moment Naomi realised this was all a big mistake.

'No, it doesn't make either of us a bad person.'

xXx

They had breakfast; Together. Naomi, Emily, Erin and Gina, all sat around one table with toast and jam and tea. The tea seemed pride of place, various types of fancy teas Emily had only ever heard of. She couldn't remember the last time she ate breakfast with another person, let alone a whole family. At home they'd always rushed around in the morning and they only ever had standard tea. Something like that should have scared Emily, it didn't. She was comfortable, made to feel at ease by a woman she could only describe as loveable. Gina Campbell was a godsend, who, unfortunately for Emily, made her contemplate her own family set up even more than she usually did. She asked questions only about what Emily liked and disliked, not quick to pry into the deepest parts of her life like Jenna so often had with Katie or James's partners. The whole time there was no awkwardness, no feeling of being under a microscope or being judged. Gina didn't care. That wasn't to say she didn't care about Emily, her actions and words showed more love and attention than Emily could ever remember getting from her so called parents in recent years.

'Christ,' Naomi muttered when Gina disappeared into the next room. 'I said I'd take Erin in to see her dad.'

'That's okay,' Emily replied, her hand automatically moving to Naomi's shoulder in an assuring stroke. Naomi's smile lingered a moment longer on her, her lip disappearing under her tooth.

That action, that smile, it was sexy. Emily had never found many things she wanted to label as such, but Naomi, in that moment, was the definition of the word. All she could think of was the hour before, when that smile, those teeth, were the cause of the love bites now hidden away underneath her bra. She pulled Naomi into a long, drawn out kiss, the breakfast table disrupted when their bodies slid across the bare wood. Or so they did in Emily's mind. It took her all of her energy not to listen to the daydream and instead pay attention to the little girl telling a story about a green dinosaur she'd drawn earlier that morning. Emily's cheeks flushed and Naomi laughed at her, making them even redder.

'What are you thinking about?' Naomi asked, her cheeky smile making everything so much worse.

Emily shook her head, glancing towards Erin with horror. 'You don't want to know.'

'Fine,' Naomi muttered, standing up and clearing the breakfast dishes. 'Then you won't want to know what I'm thinking either.'

The angle of Naomi's smirk and a glint in her eye pushed Emily's daydreams over the edge. She stood up, about to pull the insatiable blonde into her arms when Erin spoke, stopping her in her tracks. Naomi's cheeky smirk never faltering as she moved towards Emily, her lips inches from Emily's ears when she spoke.

'I can't stop thinking about your lips tracing their way across my skin and your fingers pushing me over the edge.'

'Stop,' Emily cried out in horror. 'You-know-who is right there.'

'Why do you think I'm whispering?' Naomi giggled, kissing Emily's cheek and returning to the dishes.

'Are you usually like this?' Emily questioned, holding onto the doorframe for stability.

'That depends,' Naomi sighed.

'On what?'

'On how much I want the person I'm with.'

Emily closed her eyes. 'I think I need a shower.'

'Turn left at the top of the stairs,' Naomi responded, looking over her shoulder with a wink.

xXx

The café was relatively quiet when they entered, Erin ran off towards the kitchen door whilst Naomi guided the two of them towards a small table. She found it hard to concentrate, more so since Naomi joined her in the shower. They didn't do anything, they just shared a stream of water, but that wasn't the point. Since then Emily could think of very little but the shape of Naomi's bare body moving under the gust of water.

'What can I get you?' Effy asked, bringing Erin back to the table with her. 'A bit of lovers pie perhaps?'

'What?' Emily asked, aghast. _How did she know?_ Things had only changed the night before, until then they were sort of, not really anything. They still weren't, not officially. Even so, she didn't expect Naomi to spread the word to the world.

Naomi made an order, her words going completely over the top of Emily's head before she realised that Emily wasn't really with it. 'I didn't tell her. I promise. She does that, she just knows things.'

'Okay.'

Okay it was not. Someone other than the two of them and Gina knew that they were together; it would only be a matter of time before somehow her parents found out. That's where her thought process moved anyway, she considered whether her thoughts were likely or not. No amount of thinking helped make her feel better though. She didn't know either way and that was the scariest part.

Until Naomi's friend, Erin's dad, Cook, came out of the kitchen with his fists clenched and his teeth gritting together. Emily thought he looked like he was in the middle of pacing but then he stopped by their table and waited in silence until Naomi stood up beside him.

'Don't start,' she muttered with an eye roll. Fuck that eye roll made Emily want to jump on her.

'I do not want my daughter witnessing you in a relationship.'

'Who said I was in a relationship Cook?' Naomi asked with as much venom as Cook was sending her way.

'How about your daughter finding you in your bed with a naked lady?'

The whole world appeared to shrink around Emily, her whole body burning not with desire, but with shock, embarrassment and sheer fear. He knew too. Naomi squared up to him, her own teeth gritted. Emily tried to focus and pay attention to what was happening, but she desperately wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She felt sickness looming in the pit of her stomach.

'Would it be so wrong for me to find someone I care about?'

'Not in front of my daughter it's not. I won't have her getting attached to someone who probably won't be around next week. They never are.'

'You have cheek,' Naomi snapped, rolling her eyes. 'You have a new girl every night of the week.'

'That maybe true Naomikins, but I don't parade them in front of my four year old daughter.'

The little girl was still there. When Emily found some solace from her embarrassed state, it suddenly dawned on her that Erin was sat on a chair beside her looking anything but happy. She looked from one parent to the next with worry; the only thing worse than what she was feeling, was watching Naomi's daughter witness her parents argument. Rob and Jenna were rarely the argumentative type. They got into heated discussions that usually led to one walking out of the room, but they rarely had slanging matches that scared the whole family. Except once. Emily had woken from a nightmare; she must have been barely as old as Erin. She crept down the stairs in hope of finding solace in her mother's arms when she overheard them arguing about her aunt. Her parent's arms then became the last she needed as she crept back up the stairs to wake Katie, who promptly told her that everything would be okay before sending her to bed with a pat on the shoulder.

Effy appeared, as if reading Emily's mind as she lead the frightened child out of direct contact of the slanging match.

'I won't let you do it Naomi, I won't let you fucking hurt my kid.'

'But she's not your kid, is she James? She's MY daughter and what I say goes.'

Emily's eyes darted towards the direction Effy and Erin had disappeared in and her sympathetic thoughts were glad to see the kitchen door swinging closed. Then she returned her shocked gaze back to Naomi, who continued to stand facing Cook with vengeance on her face. They were still getting to know each other, still learning about the way they reacted to situations. If Emily was honest, Naomi's fit of rage scared her. But not as much as the anger that Cook sent back.

'You fucking bitch. I love that kid like she were my own. I gave up drugs for her, I gave up everything to keep that little girl happy and safe and where she belongs. Don't you fucking throw that back at me when I did you a fucking favour.'

'A favour?' Naomi scoffed. 'I didn't ask you to be there Cook. I didn't fucking ask you to be her dad.'

'No, but you let it happen.'

'I let it happen because I had no other choice. It was let you be there or lose her to _them_. I had no other option.'

Ever since she met Naomi she felt like she belonged, that she had a place by her side, in her life. For the first time since then she found her presence awkward. This conversation should not have happened in front of her, let alone in a public place for an old man with a beard and a couple who looked off their face on drugs to see. She stood up, contemplated sneaking out or even finding shelter in the kitchen. At the same time it was car crash viewing; so unbearable to be near, yet impossible to not give attention to.

'Don't act like it was some fucking charity act. I did it because I love you and I love her. She needed a dad.'

'She had a dad.'

'Yeah, _had_ Naomi. Couldn't keep himself alive long enough for her to be fucking born could he? Preferred to fucking kill himself than stand up to his responsibilities.'

Tension drowned the room, an eerie silence followed swiftly by a loud, hard slap across Cook's face. 'You don't know that. Nobody knows what happened.'

Emily's attention moved to Naomi and Naomi alone. The things she'd never said now out in the open. Those blue eyes Emily could lose herself in watered considerably as her head shook and then she became a blur as Naomi darted from her spot in the middle of the café. There was no doubt in Emily's mind about following. She had to go, had to be there for Naomi. One thing she'd learnt about the newfound relationship was that Naomi was strong, until the moment she wasn't. She feared for what would happen if she left her alone, her feet picking up speed as she caught the final few words that Cook shouted after them.

'He slashed his wrists in a public toilet, what do you think happened?'

**Author Note****: So...thoughts?**


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: I wish I could have given this more time and attention, but my sister came in at 10pm (baring in mind it's a Saturday night) telling me to keep the noise down because she wants to sleep. My life is not my own at the moment, forced to go to bed early, woken up early...I want my life back. Can someone please give my unemployed, always awake or asleep except when I want to be the opposite, sister a home? Just for a while...so I can sleep past 9, just once.**

**I hope this chapter was worth the wait...**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Emily found Naomi stood in an alleyway behind the cafe. A bare brick wall was dripped on from various pipes sticking out from between bricks. A large industrial bin lay on its side, overflowing across the path. There was a strong, distinct and disgusting smell travelling out of the entrance. It begged the question, why did Naomi choose such a horrible place. Albeit she stood away from the leaking walls and rubbish, but that smell and the sight of the waste rustling about was enough to knock anyone sick. And then Emily saw the broken expression on Naomi's face and suddenly nothing else mattered. She moved closer, sliding her hands around her waist and holding her body tightly against Naomi's. The blonde jumped at first, before resting her head against Emily's shoulder. Emily kissed her hair, whispered that everything would be okay. She didn't know that it would be, but it was Naomi and she was now sobbing.

'I don't need to know,' Emily whispered, pulling back to wipe the tears away from Naomi's eye. 'But if you want to talk about it, I'll listen.'

'Cook's a fucking dick.'

'Is he?' Emily asked, doubting her ability to stay strong and impartial. She agreed, for the most part, but she also wondered just what he'd done for Naomi because it sounded like more than the call of duty.

'Where's Erin?' Naomi asked, pushing Emily slightly back with fear and dread. Emily stayed strong and held her still, forced Naomi's blue eyes to focus on her brown.

'She's with Effy; it's okay.'

'No it's not okay,' Naomi snapped, her eyes darting wildly about their sockets, realisation controlling her. 'It's anything but. I fucking slapped Cook, how could I do that?'

'What he said was unthinkable, it was vile.'

'But he,' Naomi began, her voice breaking up. 'He saved her from them; he kept her with me where she belongs.'

'Erin?'

Naomi nodded her head, her eyes still unable to focus. 'If it wasn't for Cook, I'd probably be dead too.'

More tears fell, like a river on Naomi's cheeks, attempting to forge one path but struggling across the surface they had been given. Emily held her arms, rubbed them to comfort her, until she reached up and pressed kisses against Naomi's salty tears. Comfort was the most important thing to her at that very moment, making sure that Naomi was okay. But Naomi had other ideas; she pulled Emily's kisses away and forced her lips against Emily's, turning the both of them around in a circle. The wall collided with Emily's back and she got lost in Naomi's body pressing roughly against her, sandwiching her with the wall. But it wasn't right, again.

'Naomi, stop,' Emily demanded, her voice strong and controlling.

'I'm sorry; I keep making such a fucking mess of everything.'

'No, you're upset, it's okay to be upset.'

Except that in the Fitch house it hardly ever was. Her parents hadn't stopped her crying, but they hadn't made it easier on her either. In fiction parents comforted their sobbing children, wiped their tears and informed them that everything would be okay. Some bought them ice cream and magazines and watched romantic comedies with them until their mood changed. Jenna Fitch gave Emily a box of tissues and told her to pull herself together. When Katie cried she got chocolate and Heat, Emily got a lecture about being such a strong person and how Katie was hurting; even though Emily was hurting too.

'Why would you not be here if it wasn't for Cook?' Emily asked, stroking away fresh tears and walking Naomi out of the dingy back street. They found a quiet bench under a Cherry Blossom, where they sat silently side by side. The question was there, lingering and Emily wanted to wait for an answer, not push for more.

'He didn't want her.'

'Cook?' Emily questioned, before realising who Naomi was talking about. 'Erin's dad...why?'

'I guess he was shocked, his parents were very religious and they didn't know he'd had sex. He didn't want them to be disappointed in him. I didn't find out for a couple of months that I was pregnant, by which time we were doing our A levels. He was under so much pressure from his parents, if he didn't get As. He was dragging up a C average from the AS levels. He couldn't handle the pressure, looking back he was probably depressed but we were kids, you don't see that sort of thing.'

Questions were already forming in Emily's mind. He was someone she went to college with. How did she not know already? Not that she'd focused any of her attention on college; she had been too wrapped up in her own sorry existence. She wanted to know who he was, whether she'd met him, whether he was a good person underneath everything that happened. But Naomi was still talking, still telling her about his up and down moods. She refocused her attention on Naomi.

'I told him the night before our first exam, I didn't want to. I saw the stress he was under, but we went out and he was trying to get off his face to forget. I got angry at him and he couldn't understand why, so I walked out. But he followed me. We were close Emily; he was there for me when I got down. He knew when I needed someone to be there, only he didn't bargain for getting that news that night.'

Nothing else happened then; Naomi stared down at her hands and Emily watched her shaking. She reached an arm around her back and eventually Naomi moved her head to Emily's shoulder. 'What happened then Naomi?'

'He tried to carry on as normal, he told me he'd always be there and my decision was what mattered. But I could see in his eyes how scared he was. I knew he didn't agree with abortion, we'd debated women's rights and religion countless times. Then again, I didn't think I could do it either, she was my baby. _Mine_. We didn't talk much after that night. He wouldn't come near me. I tried to ask him for help, I had to tell my mum. I was scared. I was already over the twelve week mark, I needed support and he wasn't giving it to me. That's when things with Cook changed. We left college after the exams and I barely left the house except to go to the shops. That's where I bumped into him, in the maternity aisle of a women's clothes shop. He was perving over lingerie for pregnant people and he just knew, somehow, that I was in trouble.'

The tears scared Emily somewhat; Naomi wasn't calming down, in fact she was getting worse. She shook, shivering despite the relatively warm day, her face red and blotchy. A couple of passers-by looked for longer than normal. Emily rubbed her palm slowly across Naomi's back, whispering comforting messages into her ear and holding her. There was little else she could do, leaving her feeling quite useless. But the story wasn't over and Naomi wasn't ready for stopping, so she moved a hand towards her knee and squeezed it gently, letting her hand stay in the hope the contact would stop Naomi tipping over the edge.

'He helped me tell mum, he even threatened Mi, Mike to stand up to his responsibilities.'

'Mike?'

'Mi, Michael Fee.'

She met Michael once, the two history classes at the college were mixed for an assignment and Mike was in her group. They barely said a few words to each other, despite talking more to the group as a whole. He had an intensity about him, his sandy blonde hair hung down past his eyebrows and his dark, chocolate eyes were full of thought. He appeared intelligent and the group passed the assignment with high grades. That was where Emily's memories began and ended, she never really saw him other than that.

'I was eight months pregnant when he did it; a public toilet in the shopping centre at half eight in the morning. A cleaning lady apparently found him but it was too late. He, he was already. Four years ago.'

'That's what the other day was about? The anniversary.'

Naomi nodded. 'His parents didn't know I was pregnant until the funeral. They knew we were friends, never approved of him being friends with an atheistic hippy. When they saw me they _knew_, somehow they knew it was his. They tried to tell me that they had a right to see the baby, being her grandparents. I didn't have enough space in my head to think about myself let alone anything or anyone else but Erin. I had her three weeks early, the day after the funeral. She had to stay in the hospital for a week, which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do; apart from say goodbye to my best friend. When she finally did come home I struggled. I watched people from college chatting on Facebook about how amazing their lives were at university. I wanted that, I'd dreamt of going to uni since I was a little girl. Then there was Erin. She was this strange little person that relied on me for everything; the stress that's in that. I couldn't handle it, any of it. So one day I just walked out, left her with mum and walked down the high street in the rain until I reached a bridge across the channel. I could have done it; I know if I'd been there long enough I'd have jumped. But all I could think about was my tiny little girl wrapped up at home wondering where I'd gone. So I came down, that's when I bumped into Cook and he took me home. Mum was worried so she'd called Mike's parents looking for me. They saw the mess I was in and threatened to fight for custody. They thought I wasn't a suitable person to bring up a child not to mention I couldn't give her a spiritual path to follow. Cook stood my ground where I couldn't. They tried to walk out with her and part of me was going to let it happen, until Cook stopped them. He told them that Erin was loved, that she had Gina and Naomi, _and him_. He had a stable job and he planned to move in to help. They got legal advice but the solicitor we spoke to said courts want the child to stay with the mother if that's possible. The support I had was more than enough to keep her with me.'

Words couldn't describe what Emily was thinking or feeling. Her heart thumped along inside her chest with every word that came out of Naomi's mouth. She was so young, still just twenty-three. Nobody should have to go through such pain, let alone someone with so much life to live. She wrapped Naomi up in her arms and held her tight, pressing kisses against her neck in the hope of comforting her.

'It's okay,' Emily whispered, stroking back Naomi's hair and tending to the patches of tears still covering the surface of her skin.

'It's not,' Naomi shook her head, sandwiching Emily's hand between her own and her cheek. Emily wanted to ask why, yet didn't want to push Naomi, not when she was already so fragile. 'It will be I think, eventually. I'm better now, than I was. Back then, I ended up going to the doctor, he diagnosed me with post natal depression and referred me to see a counsellor. I just pray that my little girl doesn't remember me leaving her, abandoning her when she needed me the most.'

'I don't think she does, she obviously adores you. Loves you.'

'I'm just scared Emily, every fucking day I'm scared that something else is going to happen. It's taken me four years to find my feet, to feel ready to trust someone again.'

Their fingers interlinked between them and Emily pushed a small smile onto her face. She wished to inform Naomi that she felt the same, that trust was something she struggled with. At the same time, she didn't want to subtract from what the issue was. Naomi was what mattered, Naomi was everything that mattered.

'I wish I could drive you home,' Emily mumbled.

'It's okay,' Naomi sighed. 'I'll call mum. But Emily?'

'Yes?'

'Come back with me.'

'Of course.'

**Author Note****: I'd love to know your thoughts and opinions...or if you have siblings and have stories to tell, please share! Anything worse than my sister would be much appreciated. Lol.**


	16. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: I have so many apologies. I'm sorry, I really am, so very sorry that it's been so long between chapters. It's taken me a couple of weeks to settle into my new routine so I hope you'll understand that.**

**Thank you heaps to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter, it's so lovely knowing people are still enjoying my work because really, sometimes (particularly with this chapter) it's a struggle to get a chapter from my head onto the page. So knowing then that it's worked out, it really makes it worthwhile.**

**I'd like to say a huge thanks to Lightbulb2k3 for always loving my writing - it's so great having you back - see you in a month when you've finished reading. ;-)**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Fifteen**

The clock ticked, each second marked with the turning of each plastic hand, the noise filling the room with the gentle lull of time. Time passed and normally people didn't notice, or care, they just carried on with their daily routines noticing only when it was time for Coronation Street or whatever programme they decided to watch that night. Time had become useless, a non-entity by which to judge going to work or leaving for home. Very few chances did anyone have to mark the passing of minutes, seconds. Emily sat across from Naomi's bed, watching the rise and fall of her every breath, noticing how quietly Naomi slept. They hadn't had sex, the time wasn't right. Life was too fragile to bring such vulnerability into it once more. Instead Emily cherished each second they spent, arm in arm, cuddling under the blankets until sleep took over Naomi's still tearful body. She slept so easily, so perfectly; her mouth slightly parted, her eyes twitching, her body curled up into the foetal position the moment Emily left her alone. She couldn't sleep. Concern etched on her brain pushing her thoughts around her head until her subconscious was full to the brim.

'One, two, three, four, five,' she'd muttered, whispering her thoughts in the hope the repetition would send her to sleep. Unsuccessfully. The clock's ticking only exasperated her further, with every second came another reason to be awake until she gave up somewhere around three. Outside the wind howled louder with each passing hour, trees creaked under the strain of being thrown around and somewhere a cat cried out. Emily jumped, watching her footsteps as a floorboard groaned beneath her feet, fearful that the noise would wake Naomi. The door squealed on its hinges, sounding louder under the silence of the night. Emily looked back one final time, praying that Naomi hadn't heard her departure.

'Oh, I didn't realise,' Emily muttered entering the kitchen to find Gina sat in the dark, her head resting in her hands.

'Emily, it's okay, come sit down.'

'I just wanted some water.'

The oldest Campbell woman stood up, emptied a mug into the sink and filled the kettle. Emily watched her, her eyes downturned, tiredness changing the landscape of her face; tiredness that wasn't from a couple of nights ill rest, but a lifetime of struggle.

'I'll make tea, it'll help you sleep.'

How many times had Gina done that? She wondered, sat there at that table with the weight of the world on her shoulders, unable to sleep. She suspected a lot.

'How are you?' Gina asked with a forced smile, placing fresh mugs of tea between them and emptying a packet of biscuits onto a plate.

'I'm, okay,' she hesitated; lying to Gina Campbell came a lot less easy.

'I'm okay too,' she whispered, her voice breaking, her eyes forcing Emily to pay attention to the pain within.

'She's okay as well,' Emily muttered.

Gina nodded with nothing but doubt in her eyes. 'I'm sure she is.'

All the times Emily watched her mother worry about Katie staying out all night or about the both of them when they moved out for the first time. She'd thought it silly, that they always came back eventually and Jenna had no need to feel concerned. But she'd never been suicidal, at least not openly. Katie had never been mugged and as far as she knew hadn't been sexually assaulted either. The woes of the world were not on their shoulders and perhaps, that made them lucky. Yet it wouldn't stop a mother worrying that perhaps next time Katie could be raped or murdered. After all, it took just one night out, one false move. Unfortunately for Gina, she'd already lived through her hell and now, now there was no surprise that she would be suffering still.

'She's got me,' Emily assured her; something that even Emily wasn't sure held much credit. Their relationship was barely even that, they'd shared a bed, they'd discussed Naomi's past; they'd even spent time with her daughter. None of that made them stable, or forever. It only made them for now, until something changed, until Naomi realised that Emily was a phoney who didn't deserve anyone.

'You know, she was a happy child. You wouldn't know it now, how Erin behaves is exactly like Naomi. She used to sing and dance about the house like nothing mattered. I don't know what changed but one day she stopped singing, spent more and more time in that bedroom.'

Hearing about Naomi's childhood brought a smile to Emily's face. She loved learning about Naomi, knowing things about the girl she already envisioned spending the rest of her life with. She closed her eyes for a moment, picturing a tiny girl similar to Erin, yet different, twirling around the house in a dress. There was a photograph on the mantelpiece of Naomi sat on the sink at about six, that was the girl of her thoughts, spinning until she felt sick or fell over and grazed her knee. The caring, wonderful Gina lifted her up from the floor to sit her there on the edge of the sink where she kissed her injuries.

'She stopped being a kid when she was thirteen. Sometimes I wish I could get my little, happy girl back.'

They sat in silence, sipping on their hot drinks. In the middle of the night time passed differently, Emily noticed; more people watched it go by. The number of times she'd lay in bed watching the digital clock change from minute to minute, something she rarely did in the middle of a Sunday afternoon.

'Gina?'

'Yes love?'

'Do you think all parents feel that way?'

'Probably. Even if they don't show it. I should have showed it more, Naomi should have known how much I,'

'I think she knows; what you and Cook did to help her, after what happened. I don't think it's easy to forget something like that.'

'No, I don't suppose it is.'

The tea's fruity flavours reminded Emily of Christmas pudding and mince pies, a taste she didn't really like to eat and found somewhat unpleasant to drink. Gina supped away quite happily at her tea. To avoid the embarrassment of not liking what she'd been given and so not to feel guilty for pouring a perfectly okay drink away, Emily drank too. Grinning and bearing every mouthful until the mug was reasonably empty. The conversation went nowhere and Emily quite liked the ease of the silence; being there, with Naomi's mother, without Naomi made her feel awkward enough. She wouldn't dare leave Naomi and Jenna in the same room together, so why would Naomi feel any different?

'Have you always known?' Gina questioned. 'That you're gay.'

'Only since I first kissed Naomi.'

'Not very long then.'

'No, since I was thirteen.'

'You and Naomi kissed when you were thirteen?'

'Erm,' Emily paused, her cheeks flushing with fear. What had she done? Naomi must not have told Gina for a reason, she was a very private person after all.

'I think there are still a few things about that daughter of mine that I'm yet to learn.'

'I didn't mean to, I, please don't tell her I told you.'

Gina's lips curled at the edges, a comfort to Emily's unsettled nerves. 'No, I won't.'

xXx

The bedcovers twisted their way around Emily's legs, tangled themselves up in her semi-naked body like snakes round the branches of trees. When she woke her lower legs ached with the lack of blood and oxygen from the tightly bound shackles. Sweat blanketed her skin ever so slightly and her head clouded up every thought. She couldn't place herself or time of day, could only recognise that she must have fallen asleep at some point in the early hours of the morning; her grogginess a reaction to little sleep. She didn't think it was as late as it was when she left Gina, yet looking back she spent a while sat at the end of the bed watching the moonlight shroud Naomi's face with a transcendent glow. She _loved_ Naomi. She knew that now, couldn't put aside her worries that how she felt didn't matter because Naomi would never love her back; where once she felt brave in her actions in allowing things to get that far, she found herself reconsidering her forged confidence was a lot easier in the daytime when everything felt so much simpler. At night she had little distraction, her mind free of the daily routine of family and work related thoughts giving her the freedom (or perhaps prison) of her feelings for Naomi. The longer she sat at the foot of the bed the harder it became to forget what she had already informed herself; that she was in love with the most beautiful girl in the world; a beautiful girl that she neither deserved nor could handle.

The sun now took the place of the moon, sending rays of light into the bedroom, bouncing off the pillow where Naomi's head no longer lay. She glanced at the clock and found no surprise in it being barely nine. She never could sleep late, even when she went to bed mere hours before.

'Morning,' Naomi greeted her with a kiss as she entered the kitchen. It took her by surprise when Naomi appeared from behind the door and pulled her into a passionate embrace. The public display of affection brought a ref flush to her cheeks and then, after a moment, the embarrassment eased and she allowed her hands to rest comfortably against Naomi's hips. Her body pressing into Naomi's with a natural bend, the desire she felt fuelled each movement of her lips until she was lost in the moment, only to be pulled out of it by a small, high-pitched groan.

'You won't be saying that when you're a teenager,' Naomi stated as their lips separated.

'I think you'll find she will,' Gina laughed. 'Remember when you found me in bed with your politics teacher?'

'That's different,' Naomi mumbled, shaking her head. 'He was my _teacher_ and you weren't just kissing. I wanted to talk to you and I found you doing _that_.'

Emily untangled herself from Naomi's side and took a seat at the table. She watched the banter continue. A strange familiarity about two people having a playful conversation reminded her of the family breakfasts she used to have as a teenager. For years Katie would argue with their parents over boys and clothes, they were often serious, though Katie always acted like it was a game. Reminiscing made Emily feel a sadness she wished she could eradicate permanently, it cropped up all too often and the more time she spent with Naomi's family, the more she regretted the way her family had ended up.

'Why were you in the same bed as her teacher?' she muttered in an attempt to forget what was going around in her head.

'Yeah, why?' Erin piped up with a toothy grin.

'Nana thought he was a really lovely man,' Gina answered. 'So I let him stay over.'

'Mum! Stop. Please don't corrupt my child.'

'I didn't say the s- word, what else could I say?'

'Nana was having a sleepover Erin.'

'Like with you and Emily?'

'Exactly.'

The informal 'sleepovers' made little difference to her life, instead of sleeping in a cheap bed in her crappy flat; she slept under Naomi's covers. Before she climbed out of bed that morning, she'd rolled over to Naomi's side and pushed her face into the pillow, just to lie there and breathe in Naomi's scent. But to a little girl living in a mostly heterosexual world, Emily wondered if their sleeping arrangements confused her at all. When Naomi had disappeared upstairs to help Erin dress, Gina turned to her with a knowing glance.

'Erin asked Naomi why you stayed over last time and she told her you were having a sleepover,' she informed her, her omniscience strangely comforting. 'You're the first person Naomi's brought home.'

'I am?'

There was nothing feigned about Emily's surprise at Gina's revelation. She knew Naomi had a difficult past, yet had assumed, by her confidence in the relationship, that she had plentiful relationships before Emily.

Gina nodded, 'She likes you, a lot.'

'I like her a lot too.'

'I know.'

'You know?' Emily frowned.

'It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how much you care about each other,' Emily must have looked worried because Gina reached a hand out and covered hers, a sympathetic smile forming. 'Not out there, people think you're friends. It's only because I know.'

'Oh,' Emily muttered. 'Good.'

xXx

Children played happily together, arms and legs flying about in the depths of the ball pool; heads of hair appearing then disappearing again in favour of multiple colours of socks. A little boy sat in the corner throwing balls into the pool, not caring that his actions caused several other children to cry out for parents and siblings. In between the various reds, yellows, greens and blues was a brightly coloured dress whose wearer stood with her hands on her hips screaming at the top of her lungs.

'Daddy!'

In the confusion Emily followed Naomi's gaze to the entrance of the pool where Cook, his shoes already dropping off his feet, clambered up the ramp until he fell carelessly into the sea of balls. He searched for Erin, who stared at the ball throwing boy with a very Naomi glare.

'She looks a lot like you.'

'People say that all the time,' Naomi mumbled. 'But all I see is the hair, her face; it's more like Mike's.'

'Maybe normally, but some expressions.'

After giving the young boy what for and arguing with his parents over his behaviour, Cook tossed Erin about the pool causing her to giggle uncontrollably; the sound like music to Emily's ears, laughter not too different than Naomi's. She analysed Naomi who grinned in the direction of her family, as dysfunctional as it was.

xXx

The flat looked rundown; no matter which way Emily glanced at it she couldn't avoid seeing it through fresh eyes. The brick building it was housed in appeared vaguely traditional, except for the moss growing across the stone window ledges and the rotting drain pipes. The windows themselves were wooden and in desperate need to be replaced. The last time Emily realised that was when Jenna came to visit the day she moved in; she spent half an hour surveying the flat with narrowed eyes and the same phrase on the tip of her tongue.

_'Oh dear, look at that.'_

As if her flat wasn't bad enough she had to have Jenna tell her so constantly in her muttered sentences and outright groans. It was safe to say that Emily didn't have her mother's approval.

'Are you sure it's okay for me to stay over?' Naomi asked, dropping her bag onto the floor by the sofa.

'Of course, I feel bad your mum having to cook me breakfast. Now I can cook you breakfast.'

'I'd like that,' Naomi smiled. 'Mum doesn't mind though, we used to have a houseful of strangers living with us; woke up to a Jesus lookalike in my bed once.'

'Really?'

'Do I look like I'm joking? Christ, she used to drive me crazy when we were in college.'

The carpet in the corner folded over where the landlord had come in to treat the wall for damp, the sink was full of plates and dishes and the sliding door to the balcony had grubby marks all over it. They were only a few of the issues that jumped out as Emily watched Naomi look around the living space. She poured them drinks and then looked carefully at Naomi's expression in hope of some honest feedback.

'It's...charming,' Naomi smiled when Emily handed her a mug and stood opposite her.

'I know it's a run-down piece of crap you don't need to be nice'

'It's yours though, right? Which makes it great; at least you don't live with your mother.'

'Yet...'

'You're moving in with your parents?'

'I'll have to if I don't find a job soon.'

They stood together; Emily followed Naomi in putting her mug down on the table just in time for Naomi's fingers to lace with her own. Nerves rattled her as though she'd reverted back to being in school. They'd already had sex, what was so scary about doing it again? They both knew they were there for that reason. Cook had taken Erin back after a phone call from Gina offering to look after her, the natural next step was for them to spend some alone time. Emily stared at the floor, her eyes jumping from the cheap roughage below their feet, nothing like the smooth wood in Naomi's house. She had to remind herself that Naomi didn't live alone, that her mother had perhaps been lucky with her fortunes and because of that Naomi had to suffer the downfalls of living at home. Emily braved a glance up from the safety of the floor and her attention was quickly stolen by Naomi's stare. Every time she tried to look away coyly, those blue oceans brought her back up to meet Naomi's pupils. Naomi was nervous too, she could feel it in their hands, pressed together so tightly yet damp from perspiration.

'Are you okay?'

'Mmm,' Naomi nodded, her lack of words speaking volumes.

'My heart is beating so fast I can hear it in my ears. Is yours?'

'Yeah.'

They stepped closer, their hands moving to their sides as the space between them disappeared. The sound of Naomi's breathe hitching with every moment played into Emily's ears like the most beautiful piano piece she'd ever heard. She always believed you needed music, ambience and a good few long, drawn out kisses to be ready. Instead Emily's body screamed at her to silence the lustful cries once and for all. Naomi's hands cupped her face, the physical skin to skin contact sending a shiver down her spine.

'I've never, never felt like this,' Emily sighed, her words slithering out across the gap where their heads couldn't quite be close enough. Naomi leant closer with a nod and Emily parted her lips in anticipation.

'Christ,' Naomi cursed, cutting herself short and resting her head against Emily's forehead, eyes closed. They didn't kiss, much to Emily's disappointment. She was ready; she needed to feel Naomi's arms travelling up and down her back as their lips danced circles across their bodies.

'Were you going to say something?'

Naomi opened her eyes and stared at the floor, 'No, nothing.'

A fire roared underneath them as Emily slid a hand caressingly down Naomi's back, pulling her closely into a passionate embrace. Their lips pressed together in perfect harmony and Emily's fingers travelled up across Naomi's bare skin. Long, drawn out kisses occupied them whilst they discarded clothing until all but their underwear remained. Naomi moved to the floor, her hands sliding down along Emily's body until her nail dug into the backs of her thighs. A line of kisses moved across her stomach, along her thighs until Emily's knees began to buckle and she had no choice but to join her lover on the floor. Passion and desire took over, pushing her into action. She pulled Naomi's mouth towards her and they kissed deeply, before Emily lay her down and straddled her. They kissed again before Emily moved her attention to Naomi's body pushing up against her. Each finger traced the lines of Naomi's skin down until she reached the spot, pushing against her. Naomi's nails pressed deeply against Emily's shoulder blades, her dominance taking control. She turned them over until Emily's back grated against the rough carpet. They moved together; hands, lips, tongues, legs, hips all taking part in the actions, their bodies becoming one until the empty flat allowed them the freedom to scream out in pleasure before collapsing in ecstasy against each other. Emily curled up in Naomi's arms, her face burrowed against her skin in an attempt to hide the tears of joy flowing down her cheeks.

**Author Note****: Thanks for reading - please review. It takes 1 minute to write a quick review - this chapter has taken me hours. :)**

**Also, I've started a blog where I've been posting recommendations for Skins fanfics to read and fanvideos to watch - if anyone wants to help out by writing reviews, then please message me! :) I can't post the proper link here, but take out the [ and ] http[:/][/]onemore[-]chapter[.]blogspot[.]com**


	17. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you for the reviews, I really do appreciate each and every one of them! The fact that people are still reading this despite my taking a while to update sometimes means a lot. I'm very happy to have another chapter for you so soon, it was a lot easier to write and I would like to thank HyperFitched because reading the later chapters of I Hold A Force (which I am still not finished reading) has really helped me to get this chapter out.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I wouldn't mind receiving some reviews if you have the time. :-)**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Sixteen**

One evening the heavens opened and after three days of perpetual rain Emily wondered if they would ever see the sun again. She hated travelling by public transport between the JobCentre, her parents, her own flat and Naomi's, hated it even more when it rained. A couple of times Naomi offered to pick her up but that was usually at awkward moments, like when Jonah was due to pick her up for a Fitch family dinner or Katie was coming over to brag about her latest boyfriend.

'I wish I could stay here forever,' Emily sighed, pushing her face into the crook of Naomi's neck in an attempt to hide from the weather. She couldn't even see the rain from where she lay curled up in Naomi's arms; but the sound of raindrops lashing against the window reverberated through the house. She doubted there would be anywhere she could go where the usual silence would not be disrupted by the unending downpour.

Naomi's arms pulled her tightly against her, 'Don't go.'

'But I have to.'

'Why do you have to? Christ, it's Sunday, where are you going on a Sunday that's more important than here?'

The line of questions made Emily uneasy when she thought about her destination; Jonah's. There had been no intentional secret keeping, merely an absence of sharing things that didn't really affect their day to day lives. Naomi hadn't needed to know in the beginning, so now it became normal to skirt around the subject.

'I told you, I have to go for a family dinner.'

'Don't suppose I could come then?' Naomi suggested. 'Though I'm not sure Katie would appreciate 'the big lezza' joining your dinner.'

'Katie would be the least of our worries, you haven't met my mum and hopefully you'll never have to.'

'Never?'

Never. She used words like that as frequently as most people used 'a' and 'the'. What did it matter if Naomi never met her family? Or if she never told them that she was actually gay? They didn't need to know, she didn't need to share everything about herself to live a happy life. She was happy now; lay there in bed with Naomi's fingers cupping her bare bottom.

'Does it really matter?'

Naomi shrugged, 'I suppose not.'

It _mattered_. Emily knew it mattered, not just to Naomi but to herself as well. Deep down she wished for the day when she could take her girlfriend home and parade her for every person in her life to see. She _loved_ her and wanted everyone else to love her too. Rob would greet her with open arms, hug her and welcome her to the family. Jenna would grill her with questions of her life, finding out what made her happy and of course what food she would like, so that the next family dinner would involve a meal Naomi loved more than anything. Or at least a meal Jenna assumed she'd love. Katie would put the past behind them and become Naomi's new best friend and James, in his perverted ways, would want to fuck Naomi as much as Emily herself. If only reality and her thought process matched up.

An hour later and Emily found herself struggling to tear herself away from her blonde beauty. With Gina and Erin out shopping they'd had the house to themselves all morning and she was more than tempted to stay. Eventually they separated long enough for Emily to escape down the road towards the bus stop, silently thankful to Gina for taking the car.

'Thanks for coming, it's lovely to meet you Emily,' Celia greeted her with a hug well beyond the call of duty. 'Jonah's told us so much about you.'

'It's nice to meet you too Mrs Jones,' Emily replied with a courteous smile. 'I've heard a lot about you too.'

'Now, I hope you've been being nice Jonah. Maybe you'd like to get your girlfriend a drink?'

'Of course mum, what would you like Emily? We have mango juice, orange juice, tea, coffee…'

'An orange juice is fine, thanks.'

xxx

'Happy birthday dear Jonah, happy birthday to you.'

The table erupted in a round of applause and 'for he's a jolly good fellow' until every candle on the cake had been blown out. Jonah looked around at them with a huge grin, showing off his gratitude. Emily watched the last candle breathe its final breath and turned to her 'boyfriend', he looked happy which in a strange sort of way made her happy too. They'd been to half a dozen dinners with her family and whilst it never got easier lying about his role in her life, their relationship was going well. Despite her original reluctance, joining Jonah for a family dinner at the Jones house ended up being more fun than she could have envisioned, his parents were lovely and aside from the guilt she ended up feeling, she could almost get used to spending time there.

Edward Jones cut up the cake whilst his wife brought out various sized packages, the smile on her face growing as she announced the next activity, 'Present time.'

The day before, Emily had gone shopping for a gift; a task she knew would be difficult considering how little she actually knew about her supposed boyfriend. Everything about the town centre on a Saturday made Emily want to pull her hair out. The traffic was particularly frustrating not to mention the pedestrians that appeared to enjoy walking at snail pace or stopping unexpectedly to chat with fellow shoppers. If Emily had a choice she wouldn't have gone anywhere near it. Unfortunately she'd found out a little late about Jonah's birthday. Keeping up the pretence of a relationship she _had_ to do the normal things, especially since Jonah struggled at the best of times to play the charade, he didn't need the added stress of faking presents either. She'd accepted the invite to attend the dinner as his girlfriend because she owed him; she couldn't say no.

So there she had ended up on a Saturday afternoon stuck behind a tiny old woman pushing a trolley bag along in front of her. As if the trip hadn't been frustratingly difficult enough. She'd considered the standard present options of chocolates, a gift card, even a pair of comedy socks. None of it had felt right, or fair. Despite having little in the bank, a girlfriend was supposed to spend quite a bit on celebrating the birth of her boyfriend. Even fake ones. She'd searched the racks of a couple of charity shops, finding an old blazer jacket that she thought would suit him and an old bag of magic tricks that looked ancient. She remembered Jonah telling her parents at dinner that he enjoyed to dabble in tricks, pointing out the downsides to a lot of the equipment available.

_'They don't make it how they used to,' he'd stated with a sorrowful expression._

Emily heard the front door on her way to the kitchen to wash her hands. She surveyed her rosy red cheeks in the stainless steel tap. Jonah's mum had been nothing but lovely to her, beyond lovely. She'd welcomed her into their home with love and admiration, appearing thrilled that _someone_ had taken her little boy into their life. The whole situation reminded her of Jenna and the handful of times she'd invited strangers to their family dinners, boys she wanted Emily to meet and so coercion had become the only viable option. She wondered if Jonah's parents acted in the same way or if they just sighed at the thought of their son dying alone. When she walked back towards the lounge a different voice filled the room and it wasn't until she opened the door that she realised she recognised said voice.

'Cook.'

The box in Cook's hands landed on the floor, the cardboard corners severely dinted on impact. Emily shouted out an apology and went to retrieve the gift, passing it back to Cook. Her heartbeat sped along faster than his eyes were following her movements with a harsh glare. If looks could kill she'd have keeled over and decomposed, instead she was forced to stand there and listen to Celia telling Cook about her existence.

'Here she is now, Jonah's lovely girlfriend, Emily.'

'Emily's your girlfriend?' Cook began, his brows furrowing tightly and his teeth gritted. 'Happy birthday mate, I've gotta go.'

The pink covering of Emily's face turned red with embarrassment, with shame. Her eyes stung, tears threatened to fall, several lumps continually fought to surface in her throat, despite swallowing each and every one.

'But you just got here,' Jonah called after him as Cook walked towards the door. Emily followed them, her feet carrying her before she could decide what to do next. She didn't stop until she was stood outside on the step beside Jonah, watching Cook back away down the garden path.

'Gotta pick my kid up haven't I, Naomi's supposed to be spending the night with _your_ girlfriend.'

'_My_, what?'

He had no intention of stopping until he'd said everything he wanted to, his face twisted up at Emily in disgust and he shook his head. She turned to Jonah, searching for an ounce of information about how he felt, how he reacted to Cook's revelation. She hadn't intended to keep the truth from him either; there was no reason to tell him who her girlfriend was because it hadn't mattered. Their relationship wasn't real. Why did he need to know?

'I think you're mistaken,' Jonah muttered. 'Tell him he's mistake Emily.'

'Cook, it's not what you think, let me explain,' Emily attempted to defend herself.

'You're seeing Naomi?'

A cackled laugh broke apart the eye contact she was sharing with Jonah. He looked physically hurt, which only fuelled her guilt. Why did it matter to him so much?

'Not what I think?' Cook snarled. 'How do you know what I think babe? You're fucking my best friend…both of my best friends. What more is there to say?'

'We're not,' she began until Jonah looked at her with contempt. 'It's not like that.'

'Don't you fucking tell me what it's like 'cause Naomi is fucking special,' he snapped. 'She doesn't deserve this.'

Only one person deserved what they were getting and that was Emily, she knew that much. No matter what way she tried to look at the situation, she was in the wrong. Naomi had trusted her to be honest with her, she'd let out her heart and soul, giving Emily permission to look after them and do everything she could to protect them. In the end she was the one causing the pain.

The lump in her throat grew until she could barely speak. 'You're, you're not going to tell her…are you?'

'I tried to be civil to you for Naomi, she asked me to and I did it because I love that girl. Do you hear me? I fucking love her. If we didn't both love pussy so much I'd fucking marry her. So no Emily, I won't keep this a secret because Naomi's my fucking friend and this doesn't just affect her, it affects Erin too."

Emily hadn't been in a relationship before because she was scared; scared of everyone knowing the truth about her sexuality, scared of getting hurt and scared of hurting someone she loved. She watched romantic comedies with sceptical eyes because really, in reality, nobody got the fairytale ending. Even her parents were living a broken relationship at times, they weren't together forever in undying love, they were together forever because they didn't believe in divorce and they didn't mind being together. In her adult life she hadn't once seen her parents kiss, or hold hands, or do anything that suggested they were anything but friends who argue. Now everything she didn't want to happen was happening and she couldn't handle the pain festering inside, her heart ached, her throat closed up and tears began to fall.

'Fucking pussy, tears don't work on me,' Cook grunted, a final glare in her direction before winking at Jonah. 'I've gotta go, enjoy the present, open it on your own. Sorry to ruin your birthday man.'

'Yeah,' Jonah nodded.

When Cook disappeared up the street Emily continued to shake, her body reacting to the cold, wet weather. It wasn't even very cold, but she shook uncontrollably. That was the first time she remembered that it was still raining.

'Come back inside, it's very wet out here, you won't catch a cold from the rain because it's a virus and can only spread through contact, lots of people don't realise that, but you might catch something else,' Jonah reminded her.

'N, no,' Emily whispered through tears.

'But it's my birthday.'

She nodded at him and left the garden, wandering the opposite way down the street to Cook. 'I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.'

xxx

The ripples spread out far across the surface of the lake, each additional ring carrying the impact of the stone right across the expanse of water. Falling rain drops created mini-ripples of their own, reflective of the tears fighting their way out of Emily's eyes despite the great protest. She attempted to count the number of times she'd cried whilst sat on that very same rock, by that lake. She lost track somewhere around number forty-seven. A bird flapped its wings rapidly above her then nosedived at the water, returning to the air with nothing but liquid in its mouth; a failed catch. She contemplated what was happening at Naomi's, what Cook told Naomi about Jonah. There wasn't much to tell, but Cook's anger made her doubt how realistic his portrayal of the 'affair' would be. Sometimes Emily wished she could become a tiny little fairy who danced amongst the trees and bushes and flowers without a care in the world. When she was there, in her special place, it was almost like she got her wish. Naomi would know by now. Her thoughts were the only flaw in the plan. No matter how small and fairylike she pretended to be, nothing would change the reality.

The water hit her body like an icy brick as she jumped and crashed into the cold lake. Green leaves and algae reached up past her ears until she sat on the bottom with her legs crossed. So she might catch hypothermia, what did it matter? She'd timed her breath before, could hold it for at least forty-five seconds before needing to surface. The first time she pushed herself to the limit and beyond was the night she kissed Naomi in middle school.

'_What the actual fuck Emily?' Katie cried out, tugging her away from the blonde's lips by the arm._

'_Leave me alone.'_

'_No, I won't fucking leave you alone, you well embarrassed me. Now everyone's going to say we're fucking dykes because you let that big lezza kiss you.'_

'_I didn't.'_

'_She fucking came onto you,' Katie snarled, her head twisting back towards the bottom of the garden. 'I'm going to smack her face into next week.'_

'_No. Katie, don't.'_

_Somehow Katie listened, probably the first and only time she ever had. They went back into the party but everyone was staring, Katie returned to sucking the face off their friend's fifteen year old brother leaving Emily alone. The spotlight shining over her made her feel uncomfortable and after a couple of the boys asked her to kiss her sister, to put on a show, she realised she couldn't handle the attention._

_The road outside shone from the streetlights. Emily stood by the front door wondering what she could do next. She spotted that blonde hair her fingers had touched briefly poking out from the side of the wall; a thin line of smoke emphasised by the glow._

'_Naomi?'_

'_Christ.'_

'_Naomi, it's Emily.'_

'_Fuck off before your sister whacks me. I'm not fucking gay.'_

'_Neither am I.'_

_The rejection stung like sunburn accentuated by clothing rubbing harshly against sore skin. As she ran down the street away from the party flashes of Naomi's face filled her mind, the nonchalance there in her eyes as she told Emily to fuck off. She didn't stop until the streets became darker, trees surrounded her and with every gasping breath she choked on more and more tears. There was a wonder she didn't fall in that lake when she came across it, instead she sat on the rock and stared out across the pitch black abyss. The water appeared like tar. She didn't move again until the sun came up, her thoughts mulling over in her mind. She'd kissed a girl and _liked_ it, more than liked it. Katie told her stories of some of the girls in their class who had sex; her sister grew excitable at the details. All Emily could think about then was sex with Naomi, something similar to how they had sex in soaps, where two people would kiss and then lie on a bed. Her inexperience left her stumped after that. When the sun had raised enough to light up the lake she stared out across the beauty before jumping in fully clothed and sinking to the bottom._

She pushed past the limit now, until she struggled under the water to survive. She considered the point, as she had done before. What was the purpose of life when all she did was hurt? Naomi would know by now. Her one successful relationship would surely be over and whatever happened, her family would still think things were going well. How could she act heartbroken _and_ keep up the pretence of Jonah being her boyfriend? If he wanted to continue being her fake boyfriend after everything that had happened.

Following every time before, she surfaced just in time to take in large gulps of air which gave her hiccups. She couldn't kill herself, wasn't brave enough. She worried about her parents' reaction too much, how would they cope? Jenna had once screamed the house down when James broke his arm at age three, stories of the hospital trip told the family that the screaming didn't end until a cast was on his arm. How would she handle the death of a child? No, Emily was too much of a chicken to seriously consider suicide.

The rain continued its pursuit from the clouds down to the already damp earth. Her clothes soaked to the skin created a gentle shivering that Emily couldn't control. She squelched her way along the road that led from the lake towards the nearest housing estate, considered catching a bus from there onwards until she realised her bag, with her phone, money _and keys_ in it, was still at Jonah's. So she walked the rest of the way to the city centre and beyond. She reached a door that she knew should have been more familiar to her, yet somehow it felt like knocking on the house of a stranger. Eventually the door opened and Emily stared into her mirror image.

'Emily, what the fuck have you been doing? Swimming?'

Fresh tears stung her still damp cheeks, her body shaking with more than just the cold. She could barely speak as Katie ushered her into the house. 'Not swimming, drowning.'

**Author Note****: Thanks for reading, I am interested to know your thoughts and feelings on the story as a whole, so let me know.**

**Thought I'd leave this here in case anyone hasn't seen it yet, I've started a blog where I've been posting recommendations for Skins fanfics to read and fanvideos to watch - if anyone wants to help out by writing reviews, then please message me! :) I can't post the proper link here, but take out the [ and ] http[:/]onemore[-]chapter[.]blogspot[.]com**


	18. Author Note: Haitus

**Author Note: Haitus**

I'm sorry if you thought this was going to be a chapter, I hate doing using middle of story chapters for author notes but I didn't want you to think I'd just abandoned my writing. I hate the thought of letting you all down because you, everyone who has ever read any of my stories, have been the most amazing people. You help keep me motivated and inspired and I love that about writing for you all.

But a few things have been changing lately in my life, I have a job and whilst that's only part time I also have a counselling course to fit in and I can get exceptionally lazy from time to time. I don't like to end up in a position where I have stories unfinished and right now that's where I'm at.

I don't want to just stop any of these stories, but I wonder if a break might help me.

I have a 10000 word fic to finish for the Skins Big Bang on Livejournal, which I will be able to post up here by the end of November. For now I think I need to focus my time and attention on finishing that, on my college work and my job.

I'm sorry, I really am so very sorry because the funny thing is I WANT to write, I just can't. I've put together a chapter that in theory should be ready to post, but it's not of very good quality. Some of it is okay, some of it makes sense but other bits feel false and forced. Part of that is that I'm not sure what I want/need to happen in the next chapter for the story to progress - so if anyone has any thoughts/ideas that they'd be willing to share, then I'm more than happy to hear them.

I really hope that a bit of a break will help get the plot bunnies kicking and screaming for me to write something.

Thanks for being so patient with me and I hope I'll be back soon with plenty of motivation to continue this story because really, I love this story, I love writing it anyway, I love getting so far inside Emily's head!


	19. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you all for your patience, I hit a block and I couldn't find a way past it so I tried a few things and after writing my first ever ficlets for The Mentalist I found my muse. I can't guarentee that the next chapter will be in the next few days, but I will certainly try my best to get it up as soon as I can.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, your comments mean a lot to me. There's nothing better than waking up to a pile of reviews showing you appreciation for the time I take to create my stories. Afterall, it's just thoughts in my head that I like to put down and share with the world.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Emily sat with her freezing cold hands tucked neatly below her thighs, they warmed quicker that way. They should have done anyway, but her clothes still stuck to her skin, soaked against every bend in her body forcing her to stay in a perpetual state of frostiness. She should have asked for a change of clothes, then again, Katie should have offered. They were twins and yet certain details about them made it seem not only unlikely but impossible. Katie's eyes, though dark brown like her own, were surrounded by a line of black makeup, her eyelashes caked in mascara and her lips and cheeks emphasised in red. She had boyfriend after boyfriend and though some saw her as something of a slut, Emily knew that she loved or at least cared for each and every person she slept with. She openly cared little about what other people thought, though deep down it bothered her more than she cared to let anyone know. Emily was quieter, more internal, always had been. They say there's often a louder twin and one coyer one, they were no different to any other half of a whole. Emily didn't care what other people thought deep down yet on the surface couldn't bear the fall out. She loved intensely and it broke her more often than she wished. Like then.

'What the fuck happened Emily?'

The question had been asked six times and not once had Emily given a firm answer. To give a proper answer would be to open herself up in ways she couldn't imagine. Ways she hadn't imagined before Naomi. Her heart raced inside her chest, beating so loud she suspected Katie would be able to hear it too. She didn't know what prompted her to ask the question, it just fell out of her mouth. Carelessly.

'You love me, don't you?'

'Of course I love, you're my fucking twin, what sort of question is that?'

What sort of question was it? Emily wanted to laugh, a full body chuckle that reverberated through her veins. They never said it. Emily was guilty of it too, but Katie had not once told her that she loved her.

'Please, Katie,' she begged, her body shaking from a mix of the cold and nerves. 'No matter what, you'll always love me, right?'

'Why are you asking this?' Katie muttered, frowning.

Desperation pushed her forwards, a deep routed desire to know that no matter what she told Katie they would be okay. She didn't know if she'd go as far as to tell her everything, wasn't sure she was even brave enough.

'Please, just answer me.'

'You're my sister, of course I always will.'

That should have been enough, an answer. But it wasn't enough. She wanted to hear the words, to have her say the words she struggled with herself. They _never_ said them. Not when it really mattered, even when the opportunity appeared.

_Waves broke, crashing their way along the beach until they calmed, replaced moments later by further twists of water. Each wave a continual crash and calm. As a child Emily had always stood by the water's edge allowing every wave to break close to her toes, stepping that little bit closer with the risk of it breaking over her long-shorts. On very few occasions did she feel anything like the rise and fall of the tide, pulling and pushing her away from the beach walls. They often stayed in a guest house overlooking the beach and even at eight years old she was left alone for hours because her parents had no luck pulling her away. Even Katie failed in her attempts to play dolls or families. When the water captured her attention, it stole it entirely. Back then Emily's idea of a relationship fell in about the same lines; hearts and minds captured beyond the people and things going on around you until all you could see was that person and everyone else was insignificant in comparison._

'You didn't say it.'

'You and fucking water. Fuck's sake Ems, what happened?'

_They'd never talked about Emily's love for the underwater, not in so many words. Her thoughts drifted back to their first holiday after the kiss with Naomi, where Emily stood on the edge of the beach with her toes dipped into the small waves. That day she didn't stop at the water's edge but kept on going until the water seized her right up to the top of her head. She'd enjoyed sitting beneath with the waves crashing overhead, the rough sea strangely calm beneath the surface. When she came back up Katie stood on the beach with their dad, concern etched on their faces as a lifeguard waded out towards her. She returned to them with a huge smile on her face, her worries lived under the waves, under the ripples, they always had. Katie had pulled her into her arms, rested her chin on her shoulder and clung to her for a good ten minutes before Rob dragged them back into the house._

'I went for a swim.'

'You did that drowning thing more like. What's wrong with you?'

'Everything, I mean, nothing.'

'Everything?'

The hope of escaping her self-created situation came unstuck. Emily always imagined Katie never really listened to her. A couple of days after '_the_' party, Emily had attempted to explain. The first day back and school and Katie had spent an unfair amount of time spreading rumours about Naomi's sexuality. By the time they got home Emily tried her best to get her to take it all back, not for Naomi, but for Emily. She'd dropped hints, tried to get Katie to understand that what she said about Naomi affected her too. Katie Fitch never understood. All Emily ever wanted then was for her to pick up not only on what she'd said but the way she said. Now she wished Katie hadn't read between the lines. She probably couldn't take it back yet the thought of going forwards scared the shit out of her.

'Everything is wrong?' Katie asked again, leaning forwards and taking her shaking hand. 'Fuck Emily, you're freezing.'

'I jumped in a fucking lake fully clothed, did you think I was feeling hot?' she snapped, not really sure where the hostility came from.

'Don't go anywhere,' Katie mumbled, walking out of the room and returning with a pair of pyjamas and a hot water bottle. 'Get changed, then I want to know what the hell is going on with you.'

X

Removing wet clothes with frozen fingers became quite a task. Emily had warmed up slightly being in a heated building but as her fingers touched the damp material the cold of her fingers reacted with the cold liquid until she could barely drag the soaked clothing from her chilly red body.

'Come here,' Katie demanded, pulling her towards her and quickly stripping her of her clothes until she stood there in her underwear.

Modesty went out the window a long time ago with Katie, they'd grown up sleeping in the same bed for half their childhood and the day Katie began growing breasts she whipped them out at every opportunity to observe and compare with Emily's. She couldn't not comply with her domineering sister.

'Want help with your knickers too or think you can manage babe?'

'I'll be okay,' Emily stuttered, her teeth chattering. She hooked a thumb into the waist band of her underwear and attempted to slide them down. She stopped part way, her fingers cramping.

'Fuck's sake,' Katie snapped, dragging Emily's hands away before shedding her of the final items of clothing.

Despite her lack of modesty in front of Katie she still felt exposed; her body shook more so she wrapped her arms tightly around her front.

'Aren't you getting dressed again?' Katie rolled her eyes. 'Or do I have to do everything for you?'

'I can barely feel my fingers,' she admitted, staring at her with a hopeful gaze.

'Fine, but when I'm old and pissing my pants I want you to change me. Any bed baths, you've got to do them.'

'Sure,' Emily replied, her own eyes rolling upwards in frustration. She was fucking freezing and all Katie could think about was her own selfish needs. Summed her up perfectly.

As she pulled the pyjama bottoms up around Emily's thighs it suddenly occurred to her how strange the situation was. She'd never let Katie that close to her naked torso. Never let anyone other than Naomi. Thinking of Naomi made her heart ache and then a moment of panic hit when she realised how close Katie was to the marks resting on her thighs.

Katie laughed, looked up at her with a cheeky grin. 'I see our JJ likes to munch muff.'

Her cheeks reddened, her hands shook harder and she found a burst of something that pushed her fingers into action as she dragged the clothes over her body. Katie's smirk never disappearing from her face.

'About fucking time we had some proof that you weren't living like an old spinster, welcome to the sex club babe. I've got some fancy condoms in the wardrobe if you ever fancy giving him a tasty blowjob or as Chandler and Joey said in Friends 'they're ribbed for your pleasure' so make use of them yeah? I have hundreds from that time I worked at Superdrug.'

The crimson sheet that covered Emily's face barely shifted even long after Katie shut her mouth. They sat opposite each other in near silence until Katie's inability to not talk got the better of her.

'So what's going on yeah? You can tell me anything, you know that.'

'Depends what everything is,' Emily muttered, recognising the confusion on her sister's face. She wondered why she'd chosen those words, if perhaps she didn't want Katie to understand. 'It's not like you'll ever really know what's wrong anyway. Even if I did tell you.'

'Fuck off with the cryptic yeah? Talk properly.'

'I've been fucking someone else.'

Sometimes she spoke and it was like someone had flicked a switch, forced her to speak beyond her control. She took a deep breath, hoped that she could keep her mouth closed long enough that she'd avoid accidentally saying the things that scared her the most.

'You did what?' Katie screeched, sitting up on her knees and staring at her with admiration. A look that Emily had never received off anyone not least her high standards holding sister. They'd always had very different perceptions of the world and she'd never made sense of why.

Even though the world saw Katie as the school and college bike, she wasn't. She got through a lot of boyfriends but they were always that, never one-night stands, never drunken fumbles at parties. Emily hadn't had sex before Naomi but she saw it differently, she saw the complexities in relationships falling apart and the desire for someone to see if a relationship (sex and all) was worth it before breaking up a family. By way of standards, Emily's were very different to what anyone would have expected compared to her oh so frivolous sister.

'I had sex with someone who wasn't Jonah,' she repeated, wearing her actions on a badge, pride of place in the middle of her chest. Gaining approval off Katie had been a battle since the day she was born. She'd not approved of the hairband she wanted to wear the first day of primary school, she absolutely refused to be seen dead near her on holiday when Emily bought a bright green hat and when Emily 'allowed' Naomi to kiss her, Katie had been anything but approving. The last thing she expected was approval for _that_. Katie didn't even believe in cheating on a partner, not really. If one partner overlapped a couple of days or a night of passion led to a relationship she classed it as a transition period between relationships.

'Are you with him? Did you end things with Jonah? What made you do it?' Katie questioned, standing up and kissing her on the head. 'Finally I fucking rubbed off on you.'

'We didn't break up,' Emily mumbled, the details of her revelation a little more complicated to relay. 'At least I don't think so.'

'You didn't tell him? Fuck's sake Emily, if you transition between two guys you don't fucking tell them that.'

'I didn't tell him. He's always known.'

'Why?' Katie frowned.

'Mum and dad wouldn't approve. I've never really been with Jonah.'

The cogs appeared to turn in Katie's head, her brow furrowed and her eyes moved back and forth across her peripheral vision. A slight smile reached Emily's face. She didn't have to tell her everything, like the fact that Naomi was a woman. All Katie really needed to know about was Naomi's existence in her life. She took a deep breath and waited for Katie to connect the dots.

'You and Jonah have been faking it?' she confirmed. 'Fucking hell Ems, I always thought you were a fucking dyke or something, now you're faking boyfriends to cover up ones mum and dad wouldn't approve of. I feel like fucking applauding.'

'Don't Katie.'

'Don't what? You went up in my estimations. Next you'll be telling me you quit your job so you can go travelling round the world with this mystery man, fuck on every beach in China and live happily ever after in one of those poncy coloured houses on Hill View.'

Emily blew a raspberry quite accidentally when she struggled to keep her laughter condensed. Katie took that as mocking of the fictional life she'd dreamt up for her. In reality Emily had never really talked about all the places she wished she could travel to, to explore. In the real world she didn't know if Naomi would even speak to her again let alone go on holiday to South America, Mexico or India. All the places of Emily's dreams. The last time she thought of travelling she'd barely finished university and she'd been torn between living at home in order to save for travelling, or get her own flat and live independently. As it turned out she'd taken the easy option and stayed in Bristol, living in a run down, two roomed flat that smelled of urine after a very cold winter.

'Don't act like this is good, I hurt…I really love,' she stuttered, unable to find words to fill the blanks without overtly lying. For once, Katie deserved better than that.

'Forget I said anything babe, you wanna go out tonight? I said I'd meet Billy for some drinks.'

'Billy?'

'My boyfriend, been going out for a month Emsy, you getting forgetful or something? Maybe that water's gone to your head.'

'Maybe,' Emily laughed, to disguise her returning nerves. 'A night out sounds good.'

**Author Note****: Thank you for reading, if anyone has any thoughts on where they're hoping this story will go please share - whilst I have my ideas I'm always open to more. Please review if you have a spare moment, anonymous reviews accepted as always! :)**


	20. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: This took a few days longer than I was hoping but I was happy to be able to actually write some of it without too much hassle. I would have done my best to get this up yesterday but I went to London to see Legally Blonde the Musical (soooo good!).**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and any chapter and anyone who reads it because you all rock for just being there allowing me to entertain your pretty faces!**

**Special thanks to Lisa, who writes the fic A Song To The Night, thanks for writing your wonderful story (as if I haven't said that enough!), I really do think you're helping keeping me sane right now. A little bit of happiness in a currently dull world.**

**So what are you waiting for? Read away...**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Eighteen**

Every single person glistened under the harsh lights, sweat pouring across their faces leaving them looking more half-baked than they already appeared. The floor reverberated with the constant beat of the bass, music pumping through the bodies that moved to the sounds. Emily stared around her with dread and a strange anticipation. She hadn't been to a club since the night she turned eighteen. Katie had insisted upon it, literally dragged her there kicking and screaming to celebrate their coming of age. They drank too much, slipped a few pills and the next thing Emily remembered was waking up in her bed with a bucket beside her. Katie never forgave her for ruining the night.

"What are we doing here Katie? I'm not in the mood for this."

Katie put her hands on her hips with attitude, "You don't want to talk, so we're going to doing everything but talk."

"But," Emily tried to defend herself, unsuccessfully.

"Don't complain Emsy, you want to drown, I've got the three Ds; drink, dance and drugs. Here," a small, white pill was pushed into her hand before she could argue.

They hadn't taken anything for years, at least Emily hadn't. That birthday was the last time she'd touched any drugs. She turned the ecstasy over in her hand until her fingers became sticky from residue. She couldn't put off her decision any longer; take the drugs and forget about the last twenty-four hours or wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night.

'Fuck it,' she sighed, swallowing the MDMA before she could argue with herself. Katie smiled at her in that condescending way she used to when they were younger.

'Good girl.'

As the minutes passed the drugs worked their way through her system until she found the music less annoying and more something to flow to. She moved to the music, dancing with any misfits that came near her and allowed the beat to forge its way through her bones until she could barely feel herself. She swayed across the room towards the bar where her eyes landed on hair as pale as a Caribbean beach and eyes as blue as the ocean.

'Naomi!' she shouted across the bar, a grin so large there was little need for natural light. Emily pushed past party-goers, not caring enough to apologise as she moved along the edge of the bar.

'Emily,' Naomi muttered, barely loud enough for the noisy club. 'What are you doing here?'

'I live here,' she slurred, staring at Naomi in confusion. 'I mean, I love it here.'

Time stood still and everything around her seemed to slow right down until she could make little sense of anything or anyone but Naomi. Her head pounded, already suffering from allowing Katie the freedom to control her. Emily's eyes narrowed towards Naomi's lips, her tongue slipping out far enough to lick her own. Desire manipulated her, pushed her forwards in an attempt to get exactly what she wanted. Fuck the rest of world, fuck Katie, fuck…Naomi, literally. The alcohol gave her a buzz but the mix of alcohol and drugs lowered her inhibitions, took away her ability to control herself. Except deep down she knew it didn't. None of it made her that way. They helped her, pushed her out of herself long enough to allow her to feel confident, but all in all she was the master of her fate. She knew it was only a matter of time before the effect wore off and she'd be left with nothing but the morning after.

'Emily don't,' Naomi tried, keeping her at arm's length.

'But I wanna kiss you,' Emily begged, leaning in again.

'Christ Emily, I said no.'

_No_. She said no. She tried again, more forcefully, her hands wrapped tightly around Naomi's wrists, her body pressed firmly against Naomi's until she was sandwiched between the bar and Emily's burning lust. Except she wasn't, they stood with inches between them, everything in Emily's head feeling more real than she cared to imagine. The kiss replayed, her lips pushed against Naomi's, hands wrapped tightly around strands of Naomi's hair, her leg pushed between her thighs. The mere thought sent her on a downward spiral and then the tears followed.

'I'm sorry,' she cried, resting against the bar. 'I'm a fucking screw up, always will be. Forgive me?'

'You're drunk Emily and I'm still pissed at you.'

Everything she'd pushed from her mind, covered over by the vodka and MDMA came flooding back. Naomi's words were sobering. She didn't want to give in, couldn't bear the thought of giving up on Naomi.

'Emsy, there you are, fucking twat tried to feel me up but I slapped him across the face,' Katie greeted her, talking quickly before her eyes landed on Naomi. 'Who's th...oh.'

'Katie,' Naomi greeted her, standing up as tall as she could be.

Wiping tears from her face, Emily pushed the smile back onto her lips. Her confidence resumed.

'Katie, I think you know Naomi, so I'm nailing he...'

'Last I heard you were fucking guys in Ireland heard you got them all,' Naomi shouted loudly, blocking out the end of Emily's statement. 'Guess you had to come back, try your luck on anyone who's just turned eighteen.'

Katie hesitated, her eyes wide, her mouth slightly ajar. Emily tilted her head on its side. She knew what she'd done but somehow none of it felt as bad as it should have done. She closed her eyes, allowed the image of Katie's shock to imprint onto her inner eyelids and when she opened them again her sister was gone.

'Fuck off yeah,' she shouted behind her.

'Where are you going?' Naomi shouted. 'Don't fucking leave me with your drunk sister.'

'Too late Naomikins,' Emily giggled, wrapping an arm around her as she stumbled over her own feet. 'I fucking love you.'

xxx

The stairs moved beneath her feet, slid out from under her whenever she tried to put a foot down on solid ground. The banister was useless, her hands slipped from the greasy wooden bar.

'Fucking floor keeps moving. Make it stop.'

'It's not the floor,' Naomi informed her.

It wasn't? Emily turned to look her in the eye, all four of them. _Four_ eyes, then _six_, she'd never seen anything quite like it. Her throat ached even when she stopped talking. What was wrong with her voice? She sounded strange, almost alien. Fuck, she couldn't even see straight. Hardly a surprise with Naomi stood there, her beautiful face staring down at her with a mix of concern and frustration. Those crystal blue orbs, even if they increased in number every time she looked at them. Then her breasts; Naomi's amazing body which she couldn't stop imagining…naked. _Fucking_ Naomi, right there on the stairs. They didn't need to go anywhere, not when the floor had become so unstable.

'Fuck me,' she gasped, falling over again, dragging Naomi down on top of her until their mouths were millimetres apart.

'No,' Naomi snapped, pushing her away roughly and scooping her up into her arms.

Emily hummed the wedding march, wrapped her arms around Naomi's neck and tried to kiss her again. 'Me and you, it's forever, I love you so fucking much.'

'Stop Emily, just fucking stop,' Naomi called, letting out a long, deep sigh and carrying her through the threshold of her bedroom.

'Welcome to Chez Campbell, the home of Mrs and Mrs Campbell, who the fuck would want to be a Fitch anyways?'

The bed collided with Emily's back, her body sunk into the soft material as she grimaced at it. Naomi stood over her, a cheeky smile forming in between eye rolls.

'You have four tits,' Emily grinned. 'Can I kiss them? All of them.'

'Two Emily, there's only two.'

She took that as invitation to act, Naomi hadn't said no. She sat up, despite the bed getting wobblier when she moved, her hands outstretched until she'd pulled Naomi close, the blonde toppling over the top of her.

'Jesus Christ Emily, I've told you to fucking stop.'

'I don't wanna stop, I love you too much.'

'You're wasted, completely fucked. I'm taking everything you're saying with a pinch of salt.'

'But I do, I love you more than cheese.'

'Why cheese?'

'Because cheese is good,' she sighed, emphasising the word good until it sounded more like goo.

Naomi's lips moulded back into their usual shape, just one set of lips. They curled upwards, which made her look amazing. Emily's smirk increased, the pounding in her head began to overtake her ability to see straight once more.

'I can't see anymore,' she mumbled, rolling over and pushing her face against the duvet.

'No,' Naomi sighed, sitting down beside her and stroking back the strands of her hair. 'You should probably go to sleep.'

'Sleep with you,' she groaned, her hand moving to Naomi's face.

'No,' Naomi whispered. 'Sleep on your own.'

'Don't wanna be on my own,' Emily cried out, tears filling her eyes. 'Don't wanna be alone anymore. Can't.'

'You're not alone,' Naomi sighed, stroking her hair until the haze in Emily's head lifted and sleep took her away from everything she felt.

xxx

By morning Emily's tongue tasted like sawdust and her head thumped faster than a drum beating along to the national anthem. She could barely remember the last time she'd drunk so much alcohol, not that alcohol was all she'd had.

'Fuck,' she groaned, moving her free hand to her head. Then her body sprang to life as she lifted her other hand from the inside of her underwear. 'What the fuck?'

'Morning sleepyhead,' Naomi greeted her, what would have been a normal voice sounding louder somehow.

Emily's hands moved to her ear. 'Shh.'

Naomi ignored her and placed a tray down on the bedside table. 'Got you some eggs, veggie sausages, tomatoes, the lot. Eat it all up, or I'll make you feel guilty about the starving babies in Africa.'

'Urgh,' Emily groaned, staring at the plateful of food in disgust. Her stomach turned and her hand moved swiftly to her mouth. 'I feel sick.'

'So you should,' Naomi replied, pushing a mug of coffee into her hands. 'Food's for me, though I might spare a slice of toast. Drink up.'

The hot liquid burned her throat but she kept drinking in the hope the caffeine would perk her up a bit. She accepted the painkillers that Naomi shoved into her hand, despite the flashbacks to the night before. Then she sat back against Naomi's pillows watching her eat as though nothing had even happened. What had happened? She could barely remember the night before, every thought too hazy to form fully in her conscious.

'Aren't we going to talk about this?' Emily frowned, after nearly half an hour of small talk.

'About what?'

'_Everything._ I might not remember a lot of what happened last night but I know you know about Jonah.'

The mess Emily's life had turned into astounded her. Once upon a time she wouldn't have managed to have any partner, let alone a real girlfriend and a fake boyfriend. She spent too long hiding under her shell, living a boring life where her job failed to challenge her and her personal relationships were in tatters. Not much had changed really. She was worse off financially and she'd had sex with a woman, other than that she still couldn't manage to keep a handle on her relationships.

'I didn't sleep with him Naomi,' she pleaded, begged, her voice breaking under the strain of her honesty. 'I wouldn't. I promise.'

Naomi nodded her head, her eyebrows furrowing, 'But you've been seeing him.'

'Yes, no, fuck Naomi it's not like that. We're seeing each other as far as my family knows.'

'You really are scared of being out aren't you?'

'You don't understand what it's like,' she cried, her emotions so close to the edge that she wondered if she'd ever be far away from tears ever again. 'Mum and Katie spend half their lives trying to set me up with guys they know. When Katie ran into Jonah we went out and it didn't work. Not that it ever would. Then I met you and I slipped up and told them I was seeing someone. Katie assumed it was Jonah, so when my mum invited you, _him_, to dinner, I had to do it. What other option did I have?'

'Telling the truth, telling them it didn't work out. You had plenty of alternatives where it didn't involve you and JJ being in some fake relationship.'

It was obvious to Emily that Naomi was still hurt, pissed off and fucking devastated. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, kiss her, fuck her brains out and most importantly, tell her that she loved her more than she had ever loved before. Not that she'd loved much in her life. There was the rabbit her mother let her get for her fourth birthday, Flopsy, she loved that fluffy bunny to pieces. Then there was James, for about a week, until she realised that he wasn't going to be old enough to play with her properly for years. She wracked her brains for another time in her life when love stood out. Her emotions heightened when she realised that she couldn't think of any more.

'You don't know what they're like,' she repeated. 'You saw Katie last night looking at me like I'd shot someone when I said, _fuck_, _fuck_ did I really say that to her?'

Naomi looked cautious, 'Well.'

'She fucking knows?' Emily gasped, covering her whole face in her hands. Her heart rate increased, her already dry mouth grew drier and the tears increased.

'We can't be sure she does,' Naomi whispered, resting a hand over Emily's. 'She didn't say anything.'

'Fucking hell Naomi, this can't be happening.'

'Even if she does know, she might be okay with it now.'

Emily shook her head, nervous laughter escaping in short, sharp gasps. 'My family aren't like yours Naomi, they don't accept gay. They only accept normal.'

'You _are_ normal,' Naomi defended her, sitting up straighter.

'_Am I_? I don't feel normal.'

'What about this?' Naomi asked, cupping her face in her hands, allowing their lips to meet ever so slightly at first before turning it into a full, passionate kiss. Then Naomi pulled away and Emily moved forwards in the hope of reciprocating. She wanted her and whenever they kissed she wanted her even more. 'Does that feel normal?'

'Yes,' she sighed, forgetting about everything other than Naomi's lips. 'It feels like the most natural thing in the whole world.'

'Then you're normal Em, you're normal, I'm normal. What we're doing, it's real and it's ok.'

'But why doesn't it feel okay?' she shouted, fists clenched on either side of her.

Naomi took a deep breath and squeezed Emily's hand tightly. 'You just said that it did.'

'I mean after, later,' Emily murmured, her head dropping towards her chest. 'When I go home tonight I'll think about your lips on mine and it'll make me want you more, but at the same time it'll make me want to scream and cry and be someone that the world accepts.'

'Then don't go home,' Naomi smirked, cut off by Emily's irate sigh.

'Be serious Naomi, I could be here or on the other side of the world and I'd still have doubts.'

'I thought you knew who you were, that you're gay.'

'I do, but sometimes I wonder if there's an easier way. If I can have a _choice_. Being with Jonah, it was nice.'

Being with Jonah _was_ nice, it was easy, it was simple and it made her family happy. Emily lay back against Naomi's pillows and closed her eyes. If she could have just one wish it would be that she loved men not women. Then when she opened her eyes again and all she could see was Naomi, she doubted herself.

Naomi looked worried, doubtful. 'Only as friends though, right?'

'Yes,' she answered honestly, knowing deep down that the only truth in her life was the love she felt for Naomi. 'Only as friends. I'd never do that to you Naomi.'

'You wouldn't be happy with him Emily. A guy, even the nicest, sweetest guy like JJ, he wouldn't be right for you.'

'But I don't know what right feels like,' Emily whispered, picking at the lacy hem of her bra.

'Yes you do,' Naomi assured her, lifting her chin and cupping her face. 'This, this feels right. I know you know that too.'

Their lips joined in the softest of kisses for a brief moment, Emily's heart rate sped up as Naomi shifted her body on the bed. Emily slipped a hand around Naomi's thigh, pulling her closer. She spread kisses along her chin, down her neck and across her collarbone, before lifting her in one move. Naomi lay on the bed, her thighs parted by Emily's knee and her jumper removed swiftly.

'Fuck,' Naomi gasped, the covers clenched in her fists as Emily trailed her kisses down her stomach towards the sensitive skin on her thighs. Emily smiled into her kisses, nibbled on skin whilst Naomi's fingers wrapped tightly around her red hair. Then Emily pulled away with a cheeky smile on her face. 'Don't stop.'

'Wasn't gonna,' Emily sighed, crawling up the bed to plant kisses back on Naomi's lips, neck and collarbone as her hand slid down the soft skin of Naomi's hip.

Afterwards, they lay back on the bed; Emily's breathing grew slower and deeper as they came down. She closed her eyes, rested them for just a second, finding comfort in their pinkie fingers joined between them. When she opened them again Naomi was staring at her.

'I thought you'd want a go,' Naomi muttered, pulling her close.

'I owe you, a lot,' she smiled, reaching a hand up to Naomi's cheek and kissing her deeply. 'This is my punishment.'

Naomi's lustful eyes landed on her with a cheeky smirk, 'I can think of better punishments.'

'Maybe tomorrow.'

The scent of sex hung in the room, teasing Emily's nostrils as her unfulfilled body wrapped tightly around Naomi's. She smiled, grinned at the thought of how much love she felt for one person, even though she couldn't tell her. They lay there in silence merely sharing the same space, breathing in the same air and allowing every moment to be theirs.

'When I was four years old,' Naomi whispered. 'I watched my mum's first boyfriend after my dad leave. Then every other year for probably the majority of the last decade I've watched her heart break with every failed relationship.'

Emily frowned, rested her chin on Naomi's shoulder and waited to be sure Naomi had entirely finished. 'Why did you tell me that?'

'There's things we haven't told each other,' Naomi muttered. 'Felt like telling you, that's all.'

Letting out a long, deep sigh, Emily contemplated everything she had yet to tell the woman she loved. Her family, the details about them that she had never told anyone. Her friends, the lack of real people in her life. Her job, the ins and outs of how much of a failure she saw herself as. What use was a degree if she couldn't even use it? She watched Naomi chew on her lip, waited again for silence before she pushed herself into bravery.

'The night we kissed in middle school I went to a lake and I jumped in, I stayed under the water as long as I possibly could before drowning. Every time anything bad happens I go under the water and I test myself, see how long I can last because, well, because being under there thinking I might die is sometimes better than being here, with the things that might kill me.'

'Oh.'

She could hear the disappointment in Naomi's voice, not disappointment in her; at least she didn't think it was. She suspected Naomi hadn't quite envisioned that level of sharing. When Naomi slipped out from her arms and sat up on the edge of the bed, Emily's heart began pounding harder. She regretted saying anything, wished she could take it back.

'I didn't know you, I didn't,' Naomi muttered, hunched over.

'Fuck,' Emily called out, kneeling up and wrapping her arms around Naomi's shoulders. 'I didn't, I mean, Mike. I'm sorry. I wouldn't ever kill myself Naomi, I promise. I just like to know that I have the option. I'm too fucking scared to do anything like that. Do you believe me?'

Naomi nodded her head. 'Sure, you just scared me. I hadn't pegged you as suicidal.'

'That's because I'm not. I honestly couldn't do that and now, now I have you. I do have you, right?'

'Christ,' Naomi groaned, turning to face her. 'Did you…when I…when Cook found out?'

'It's in the past now,' Emily muttered, kissing her lips. 'Yesterday was a bad day for me, until I saw you in the club.'

'Will you show me?'

'Show you?'

'The place you go.'

'Oh, I suppose I could. Not now, I can't go back there for a few days. I never could, after.'

'Okay.'

They lay back down on the bed, their arms and legs twisted around each other, their mouths joined in a passionate embrace. Emily's lips curled up naturally, unaided as she thought about everything she wanted to happen. The future was there again, with Naomi by her side, her life wobbling along at a speed she could barely control.

'I just need some time. Then I'll show you everything.'

**Author Note****: Thanks for reading yet again, I'm hoping the next chapter will push the story forwards and perhaps make you all very happy? Or unhappy...or angry...or frustrated...see what I did there? I'm only trying to confuse you so you won't know what I have planned. I wouldn't want you to know the ending before it's even begun now would I?**

**This story still has a way to go, it's probably about a half or maybe two thirds of the way through, this appears to be a long one!**

**Thanks for sticking with me along the way and if you have a spare five minutes then please leave a review!**


	21. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Now I know I shouldn't expect anything...but I woke up this morning to TWO reviews. The last time that happened (other than recently) was probably over a year ago. What am I doing wrong? I'd like to know, so that I can fix it. I know I haven't been as good lately, things have been tough. But I'm trying, these chapters are actually almost killing me and it feels like I'm getting very little back.**

**Thank you though to those who have reviewed, I appreciate it. Oh do I appreciate it. The reviews I did get made me smile and really cheered me up.**

**This chapter took a direction I didn't expect, it was supposed to be a lovely romanticness between Naomily. That should hopefully come along next chapter, or maybe the one after.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Nineteen**

A group of teenage boys sat at the back of the bus, their mobile phones blaring out a handful of different tunes, their voices carried down to the front seat where Emily hunched over her phone tentatively checking the dozen or so messages on there. She'd left Naomi's with a smile spread across her face, elation filling her body from the tips of her fingers to the balls of her feet. She was happy and she didn't care who knew it. Usually the teenagers would have annoyed her, _inconsiderate kids_, but somehow nothing else seemed to matter. Blonde hair filled her thoughts, her fingers tugging a little hard on the long, bright strands, desperate for more than just a kiss. She stopped by Jonah's, could barely remember the brief exchange with his mother as she walked back up the hill towards the bus stop. She walked on air; the crisp autumn morning crept up on her like they always had done.

At seven she remembered her first day at school and the amazement that the ground was littered with crispy, colourful leaves. She hadn't known then what she knew now, that the leaves fell too soon, they should have expected them in October not the third of September. She kicked them, crunched them and purposefully moved across the biggest and the best as she had as a child. Nothing beat the almighty crunch of each leaf beneath her foot. Except perhaps the love rattling through her bones demanding her continuous attention.

The messages on her phone sobered her a little when she noticed six missed calls off her mother in between a few from Naomi. Then there had been a message from Katie swearing at her for leaving her in the club alone. Finally she switched off her phone and rang the bell to signal her stop.

The flat looked terrible, the window frames looked even more warn than usual and the door to the building sat wide open inviting anyone inside. She attempted to close it, struggled with the broken Yale lock before giving up, allowing the door to swing back to its open state.

'Fucking twat,' she called it, laughing at herself for talking to a piece of wood.

She climbed the stairs two at a time, cursed herself for being so unfit when she reached the top with a huff and puff. Her flat stood at the end of the hallway, the dark wooden door slightly ajar.

'Bastards,' she called out, running down to the end of the corridor, not stopping until she'd pushed open the door and stood in the entrance to her flat. She looked around the mess, couldn't remember how she'd left it the day before but doubted she had anything to do with the overturned sofa cushions and the hole where her cheap television was supposed to be.

Her heart leapt into her mouth. The keys in her hand were useless, so fucking useless that she threw them across the room in a fit of rage. The break-in didn't make much of a difference by way of belongings; she hadn't had much in the first place for them to steal. She walked into the kitchen, her mood depleted, her natural high smashed into pieces. Most of the cups and glasses were smashed on the floor, what sort of thief wanted to break glasses? She cursed loudly and retrieved a dirty mug from the sink. She needed a drink. Her legs were shaking, her hands were unsteady. It took three attempts for the water to fill the mug to the top before she downed it in only a couple of large gulps. She needed a _stronger_ drink.

She slipped a hand into her pocket for her phone and dialled the first number that came to mind. Naomi. Her mood lifting at the mere thought of hearing her voice.

'Welcome to Vodafone, sorry, you do not have enough credit to make this call.'

'Fucking, bastarding, titwank,' she shouted, dropping the phone on the counter and returning to the lounge to find the landline. When she picked it up the line was dead. 'Fucking phone company.'

In her frustrations she stalked back to the kitchen for another drink, sipped on water and again wished it was something stronger. She took a few deep breaths to calm to her shattered nerves. A pile of letters sat in front of her. A sense of foreboding pushed her hand in the direction of the letters. The first one was a bill from the gas company, a final reminder to pay. The second was junk mail informing her she'd won twenty thousand pounds.

'Yeah, in my fucking dreams.'

The next letter she opened was from the phone company informing her that her phone line would be cut off. She took the pile of letters and slipped them into her bag with her phone, packed a bag with the belongings she had left and actually wanted to keep and carried them back towards the bus stop.

Emily fished in her pocket for some money; she could barely scrape together fifty pence. 'Fan-fucking-tastic.' Public transport was out of question, so she walked.

xxx

People milled around in sweat pants, a bag in one hand and a towel hung over their shoulder. Women with sports tops revealing more than Emily expected to see. She stood in the entrance, watching a group of women in their sixties discussing baked beans and the ills of the world. Not one of them looked ready for a work out, or even a swim. A loud beep filled the room until a voice came over the tannoy system asking for some assistance in the main room. A couple came in and asked the man at reception for information on joining and then Rob Fitch rushed past and every previous trip to his gym flooded Emily's mind. The misfits and body builders, the new customers, her father walking past at such a speed he didn't notice her standing in the corner staring at him expectantly.

'Dad,' she called, drowned out by a man in the 'Don't Get Fit, Get Fitch' signature t-shirt vying for Rob's attention.

Nothing ever changed. Not really. The seasons change from spring to summer, to autumn, winter and back to spring. Yet they were never different, always ran in exactly the same order. There hadn't been any freak summer snowfalls for years, or so anyone over forty told her. The last warm day in December must have happened before she was born and every night the sun would fall only to rise again the next morning. And every Saturday as far back as she remembered since her dad opened the gym, they sat in the waiting area at lunchtime hoping he'd be able to get away for the afternoon. By Emily's twelfth birthday even Jenna gave up taking them there. Emily hadn't been in years.

'Emily?'

The bubble of thought that Emily had found herself in quickly burst and she was greeted by a tall, slender woman who Emily only faintly recognised. She frowned, looking at Emily with as much intensity as Emily looked back.

'It is,' the woman laughed. 'It's little Emily Fitch all grown up.'

'Err,' she hesitated, unable to place the brunette stood opposite. She looked her up and down once more, had to stop herself from staring at the woman's perfectly maintained body.

'It's Alice, don't you remember me?' she smiled with a cute wink.

Emily bit her lip to stop herself from staring in the hope of transferring her attention from the beautiful woman stood in front of her. She loved Naomi, she wanted Naomi but fuck was Alice gorgeous. She searched her mind for memories of Alice, anything that could come to mind to make her know exactly who she was stood in front of.

'_Little Emsy Fitch, how are we today?'_

'_We're good. How are we too?'_

'_We're also good. Now does pops have something planned for you or can you help me sort the locker keys?'_

'_He's never got anything planned,' she rolled her eyes._

'_Urgh,' Katie groaned. 'I don't want to sort lockers keys. I thought we were going swimming.'_

'_I bet Davey at the pool would look out for you Katie sweets.'_

'_Davey's on?' she grinned. 'Ace!'_

'Alice!' she grinned. 'You're still here?'

The memories grew stronger of the first girl Emily really _noticed_. When she was nine she didn't know what it meant to be gay, she'd seen women on television kissing and holding hands, but Jenna always turned it off. She asked questions and like with the questions of babies she was sent to do her homework or tidy her bedroom. But Alice was the symbol of her younger years, a symbol of being carefree and able to have fun. She wrapped her arms around her, uncomfortably conscious of Alice's sports top revealing a perfect cleavage.

'Course, wasn't going to bail on your old man when he gave me my first job,' Alice mumbled, pulling out of the hold. 'How old are you now? I haven't seen you since you were, what, fifteen? The last time your dad brought the family to the Christmas party. How is Katie? Still breaking hearts and stealing alcohol from adults?'

The party happened every year in January, a belated Christmas event that worked out cheaper because of the time of year. They held it in a conference centre owned by one of Rob's biggest clients, which meant he got it for free. The event had been a family friendly affair until the year Katie decided to steal glasses of alcohol off tables when the adults weren't looking. Emily followed her around, as always and watched in horror as her sister grew more intoxicated, until she threw up and passed out in the corner. They hadn't gone back.

'Less of the stealing alcohol,' Emily grinned. 'We're almost twenty two, she doesn't need to anymore.'

'Twenty two, _fucking hell._ So you waiting on your pops?' she nodded.

'Yeah, he had to rush off somewhere. Don't think he even knows I'm here.'

Story of her life, always the invisible one surrounded by people who should have noticed her. That's why she usually dyed her hair so bright. She wasn't one for seeking attention, not like 'look at me, I'm so beautiful' Katie, but she wanted people to at least see that she existed. She ran a hand through her hair, so dull and drab compared to what it normally was. For the first time since quitting her job, she actually regretted it.

'Look,' Alice began, interrupting Emily's train of thought. 'I'm on my lunch break now. Wanna join me for something to eat? Supposed to have a meeting with Mr Fitch straight after, I'm sure he'd much rather see you.'

The offer brought a grin to Emily's face, she liked to smile, loved it more when she smiled at someone who then smiled back. She used to smile a lot, as a child. She remembered her teachers writing in her primary school reports that she was a ray of sunshine who brightened up even the dullest of days. What changed?

She cleared her throat. 'I thought only managers had meetings with my dad? Or has that changed?'

'No little Fitch,' Alice chuckled. 'Been here so long your old man had no other option but to make me a supervisor of the personal assistants. You're not the only one who's grown up.'

They walked through the gym towards the cafe. All the corridors looked exactly the same, every door, even some of the posters were very similar to the ones Emily used to read in the school holidays. Katie had insisted they were too old to spend the holidays at dad's work when they reached fourteen. Emily suspected that Katie hadn't picked up on the number of very vain, very handsomely built men who hung around the place on a daily basis. She laughed at the thought of Katie insisting on going to the gym for the very reason of hot men.

'Chicken Caesar Salad please Paul,' Alice ordered, taking a number.

'I'll have the same, thank you.'

'Put Emily's under my name.'

'But that's against the rules 'lice, Mr Fitch would,'

'Wouldn't care, she's his daughter.'

'Oh, sorry. It's lovely to meet you.'

The carefree exchange made Emily jealous. She'd always admired Alice, probably felt more for her than she should have done between the ages of nine and twelve. She was a strong, passionate woman who started at the gym at eighteen, now she couldn't have been much more than thirty and her life was set up. Unlike Emily's. Back then Emily had been a geeky little kid that Alice had to entertain, now she was an adult, everything was different. Except it wasn't really. Emily still relied on others to help her run her life. The only real difference was that she saw beauty in Alice's company; the tightly built muscles, the perfect hips, the reasonably sized breasts. She cursed under her breath for her train of thought, felt guilty for thinking about another woman when she was in love with Naomi. Alice was her father's longest running employee as far as she knew and whatever childish crush she had back then was over. Naomi was what mattered now.

'So what brings you to this here fine gymnasium?' Alice asked, her voice sounding like something from the Wild West, not its usual Bristolian with an Australian twang.

Emily laughed as she had so many times before. Alice's voices were the best thing about her childhood at the gym; she couldn't believe she hadn't remembered her. 'I'd forgotten how funny you were.'

She tilted her head and pushed down the rim of an invisible hat, 'Why thank you pretty lady.'

_The last time they'd been at the gym together Emily had been twelve. She'd started middle school seven weeks earlier. The October half term she'd been dragged down to the gym when her mum had to take Katie and James to buy new school shoes. James was too wayward to be left there and Katie had spent the last month begging for heeled shoes like most of the girls in their class. Emily sat in the corner of her dad's office waiting for something to do when Alice popped her head round the door._

'_Ali!' Emily grinned, greeting her with a hug._

'_Pops sent me. How is my little Fitch?' she asked, striking up a conversation about school._

'_It's brilliant, there's loads of new people. Like this boy called Jason that Katie really likes and there's a girl in my class that doesn't talk to anyone. She's called Naomi. I wonder why she doesn't talk to anyone.'_

'_I bet you're going to find out.'_

She never did. She made a note to herself to ask Naomi the next time she saw her, to finally discuss their past together.

'I came,' Emily began, letting out a deep breath between words. 'I don't even know why I came. I got home this morning to find my flat's been broken into.'

'Oh sweets,' Alice gasped, returning with ease to a serious tone. 'Did they take anything?'

'Crappy, second hand television that only worked every other day anyway.'

'Oh, well that's still unfortunate. Do the police have any leads?'

'Front door's broken; doubt they'd do anything about it. Doesn't matter anyway, don't own anything worth stealing. I can't go back there though; I'm in such a fucking mess.'

Words came easier with strangers. Had Katie asked the same questions she'd have said very little, grunted perhaps, muttered a half-hearted response that meant nothing but covered the basics. She was instantly relaxed with Alice, whereas she'd never been with her family. Emily had spent more time alone in the last few years than, she suspected, Katie had spent with boyfriends. Friends were an alien concept and before Naomi, anything more was even stranger. As they sat down at a small, wooden table, Emily found comfort with the one person she always remembered feeling safe.

'Why do I get the feeling this isn't just about your home?'

Alice looked at her with earnest, demanding her attention in so few words, words which stood out clearly when coming from a near stranger. She imagined, in that moment, that she could say anything to Alice and not be judged. That if she said something more than she ever would to most people, she wouldn't actually regret it.

'Home,' Emily scoffed, accepting her plate of food. 'I've been living in a run down, one bedroomed flat that wouldn't even be fit for your worst enemy.'

'Well is there anywhere else you can go? Your parents, does Katie have her own place too? Perhaps you could stay with her.'

'I can't. There's,' she hesitated, her fork hovering over the plate. 'There's just reasons I can't move home.'

The mere thought of going home was ruled out by the prospect of seeing Naomi under the watchful eye of her mother. Plus, living with James again was the last thing she wanted. At thirteen he continuously broke the bathroom lock so he could spy on her and Katie showering; now he was nearly eighteen and competent with a computer, she dreaded to think what he would do. But in all honesty, that was why she was there. She'd gone to get the support of her dad, get his help on sorting out her financial mess, even if that meant moving home.

'What about a girlfriend?'

'Girlfriend?'

The question shouldn't have been alien and in many ways didn't feel at all strange, but the assumption made, when she'd said very little about her personal life, sent her into an internal battle. How did she know? How could she have guessed when she hadn't seen Alice in near seven years.

'Sweets, the second I saw you my gaydar screamed at me.'

'Fuck,' she cried, tears creeping up on her. 'Really?'

'He doesn't know, does he?'

'Dad?' she shook her head, wiping at her eyes to stop the tears from overflowing onto her face. 'No. I don't think he does. But if you could tell,'

'Oh sweets,' Alice sighed, holding Emily's hand up. 'What happened to the confident girl I used to know?'

'She learnt what a homophobic family she has.'

She'd learnt a long time ago what her family thought about being gay, she'd witnessed first-hand Katie dragging her away from Naomi. What better example was there? She often dreamed of a family who didn't mind, who loved her regardless. Her sister would take her to gay bars and tell her how great it was that instead of having a new brother around; she'd have a second sister. Her mother would hold her tightly in her arms; tell her how proud she was of her for coming out and how hard it must have been dealing with her sexuality alone.

'Nonsense. Your dad's always been fine with me.'

'You're gay?'

The sexuality of the beautiful girl in front of her shouldn't have come as quite a surprise as it did. Somehow Emily suspected it of her, realised that was probably where the gaydar fitted into her life. Even as a teenager she'd known there was something different about Alice, something allusive. Katie had never liked her and now she knew why, Alice was the one person in their life who had probably never given Katie advice on boys. She felt guilty, wary of having lunch with her knowing the truth. She'd already spent long enough lying to Naomi about Jonah. Emily made a promise to herself to inform her girlfriend the second she had credit, that she'd had lunch with a beautiful woman that made her toes curl just a little. Just so that she was honest with Naomi.

'Always have been sweets, when I first met your pops I told him straight out. I'm Alice, I have a girlfriend and I'd like a job.'

'You didn't!' Emily chuckled, Alice's humour lightening the strain of the conversation.

'Actually I did. I was one of twenty-seven eighteen year olds looking for a chance. I had to stand out somehow. That's the only way I knew about you sweets. Don't worry, your pops has too much testosterone to notice.'

The table felt like the most stable place to be, she clutched the edges so tight that her knuckles went white. She ran a hand through her hair, noticed again how dull the red had become. She hated brown hair, hated it with a passion because it was a colour she associated with Katie. She'd never had anything that was her own, not even the red for a while, but Katie just saw it as an experiment.

'I take it even Katie doesn't know.'

'Are you kidding?' she scoffed, her breathing sped up at the sheer thought of Katie sitting at home, probably all too aware of her sexuality. 'She's the worst if you don't count the fire breathing dragon.'

'Nothing changes with Jenna then?' Alice asked. 'You know one Christmas she accused me of only getting the job because your pops wanted to get into my pants. I told her I was gay and she didn't believe me. Thankfully my girlfriend at the time was stood next to me. She didn't seem to mind too much after we kissed, actually looked relieved.'

Emily laughed, 'What time will you be seeing dad?'

'In ten minutes. Don't look so nervous, he's a good man.'

'I know. I just owe a lot of money that I can't pay off.'

'Nothing dodgy I hope?'

'No, no, nothing like that. I quit my job, used up every penny I have. Can't even afford to live in a crappy flat in the worst part of town.'

'And you can't go to your girlfriend?'

Could she? She'd considered Naomi but mostly for support. Deep down she knew that even thinking about moving in with her was too soon, way too soon for both of them. Sure she loved her and would have done anything to make her happy and she suspected that maybe Naomi felt the same. That didn't make it easier to process the possibility.

'No,' she shook her head, pushing the idea away before it could plant itself into her thoughts. 'I can't. It's still new and, tentative; I've made a few mistakes. It's bad enough that she doesn't know how bad my financial problems are, I've been ignoring them. I can't take them to her. Not now.'

The salad lay uneaten on the plate. Emily's fork hovered above a piece of lettuce as the conversation turned over in her thoughts. She had nowhere to go. In her twenty-two years on Earth she'd made no real friends, hadn't even made any enemies. She looked back to the morning, waking up for a second time in Naomi's bed. Their arms were wrapped tightly around each other's waists. It was perfect, life was perfect. How quickly things seemed to change.

'I have a box room,' Alice began. 'It needs clearing out but I have a camp bed, if you need somewhere.'

'No. I'll be fine, I'll figure something out,' she assured her, turned the fork over and over. She couldn't accept. Firstly, Alice worked with her dad. Secondly, what would Naomi think of her living with a lesbian? Finally, she had no other arguments. As hard as she tried to find a reason to say no and seriously mean it, nothing else came to mind. Alice had as good as proved her reliance. Somehow in those few short minutes they'd spent eating lunch Emily had come to trust her completely for the second time in her life.

'Well the offer's there.'

'Okay,' she backtracked. 'A room would be good.'

**Author Note****: Somehow I managed to get you two chapters in two days...now who wants some chocolate to celebrate? :D**


	22. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Hello...wasn't sure I'd be saying that again anytime soon. Guess I was wrong. Happy New Year! Thank you to anyone still hanging out there hoping for more and to anyone who has reviewed up until now. I'm attempting to get my writing back on track, writing every single day - 3 days in a row so far (yes it's a resolution).**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty**

The building stood on the far side of town, away from the busy streets of central Bristol and the bustling family homes that surrounded the city schools. The building itself was tall, a new build in the last decade. The window frames were made from uPVC, the door was one of three between the entrance and Alice's flat. A key card used to gain entry beyond the second door and again to reach the flats on the third floor. The place felt infinitely safer, more secure than Emily had ever felt in her life. Even at university where her halls of residence shared a night guard with the building next door. The first few months seventeen people attempted to break in, that was when she knew why they employed him.

'Welcome to my humble abode,' Alice announced, her arms outstretched as she spun around. 'Make yourself at home.'

'It's lovely,' Emily smiled, dropping her bags by the door.

She envisioned herself sat around on the sofa watching the widescreen television, Naomi's arms wrapped around her waist, her neck being playfully nibbled to pieces. Then Naomi would rest her head on Emily's knees and fall asleep in front of Fifty First Dates or Imagine Me and You because they'd spent the night before horizontal on Emily's bed.

'Your bedroom is that door there, like I said earlier I'll need to remove a few boxes but there's a desk you can have. My room's opposite the front door. Bathroom's opposite my room, I have an en-suite so it's all yours.'

The reasonably new carpet moved beneath her feet, gave a spring to her step that she hadn't felt at all in her last flat. She couldn't remember the last time she walked on new flooring. The door to her bedroom was propped open by a small box. The room itself cluttered with several larger items. The mess didn't matter, despite Alice's best efforts to assure her it wouldn't be there for much longer. She loved the flat, the warmth, the homely feel, the lack of urine smells and rotting windowsills. She could have slept on the floor with the boxes surrounding her and it would have been better than her previous home.

'Knock, knock.'

The front door opened and Rob appeared carrying a couple of boxes. She greeted him with a hug, something she hadn't done off her own back for a long time, and relieved him of the strain. Out of her parents he was the one who didn't seem to mind. In every scenario she thought up that involved coming out to her family, his imagined responses were always positive. Sometimes she wondered why she didn't tell him. Now she knew. You couldn't keep secrets from the people you're in love with. Emily had tried and she knew the damage she could have caused, she wondered if Naomi had overthought it in the same way she had. She'd acted strong, seemed to get over her omission of the truth very quickly which gave Emily many doubts she was too scared to think about.

'Afternoon Mr Fitch,' Alice greeted him, taking the boxes from him and placing them in the doorway to Emily's room.

'How many times do I have to tell you Ali? When we're away from the rest of the staff you can call me Rob.'

'I'm used to referring to you professionally.'

'Nonsense love, we've known each other long enough. Now you've got my Emsy living with you I expect Rob, okay?'

'Gotcha.'

'Now you should come over for dinner on Sunday. I won't take no for an answer.'

'Then I'll be there Mr, Rob.'

The carefree exchange should have made Emily laugh, yet she couldn't help put Naomi in Alice's place. Would he be so kind to her? Would he ever accept her as Naomi and not the girl screwing his gay daughter? She cleared her throat as a silence fell between them all.

'Thanks for collecting my things dad,' she smiled. 'I couldn't face going back there.'

'That's alright love, gotta look after my little girl, haven't I? Now I got everything you asked but I dropped that box that was under your bed. The lock bust and everything fell out, managed to fix it but couldn't get everything to fit back inside.'

Rob slipped something out of his pocket and held it up to the light. The tall, slender body of the pearl finish vibrator stood out under the harsh lighting. 'I dunno what it is, some kind of light up girlie screwdriver I imagine.'

A shade of deep crimson covered her warm cheeks as she took the toy off her dad. She caught Alice stood with her arms folded and a hand covering her lips, which curled up in a smirk.

'Thanks,' she muttered, throwing the toy into one of the boxes.

'I phoned your landlord, gave him a piece of my mind. He tried to get another month's rent out of you, I told him to go shove it where the sun don't shine or I'd be calling Health and Safety. Let me have those bills and I'll make sure you're up to date.'

'Thanks dad,' she muttered, kissing his cheek in appreciation.

'Enjoy yourself; I hear Alice is a bit of a party animal.'

xxx

Alone at last, Emily found the camp bed propped up in the corner of her room. She rolled it across the wooden floor towards the centre and unfolded it until it lay out flat. The springy mattress was surprisingly comfortable underneath her back so she curled up in a ball and rested for a while, grinning widely at the possibilities she now faced. Her debts were clear, her financial worries were less of a burden and for the first time in weeks she could see a positive future forming that wasn't clouded.

The bed reminded her of the countless nights spent in her grandparent's spare room. They only had two single beds and when her siblings thought up games to choose who got the put-up, Emily always seemed to lose. She didn't mind. Unlike Katie and James, she was always more glad of a bed for the night than its comfort. As she lay there, her mouth curled up into an insanely large smile, it suddenly occurred to her of the little contact she'd made with Naomi in the last six or seven hours. The smile didn't falter as the morning's events returned fresh into her memory. She leant over the side of her bed searching for her phone and dialled Naomi's number.

'Sometimes I wonder I could ever be any happier,' Emily whispered the second Naomi answered her phone.

'Em?'

'Yeah.'

'Haven't heard from you in a while?' Naomi laughed her voice light and playful. 'If I'm honest I was a little disappointed not to hear from you sooner.'

'I know, I'm sorry. I had some things to do.'

'It's okay,' Naomi replied, drawing out her words into a bout of silent. 'I really missed you.'

'Missed you too.'

With the phone pressed to her ear, Emily rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling as she explained to Naomi about her eventful day. A finger curled around the ends of her mostly brown locks whilst her lip tucked neatly under her tooth, something she imagined Naomi to be doing at that very moment. There were few things she'd enjoyed about the recent days and lying in her new room talking to Naomi, flirting a little, had to be the most pleasurable.

'Where are you now?'

'Home.'

'At your flat?' Naomi gasped. 'You can't stay there.'

'No,' Emily muttered. 'At my new home.'

'Did I miss something?'

If Emily was honest, Naomi _had_ missed something. She'd purposefully told the story without the ending in order to get across the situation before informing her of her new location. That was intended and she hoped Naomi wouldn't hate her for it.

'When I went to my dad's gym I bumped into an old friend, she has a spare room.'

'She?'

The word sounded more significant than it needed to be, a hint of jealousy laced Naomi's voice leading Emily's mind into an avalanche of worries. She explained quickly about Alice, even slipped in that Alice was gay, which only seemed to fuel Naomi's worried tone. The phone call ended quickly.

In the period of time since the call started, the sky outside had turned a deeper shade of reddy-orange. The sun was setting on the day, a day full of a rollercoaster of emotions. A day that Emily hoped would end better than it started. She placed her phone on the floor and stared up at the dark sky through the small window. It can't have been much later than seven but Emily felt like she'd been awake for weeks.

'Em?' a gentle voice followed a knock on her door, the kind, caring voice of her part-old, part-new friend. She wanted to get up, or shout for Alice to enter the room. Instead she closed her eyes, curled up into a small ball and pretended to be asleep. She heard the door creak open and could feel Alice's presence moving across the room. Somehow, with a mix of darkness and having her eyes closed, she felt herself drifting into a state of unconscious. The last thing she remembered before dozing off was a blanket being laid over her.

When she opened her eyes again the room was cloaked in darkness, the sun had long since been extinguished from the night's sky and every object appeared less friendly. Emily pushed the blanket away from her shoulders and climbed out of bed, wandering through the apartment towards the toilet and then lounge. She turned on the television and only then did she notice the time, not even four in the morning. She had no desire to sleep any longer and after a brief raid of the kitchen cupboards, decided that she preferred a trip to the supermarket.

Walking the streets at night was something she never dared do at her old flat, except to reach her car. But the area Alice's flat was housed in was known as infinitely safer and less than five minutes' walk away from a small, twenty-four hour express. The air was cool, to the point of Emily regretting not taking her jacket; though the walk itself was relatively pleasant. She wandered round the four or five small aisles in search of anything she liked the look of. Her bank account may not have been keeping her going very well before, but void of the bills and debt she'd accumulated, she knew there was enough for a few items of luxury. She dropped a couple of packets into a basket, her attention immediately drawn to Naomi on approaching the eggs; a packet of free range, local eggs, were a wise selection that she knew Naomi would be doubly proud of. As she paid for her items it was strangely freeing not to have to count her coppers or double check the amount on the till compared to the amount left in her bank.

By five, she'd begun stirring a packet of bread mix with water and eggs, praying to herself that she could make a good loaf without much help. Once the bread had settled on the top of the low oven heat to rise, she started to chop up tomatoes and cucumbers, tossing them together with lettuce and dressing to make a salad for lunch. On hearing Alice's door open and the bathroom door close, she began to fry bacon and cracked a couple of eggs into a pan.

'Something smells,' Alice yawned, pausing briefly in order to close her mouth. 'Amazing.'

'It's the least I could do,' Emily smiled, placing the freshly baked loaf on a bread board and setting it down in the middle of the small, glass table. She handed Alice a knife and went in search of orange juice.

'Where did you find the time to do all of this?'

'Couldn't sleep.'

'Nothing troubling you?' Alice asked, raising an eyebrow.

Was there? Emily couldn't quite decide. She'd done her best to ignore every thought in her mind in order to get some rest and once she'd chosen to head out for supplies she did everything she could to list only what she needed and not think about Naomi, despite the slip up round the eggs.

'What's up chickadee?' Alice requested, patting the seat beside her and spreading butter across her freshly sliced bread.

Emily took a deep breath, tried to focus her mind long enough to put into words everything she was feeling. As she analysed her disappointment at Naomi being less excited about the positive change in her living arrangements, she found the only words she felt the need to say.

'Think Naomi doesn't approve of me living here.'

'You told her I was gay, didn't you?'

'I thought it would help.'

Alice stared at her for longer than Emily deemed necessary. 'Babes, when you're starting out in a relationship, the last thing you want to do is make your girl think you're living 'with' someone. How about you invite her over here for when I get off work, I'll soon make her realise she has nothing to worry about.'

The whole idea seemed ridiculous to Emily, like throwing petrol onto a fire. Would it really help? Would it make it worse? Would it end the relationship for good? The more questions she asked, the less comfortable she felt with the idea. Then again, she was hopeless at dating; she didn't know what to do with herself most of the time. Except when she was in Naomi's arms, which was the only time it didn't seem to matter. Perhaps trusting someone else's more experienced advice was the way to go.

'You sure?' she mumbled.

'Completely, now grab the Marmite from the cupboard and let's enjoy this lovely breakfast. Happy faces only from now until I leave, deal?'

Emily's lips curled into a smile, she wasn't sure what it was about Alice but even as a child, she'd always had the ability to make her smile.

'Deal.'

**Author Note****: Does anyone have any resolutions? I'd love to hear them...and please, as always, review :)**


	23. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: I would have liked to have got this up sooner, but I only managed to write it tonight. This week's been a busy/odd one for me, had a family meal, then my granddad's funeral to go to. But your reviews have been very much appreciated and a few wonderful moments during an otherwise difficult week, so I appreciate them all so very much.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

The table was set for three, place mats equidistant apart and wine glasses placed atop each setting. There were two knives and a spoon for soup, as well as a basket of bread in the centre of the table beside a small, delicate daisy picked from a neighbours garden. Emily left Alice adding the finishing touches to a lasagne in order to have a shower. When she got under the water, the steaming hot liquid ran through her hair, along her body. She massaged lathers of soapy wash into her skin, along her arms and legs right up to her nipples and roughly cut toenails. The white suds trickled down her legs into the bottom of the shower, taking with them a slight darkened tinge she suspected was the grime caking her skin. With all of the upheaval she hadn't had much time to think about the basics, like washing. Only, now she'd settled, all she could think about was impressing Naomi.

'What if she doesn't get along with Alice?' she muttered to nobody in particular. 'Did I tell her to make the lasagne veggie? Fuck.'

She wrapped a towel around her body, tucked it neatly into itself and squeezed as much of the water from her hair. She hadn't realised how long it had become, reaching past her shoulders, a length she hadn't had since being about twelve. That was the year Katie insisted they dye their hair red and they both got it cut shorter.

'Emily, Naomi's on her way up,' Alice shouted from the kitchen a short time later.

Thankfully, she'd just finished drying it with Alice's hairdryer, had slipped into a top she knew Naomi liked and was forcing her Primark's answer to Converse onto her feet. When she reached the front door, there was a gentle knock. On opening it, Emily paused, remembered everything she was worried about and attempted to push a smile back onto her face.

'Emily,' a small voice called out loudly and two just as small arms wrapped themselves tightly around Emily's legs.

A glance down at Erin was enough to confirm her attendance followed by a frown aimed at Naomi. The blonde barely seemed to notice Emily's confusion, instead her eyes gave Emily the once over, until her lips curled into a smile.

'You look nice.'

'You look,' Emily began, admiring Naomi's body in return. 'Like you.'

'Is that a compliment?' Naomi laughed, wrapping her arms around Emily's waist and planting a kiss carefully on the corner of her mouth.

'Not to sound rude, but I was only expecting you,' Emily muttered in a hushed tone. 'Alone.'

'Sorry,' Naomi rolled her eyes. 'Mum had to go to some meeting, Cook's working, I couldn't sort anything else out at the last minute. I thought it'd be okay. It is okay, isn't it?'

'Yeah, of course. It's alright,' Emily nodded, leading Naomi and her daughter through the apartment towards the kitchen.

Erin's presence had knocked Emily off balance a little, but at the same time, had stemmed her fears of a jealous Naomi. She left them sitting on the sofa in order to grab some drinks.

'She brought her little girl,' Emily whispered the moment she reached the kitchen, her voice hushed.

'She has a daughter?' Alice asked, inquisitively.

Emily could only nod, her nerves sending her into a fit of panic. She clutched the work surface as hard as she could, her fingernails digging into the hard, marble top. In reality the ends bent over slightly. She took a deep breath and somehow found her way to the table.

'Drink that,' Alice told her, placing a glass in front of her.

'Water,' Emily spoke, trying out her voice, testing how shattered it sounded. So far, so good. 'Thanks.'

Alice shook her head and patted Emily's arm. 'Not water, Gin, it'll help.'

The glass balanced precariously between two others until Emily rested them all on the coffee table. She handed Erin a small glass of juice and Naomi one filled with wine, before sitting down opposite them and supping on her Gin. The alcohol slowly made its way through her blood stream towards her head until a feeling she'd never been able to describe pulsed through her veins. She watched Naomi talking with Erin, a discussion about why poor people didn't have as many toys as rich people. The concept appeared strange enough that Emily couldn't avoid the smile forming on her lips.

'This is a nice flat,' Naomi eventually directed at Emily, something which she didn't realise until the blonde had begun staring back at her.

'Sorry, what did you say?'

'Nice flat.'

'Oh right, yes, Alice has a lovely flat. My room isn't much more than a bed at the moment, but it's better than nothing.'

'When do I get to meet Alice?' Naomi questioned, her head tilting to the side.

'How about now, sweets?'

The brunette entered the room with her own glass of wine and a dazzling smile; she perched on the side of Emily's chair and introduced herself to both of their guests. Naomi's brow furrowed as she gave her a quick once over, with a very different result than when she did it to Emily. The crease that continued to deepen between her eyes made Emily's nerves even worse. She finished off her glass of Gin and hoped they were ready to eat.

'I'm Naomi,' she finally responded, her voice somewhat strained. 'This is Erin.'

'It's lovely to meet you both and especially you,' Alice said clearly to Erin, a huge smile on her face.

Naomi scowled, a look that didn't go unnoticed by Emily. Her nerves so controlling that she had to place both hands over her knees in order to stop them shaking. She took a deep breath and tried to enjoy the gleeful exchange between Erin and her housemate.

'Are we nearly ready to eat?' she croaked, attempting to drink from her empty glass.

'It can be ready now if you want to eat.'

'Yes,' Naomi and Emily both answered with a force that surprised them both. Emily glanced at Naomi, wanting to understand what was going on inside her head. When the blonde finally caught her eye, she looked away quickly, too scared to go through with full eye contact.

Once they'd sat around the table and they began consuming the food, there was an excuse not to talk. Erin gabbled away about poverty and all Emily could think was like mother like daughter. She longed to say something, to break the awkward silence that cropped up every time Erin took a break to eat. She gave Alice a stare; in an attempt to send SOS messages to her. Eventually her old friend took the hint and filled another lengthy silence.

'So, Naomi, Emily has yet to tell me what you do for work.'

'I work for an environment organisation,' Naomi responded, before shovelling food into her mouth.

'Sounds like it's very worthwhile.'

'It is,' Naomi replied shortly, before putting her fork down and returning the question. 'Emily hasn't told me anything about you.'

'I work in a gym, the one owned by Emily's dad.'

'Your dad has a,' Naomi began, looking surprised. Emily closed her eyes, wished for that moment to pass over without any trouble. 'I bet that has plenty of monetary rewards.'

Alice shrugged with a smile on her face, 'I get by.'

'All that electricity, I don't know why people need to use running machines or bike machines. Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy an actual bike or run on the street?'

She knew the conversation wasn't headed in a positive direction the second Naomi mentioned electricity, but the feisty, environmental Naomi reminded Emily of the first time she saw her again. Stood in the supermarket shouting at someone about eggs was probably the sexiest thing she'd ever seen Naomi do, standing her ground, supporting her cause. She wanted to pull her into her arms, press their lips together, push her tongue into Naomi's mouth and make love to her there and then on the kitchen table. Perhaps not there and then in front of a small child and her housemate, but the concept was still the same. Emily's cheeks flush and her mouth hung a little more agape than she would have liked.

'I agree,' Alice replied, a response that seemed to shock Naomi. 'At certain times of the year running down the street is a wonderful idea and I fully support the cycle to work campaigns currently in place. But I also know that on a rainy day in the middle of winter a lot of people don't want to run before work and after work it can get terribly dark.'

'Pure laziness,' Naomi muttered.

'It's not lazy to not want to get soaked in the hour before starting work, I'd rather society visit gyms and stay healthy than sit on the sofa an hour longer,' Alice rebuffed.

The two of them stared at each other, their eyes joined in what appeared to be a staring competition. Emily watched in mild discomfort as the two women in her life stood up for their causes, unfortunately for Emily, those causes clashed.

'Does anyone want anymore?' Emily asked, cutting up the final piece of lasagne into smaller chunks.

The heated discussion diffused and Emily served up the remaining food, thankful for a little peace as they sat eating in silence. Eventually Emily and Naomi slipped into the lounge whilst Erin helped Alice to clear the table. They sat side by side, Naomi's fingers automatically intertwining with Emily's, an act that only confused her.

'I like her,' Naomi announced after a few moments of silence had passed.

'You do?' the surprise not even hidden in Emily's voice.

Naomi nodded and wrapped her spare arm around Emily's shoulder, 'She's strong, confident and not afraid to stand up for what she believes in.'

'I thought you hated her,' Emily admitted.

'I might not agree with everything she said,' Naomi assured her. 'But everyone's different. She makes a good point about people going to gyms being better than them spending an extra hour on the sofa.'

The sentence disappeared into a kiss as Emily's lips captured Naomi's quickly, it didn't take long for her to respond and their heads moved together, their hands wrapping themselves up as one. When they pulled away again a smile grew on both their faces. Kissing Naomi was still like a dream, something she expected to not be happening and only be inside her head. When she never awoke, it only made her smile grow further.

'Thanks,' Emily whispered, kissing Naomi's cheek.

'What for?'

'For accepting that Alice isn't going to jump me.'

'Who said she would?' Naomi asked with a raised brow.

'Nobody,' Emily muttered, settling into her girlfriends arms.

The door buzzer sliced through the conversation, ringing through the whole apartment until Alice answered the door phone. Emily watched her stood in the kitchen doorway as she listened intently to the person on the other end before hanging up. Then her eyes landed on Emily and the look of panic was easily readable.

'What?'

'That was Katie, I would have told her I was busy, but you know your sister. Someone opened the door; she'll be up here in a minute.'

A lump rose up in Emily's throat until she suspected she was about to cry. She stared at Alice, begging for her help. Then Naomi's hand pulled her away, the gentle, caressing feeling of Naomi's fingers resting on her upper arm.

'Everything'll be okay,' Naomi assured her, kissing her cheek and running a finger along the side of her face.

Everything didn't feel like it would be okay. Her two worlds were about to collide and there was nothing she could do about it. Anticipation for the worst felt like a brick resting on her heart, forcing its sides to tear and ache under the pressure.

Then the knock on the door echoed through the apartment.

**Author Note****: Reviews please, they only take 30 seconds...**


	24. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews this week, I'm sorry if I didn't manage to reply to them all, I really should do that more often. It is impossible to do with anonymous reviews obviously, but you guys really do all make my day, so thank you to all of you! I think we're reaching the climax soon, I can feel it, for the first time in a while. I hope you enjoy and don't forget to press that little comment button at the bottom. :)**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

The anticipation of what was to come was neither wanted nor needed. The thought of what could happen, of how much Katie could potentially find out in only a few short moments petrified Emily to no end. The door, still closed, felt more like a gateway to hell than what it was. Katie, with her usual flair of persistence, knocked again, this time louder.

'Wait,' Emily warned Alice, before kneeling in front of Erin. 'Hey you, why don't you go into my bedroom, I'm pretty sure there's as Tesco bag with a packet of chocolate buttons inside. I bet your mummy wouldn't mind you having a treat.'

Naomi smiled and ushered her daughter towards the bedroom door that Emily held open.

'I'll come and get you soon,' she assured her. 'Stay in here.'

'But why?' Erin asked, dolefully.

'You've never met my sister Katie,' Emily smiled. 'Sometimes she likes to shout and I think it wouldn't be very nice for you to hear.'

Once the bedroom door had been closed fully, Alice glanced at Emily, her eyes questioning whether she should open the door. Emily nodded, taking a long, deep breath as the door opened slowly. She slipped her fingers out of Naomi's hand, which had become interlinked.

'Sorry,' she whispered, guiltily.

'Alice,' Katie squealed on entry to the apartment, her arms wrapped tightly around the brunette's shoulders until she'd almost fallen over.

The situation, despite growing tenser by the second, felt less so when Emily could ignore her sister's presence. She watched Katie's leg flick up behind her before landing back on the floor; her back constantly to Emily and Naomi. What she would have given to feel Naomi's fingers comforting her, making her feel like for the first time in her life, she wasn't actually alone. But even the thought of doing so created a sickness in the pit of her stomach.

'Why haven't we seen you in forever?' Katie asked, stepping backwards and giving Alice the quick once over. 'You look well good; can tell you still work for dad.'

Alice smiled and attempted to guide the older twin towards the lounge, 'Your pops wants all his staff looking like everyone else wants to, gives them a goal. Drink?'

'In a minute,' Katie answered, slipping out from Alice's contact in order to turn around towards Emily. 'Where's Em? Oh, there you are. Why the fuck didn't you tell me you moved out? Why did I have to hear it off mum who heard it off dad who apparently came around here to help? And living with Alice, since when were you back in contact again? Oh.'

Katie's eyes moved, along with her hands, as quickly as her voice until she caught sight of Naomi stood beside her sister. It didn't take longer for her to recognise who was there, listening in to her conversation with her sister. Emily's hands grew sweaty to the point of having to wipe her fingers across her jeans, not that it did much good. When Katie was non-the-wiser she felt less on edge, though still a little. Now that she was staring Naomi down, with her old death-stare, Emily wondered how long it would take for her chest to explode.

'What's she doing here?' she asked, turning to Emily, then Alice in turn.

'She came for dinner,' Alice answered as soon as it became obvious that Emily was unable to say anything.

'Why?'

As long as Emily could remember, Katie asked a lot of questions. Why is the sky blue? Why does daddy go to the toilet standing up? Where do babies come from? What are the bumps on older girls chests called? Why can't I have breasts? When will I start my period? Why? Why? Why? The first year of their lives was probably the quietest and only because Katie didn't know how to speak. Once she learnt mum, dad and duck she shouted them around the house constantly. Somehow, Emily remembered her doing so. Why Katie chose the word duck she would never know, but part of her wondered if perhaps it was in training for when they turned twelve and her favourite word became fuck. It took Emily two extra years to speak. For the majority of her third year of life, Rob and Jenna took her to countless specialists hoping to find out why their little girl couldn't communicate the same as everyone else. It took about twelve months for them to discover that Emily didn't talk because she didn't need to. In actual fact, Emily did talk; she talked to herself when she played with her dolls on the rare occasions Katie wasn't around. Really, she had a larger concept of language and communication than Katie did. She'd just already given up her right to make decision the day Katie responded with 'I want a coke and Emsy wants a lemonade, so we can have some of each' when their dad asked them what they wanted to drink one Sunday.

'Why not?' Naomi asked, with a roll of her eyes.

'I wasn't fucking talking to you, what the fuck is she doing here?' Katie barked, her lip curled up like a dog snarling at an unwelcomed stranger.

'I, I,' Emily stuttered, her voice evaporating into thin air.

In the stress of being stood facing the impending situation, Emily's hand had slipped into Naomi's where it continued to lie. She so desperately wanted to remove it, to take away all proof that she needed Naomi at that moment despite it potentially costing her everything. Yet no matter how hard she willed her fingers to untangle themselves, or begged her arm to move, she had become paralysed.

'I said what the fuck are you doing here you dyke?' Katie snapped, squaring up to Naomi as though ready to fight.

The close proximity didn't push Emily away from Naomi, in actual fact it made her twist, clutching Naomi's upper arm with her other hand in a protective manner. The desire to keep Naomi safe overran the desperate need she'd always had to keep her secret just that. It was in that moment, as Katie's nose sat less than an inch from Naomi's, that Emily realised the truth. She couldn't move from Naomi's side because part of her wanted to get caught. The stress of being in the closet had been minimal for too many years, now she had a reason to escape her nightmare; she had fought even harder to protect her secret. When really what she wanted more than anything was to be free. She was scared, petrified even, of her sister's reaction and she would never find the words to just tell her, so her only hope was to slip up and let Katie catch them. And stood with Naomi's hand gently caressing her own was the right amount of care she needed to realise that she _wasn't_ alone.

'Watch your mouth, she's _my_ friend,' Alice responded. 'I asked Naomi to come over and meet my new housemate.'

Lies. Words that should have been everything she needed to happen instead became the bolt that trapped her in the cage once more. The door had been held open and her chance to escape made clear. Until Alice closed it in her face and locked it tightly. Naomi looked mortified, so much so that she removed her hand, becoming the spit that caked her face. She had become a public mockery. Not only had she been unable to make her secret clear to her sister, but everyone around her expected it. They knew she'd never been strong enough and now they assumed she couldn't cope.

The opportunity had been ripped away, torn to shreds and filed away under the word 'failure'. No going back, no redoing the moment. She couldn't do it now, not without the protective hand showing her the way.

'You fucking twat,' Katie snapped at Naomi before turning to Alice with fire in her eyes. 'Since when have you been friends with her?'

'Katie,' Alice tried, only to have her words cut off abruptly.

'You think she's going to be any different than when we were in school?' Katie snarled towards Emily, blanking Naomi. 'Don't get caught up with her sort again.'

'Her sort?' Naomi scoffed, her fists clenched.

'You'd better watch your mouth Katie Fitch,' Alice reprimanded. 'I punished you when you were a child and I'll do it again. I won't have you speaking to my guest, or anyone, like that.'

The ground breaking up and swallowing Emily would have been preferred at that very moment. When anyone shouted as angrily as Katie did, Emily felt uneasy and on the verge of tears. Right then was no different. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, hoping that somehow Katie would stop shouting and allow them to carry on with their lives.

'You're taking her side?' Katie asked, her eyes bugged as she stared at Alice.

'It's my fault Naomi's here, not Emily's. Grow up Katie, stop acting like the spoilt brat you always thought you were,' Alice announced, her voice growing louder than Katie's in order to grasp her attention.

In that moment Emily's tentative heart began to settle, a warmth filled her bones until she found a way to smile once more. She looked to Alice, grateful for her taking Katie down a peg or two. She considered her options again, there weren't many really. Another family meal with Jonah was probably on the cards, significant actually, in order to throw them off the scent. Just in case. Now she'd lost her confidence, it was dead and buried. Living with Alice had suddenly become infinitely more uncomfortable. For all she knew, Katie could turn up at any time demanding to see Alice. Then again, she'd turned up at the old flat demanding to see her and somehow had avoided any mess. Not that she had any mess for Katie to find. Emily had finally seen just how complicated it was having a relationship in secret.

'Yeah,' Emily supported, finally finding her mouth still functioned. 'I didn't know they knew each other, it was a surprise for me.'

The words felt sour on her lips, words which she knew were worse than lies. Not only had she refused to tell her sister the truth, but she'd also denied the existence of the person she was in love with. Not that Naomi realised she loved her, but that didn't matter. The look of devastation filling her was enough to bring tears to anyone's eyes. Emily rubbed the edge of her eye in the hope of eradicating the tears that were threatening to fall.

'I should go,' Naomi mumbled, coldly. She turned around and headed for Emily's bedroom. 'Erin, home time.'

'Erin?' Katie asked with a disgusted look on her face. 'Is she your girlfriend?'

Naomi stopped and turned, her teeth gritted together as she stepped closer to Katie. They hadn't seen each other since they were about thirteen. That wasn't what bothered Emily, it was merely the fact that neither of them seemed to have warmed to each other in their years apart. Even though she was too scared to tell her family that Naomi was her girlfriend, that didn't stop her hoping that one day they would all get along fine. What happened next only made her doubt that hope further.

'You might be able to intimidate me at twelve, but you will not speak to me like that,' Naomi snapped, her voice low, her mouth inches from Katie's ear. 'You think you're funny? Erin is my four year old daughter, if you say anything like that in front of her I'll fucking smack you.'

'Daughter?'

Naomi disappeared into the bedroom, closely followed by Emily. She didn't care what it looked like; she couldn't let Naomi leave without speaking to her, alone. She needed to apologise, to explain Katie's actions away; she needed to do something to make everything better. What she really wanted to do was wrap her fingers up in Naomi's hair and nibble gently on her bottom lip, whilst her hands slipped caressingly into the front of her clothes. She couldn't do that, not with her sister outside the room and especially not with the little girl lay on her bed with chocolate around her mouth.

'Hurry up Erin,' Naomi snapped. 'Didn't you hear me shouting?' 

'Naomi, wait,' Emily attempted, her chest heaving with a heavy breath. 'Don't go, please.'

'I understand that you can't tell them Emily,' Naomi replied. 'But I can't be there when you stand there and lie to her face. And I can't fu…dging do it when you have your friends covering for you.'

'I didn't ask her to do that.'

She wouldn't ask anyone to lie for her, least not someone who had done nothing but nice things for her all of her life. Naomi continued to look unimpressed, her head moving side to side in disapproval. An insurmountable panic rose up inside of her and she couldn't bear the thought of what it could mean. Losing Naomi was the last thing she wanted. She wasn't sure lying to your sister in front of your girlfriend was considered bad enough to lose someone, but she wasn't thrilled about finding out.

'You didn't need to Emily,' Naomi growled. 'Erin, get up and put your coat on.'

The little girl's face creased up in a similar way to Naomi's, her blue eyes shrunk to slits and filled with tears before the sobs could be heard. Naomi knelt on the floor, wrapping her hands around her daughter's cheeks. Emily watched her apologies, several in quick succession as she kissed the little girl's cheek.

'Mummy's just a bit angry, but not at you. _Never_ at you.'

'What about me?' Emily asked, wiping away a couple of fresh tears that fell from her eyes. 'Are we okay?'

Naomi stood up, walking towards her. For a moment, Emily expected to be slapped across the face, she wasn't sure why, she'd hardly cheated on her. In the end Naomi cupped her cheeks in a similar way as she had done to Erin, her thumbs wiped the fresh tears before she pressed a couple of gentle kisses against her lips.

'I hope so.'

Before she could do anything, or say anything in response, Naomi had already opened the door and was pulling Erin along behind her. All Emily wanted to do was curl up in her bed and cry. Unfortunately she could still hear Katie outside the door. She took one final glance at Naomi as she disappeared out the front door. Then her whole attention was stolen by Katie's voice at top notch.

'I can't believe you just turned like that.'

'I've always been gay Katie,' Alice explained. 'Since before I started working for your pops.'

'Then why didn't we know?'

'Your mum. You know what she's like; it sounds like she's not changed that much.'

Entering the room, Naomi's presence seemed to be the last thing on Katie's mind as she stared at Emily with a questioning expression.

'Can you believe she's lied to us all these years Emily, when dad said you were living with her I was so surprised. You're not sleeping together are you?'

Unfortunately any worry of her sexuality being discovered was only short lived. Her knees buckled and if it wasn't for the doorframe, she suspected she'd have fallen to the floor already. Her fingernails dug into the paper covering the wall.

'What?' she croaked, any progress made had been completely eradicated. ''Course not' 

'No Katie,' Alice took over, sending a worried expression in Emily's direction before placing an arm around Katie's shoulder. 'I feel more like family and besides why would I be with Emily? I hear she's already got some charming young man.'

'Not sure if charming is the word,' Katie replied, somewhat calmer than before, as Alice guided her through to the lounge. 'Isn't that right ems?'

Emily followed at a distance, reluctantly. 'Erm, no, he's nice.'

**Author Note****: Reviews please, for everyone other than JM, they only take 30 seconds... ;P**


	25. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and read the last chapter. Another busy week, but here we are, somehow managed to feel less ill than I was earlier today in order to write this. It's amazing how therapeutic Naomily can be! :D Enjoy!**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

The wood collided with Emily's knuckles as she wrapped them against the door. After waiting for a couple of minutes, listening intently for the sound of someone walking down the hallway, she tried again. But to no avail. She slipped her phone from her pocket and checked for messages; none. Then she pressed the call button and rang Naomi's number for the third time that morning. Once again the call went directly to voicemail and Emily hung up. She leant against the door, frustration causing a heaved sigh to fall from her slightly parted lips.

'Where are you?' she muttered, tapping her fingers against the door behind her.

The night before had ended completely opposite to how she'd expected and even after a few more drinks with Katie and Alice, her worries about the issue with Naomi hadn't been resolved. She couldn't imagine how it would ever be resolved when she didn't foresee herself telling Katie the truth. As she stood against the door her eyes wandered across the front garden; the untidy lawn, the plants that overflowed and litter the nearby school children had probably dropped on their way home. She stepped down from the porch onto the grass; thick, long stems reached up to her ankles like a jungle reaching high above a realistic height. The litter was easily removed, as were the weeds that came right out. After she'd created a pile of rubbish on the concrete slabs of the driveway, she spotted a pile of abandoned gardening tools by the front door.

The bush that separated the garden with the neighbour's was beginning to look a little less wild when a voice rang out across the lawn.

'What are you doing?'

She turned quickly, her lips curled up at the sides when she caught sight of the beautiful blonde she was lucky enough to call her own. She hoped she could still call her that. The deer in the headlights look didn't come across well, she could sense it in the way Naomi's eyebrows creased.

'I said, what are you doing?'

'I wanted to see you,' she whispered, dropping the rusted secateurs on the ground.

'You're gardening,' Naomi noted.

'I,' Emily began, not quite sure how to respond to such a statement. 'It needed doing.'

'Maybe we wanted to keep it as it was.'

'Oh,' Emily's eyes filled with tears and her chest became heavier with every breath. She couldn't stand the cold tone of Naomi's voice, the distance between them emotionally. Her voice croaked as she put it to use and found it hurt under the weight of her words. 'Sorry.'

'Erin, why don't you go into the lounge and watch a DVD,' Naomi requested of her little girl as she unlocked the front door.

'But it's not a weekend day.'

'It's alright,' she smiled. 'Special treat.'

Erin ran through the front door, her blonde hair whipping around as she excitably disappeared. Emily, half expected Naomi to disappear too, closing the door swiftly behind her. Instead she signalled for Emily to follow her inside. She'd come for a reason and she wasn't about to tamper with that now.

'Tea?' Naomi asked, filling the kettle and placing two cups in front of it.

'Sure.'

Four chairs sat closely around the table as they so often did. Usually when Emily was at Naomi's she felt comfortable sitting down, disturbing the symmetry. Now she couldn't bear to touch any of the chairs. Once the tea had finished brewing Naomi unlocked the back door and took her cup into the yard. Emily followed, unsure of how best to act. She hovered in the doorway, sipping on her tea and watching Naomi light up a cigarette.

'Why did you come?' Naomi asked.

'I needed to talk to you, to explain.'

'What's there to explain?'

'I wasn't sure how we left it,' Emily murmured, unable to disguise the worry in her voice. 'I wanted you to know.'

'Know what?' Naomi spoke with a soft, yet steely tone. 'That you can't handle coming out?'

'What do you want me to say?' Emily asked, wiping a tear from her cheek. 'I don't always know why I do the things I do, but I do them anyway.'

'So that makes it okay?'

'No.'

Nothing would ever make it all okay; she knew that, she knew that better than she knew anything else. Nothing was ever going to fix the mess she'd got herself into. She was the only person in control of the situation, in control of the tears that streamed down her face and yet, she couldn't seem to control them at all, just like she'd never been able to control what was happening.

'I don't want to lose you,' Emily cried.

'I never said you were going to lose me Emily, but there's only so much I can take.'

'I know,' she begged. 'I don't want to make this worse. How can I not make this worse?'

The cigarette burned quickly as Naomi breathed in the tobacco, the tip lit up brightly until she pulled the paper away from her mouth and let out a line of smoke.

'I don't have all the answers Emily,' Naomi snapped. 'Fuck's sake.'

'I'm sorry.'

'You've said that.'

The tea in her mug had turned lukewarm and tasteless; Emily wondered why she'd even got out of bed that morning. She'd woken with an expectation that going to Naomi's would solve everything, yet standing there, faced with a cold, harsh Naomi, her hopes were sorely dashed.

'I wanted to tell her Naomi,' she tried again. 'I was going to let it happen. I didn't want Alice to say she knew you, I didn't ask her to lie for me. She just did it and, well, I, I wish she hadn't. I wish Katie had seen our hands together and I wish everything was different. But it's not.'

'You still could have told her.'

'I was scared.'

Scared had become the understatement of the century, the millennium, even. Scared barely covered the depth of feeling she felt inside every time she contemplated telling her family the truth. What would they think? They were close as a family, they could sit around laughing and joking and spending a day together wasn't the worst thing in the world. Well, separately. The countless weekends Emily spent kicking a football around with James and her dad. It wasn't the same with Jenna, it never had been. Katie was always the one to spend time with her, whilst Emily was considered a proper 'daddy's girl'. He'd once asked her about her love life, when they were sat in a car driving down a country road.

'_If there's any boy in your life, you can tell me…or girl.'_

The memory had been long since forgotten, she wasn't quite sure why it chose to surface at that very moment. She knew then almost as much as she knew now, yet she couldn't bear the thought of sharing something so personal. Katie might have been the type of person to come home and announce at the dinner table that she'd met a boy, but Emily wasn't.

'Scared? Let me tell you something about being scared,' Naomi looked up at her, taking a final drag on the cigarette before stubbing it out and throwing it into a plant pot. 'Try telling your three year old daughter what being gay means, that the children she was playing with couldn't come to our house anymore because her mummy likes to kiss girls. That I hit another child's mother for making all sorts of homophobic threats and ended up spending a night in a police cell. The world is full of fucking awful people Emily, people that think what we are, is wrong. I don't know what your family are like, if they're like Katie then I'm sorry, but sometimes people surprise you, sometimes you discover that the people you're most scared of telling are actually the most supportive. Being scared doesn't change the fact that you're gay, that you're in a relationship with a woman. Being scared doesn't stop you from being who you are.'

'You want me to tell my family just so we can be together,' Emily asked. 'Is that what you're saying?'

'No,' she shook her head. 'That's not what I'm saying. I wouldn't ask you to do something before you're ready. But there's only so many lies I can handle. If the thing with JJ hadn't happened then maybe I wouldn't be feeling like this, but it did.'

The fake relationship with Jonah had been the last thing on her mind as she stood with a half empty, cold mug of tea. Life had become set on fast forward and every event that had occurred in those few short weeks rolled into one, yet separated out as if they were months apart. She had no explanation, no resolution.

'I want us to start again,' Emily announced, finally discarding the cup on the worktop in the kitchen before moving to stand in front of Naomi. 'I want to take you to my lake.'

Naomi's head darted up, her eyes creased yet again. Her only response to the questioning expression on Naomi's face was to nod, to show her that she was serious in her offer. She knelt on the ground, took Naomi's hands into her own and forced their eyes to connect.

'There's so many things that scare me Naomi, but you, you're not one of them. Not anymore. I, I l, I want to, tonight, okay?'

'Okay.'

xxx

The lake remained calm under the setting sun, the trees blew gently in the breeze and Emily slipped her fingers around Naomi's as they stood side by side facing the water. They'd arrived a few minutes before carrying a blanket, a bag full of food and a bottle of vodka. When Naomi spotted the lake, she walked across the knotted earth and stood with her mouth agape.

'It's beautiful,' she muttered, smiling briefly at Emily.

'It's my favourite place.'

'I can see why.'

And there they stood, silently, together, looking out across the calm expanse of water. They had little to say to each other, to Emily's surprise. She expected to want to stand there telling Naomi everything, or have Naomi ask question after question. In the end the silence was enough and the soothing touch of Naomi's skin against her own.

'Fancy a dip?' Naomi's head tilted to the side and her lip tucked neatly beneath her tooth.

'Fuck yes,' Emily answered, surprising herself at how desperately she wanted to get in the water with Naomi by her side. Potentially naked.

Definitely naked, she realised once skin had been exposed on Naomi's shoulders. She stripped down to her underwear, each movement sending shivers down Emily's spine until she couldn't breathe. She'd forgotten how to breathe. Then Naomi slipped off her underwear and her white, round rump became visible for just a second until she splashed into the water. That's when Emily finally breathed out.

'Fuck,' she moaned, discarding her own clothes after Naomi shouted to her from the water.

Standing on the edge she stared into the great abyss, the water she'd loved to drown in, sinking to the bottom until there was no oxygen left in her lungs. She curled her toes round the edge of the bank, like they taught her to do in school swimming lessons before diving into the pool. Jumping into that lake wasn't simple, she knew that now. Perched on the edge she was faced with the reality of what she usually did. Her heart thumped hard against the inside of her chest and she struggled to breath once more.

'Come on Fitch,' Naomi splashed about. 'It's fucking freezing and if you don't come in soon I'm going to have to drag you in.'

Then she jumped, her feet slicing the water as she sunk further under the freezing cold liquid. Familiarity took over as she slipped to the very bottom, her legs crossing together until she sat on the dirt floor, her hands cupping a couple of stones to keep herself down. A pair of legs appeared in her line of sight, the musky water not enough to disguise Naomi's legs. Her body quickly reacted, remembering the real reason for her presence at the lake, allowing her the freedom to move back to the top. When her head popped out of the water, Naomi stared at her in shock.

'Jesus, you were down there was a fucking long time,' she pointed out.

'I have a large lung capacity,' she smiled, swimming towards Naomi, where she splashed water into her face.

The water fight carried on for barely five minutes before the two of them got out of the water. Neither of them turned their back as their naked bodies, dripping wet, returned to dry land. She imagined pulling Naomi towards her, wrapping their naked bodies together and making love to her in the dirt, not caring that they were both covered from head to toe in the dusty soil.

'Let's eat,' Naomi announced, slipping her underwear and t-shirt back on before sitting on the blanket they'd laid down earlier.

Emily sat down beside her, now dressed, as they nibbled on snacks. She found herself more interested in watching Naomi eat and just stared in awe at the way Naomi's tongue moistened her lip where a patch of dip had stayed put. Hunger pains cramped her stomach, but she knew food wouldn't help.

'Are you okay?' Naomi asked, that genuine, full faced smile that so infrequently graced Naomi's face appeared and Emily couldn't have been happier.

'I want you,' she spoke slowly, her voice attempting to portray the love she felt burning in her heart.

The food in Naomi's hands was discarded back onto a plate as they edged closer, sliding along on their knees until they could touch each other. Emily's fingers wrapped around Naomi's head, the hair tickling the sides of her fingers as she took hold of the girl she loved. Naomi's tongue was already out of her mouth in anticipation for the kiss, their mouths fit perfectly as they shared the same breath. Her heart beat quickly in her chest and adrenaline sent her whole body into rapid movements.

'Christ,' Naomi groaned when Emily's fingers traced the outline of her t-shirt, sliding along the sensitive patch of skin on her spine until Naomi's body shuddered in reaction.

'You're all that matters to me,' Emily whispered into her ear, between kisses that followed the line along her collarbone.

The blanket's soft material squashed into the dirt by Emily's hands until she'd forced Naomi into submission, lay down on her back awaiting Emily's touch. She slipped the shirt from her head and kisses travelled down the tender skin of her breasts, teeth nibbling, fingers clawing at her shoulders. The soft moaning coming from Naomi provoked similar sounds from Emily, the sensations emulated by Naomi's equally skin tingling touch.

'Mine,' Naomi muttered, wrapping her whole body around Emily's, pushing her thigh up between Emily's legs and turning her over in one sudden movement.

The pressure against her skin sent her body skyrocketing, her emotions filling her to the brim. She almost couldn't stand it when Naomi's mouth teased and played with her sensitive body, yet she couldn't imagine anything else. They teased, kissing and touching every which way they possibly could without pushing each other too far. Working each other up, then pulling away again, heightening the intensity with every single action.

Eventually, as the light began to disappear from the sky, they gave in to their desires. Emily's lips sucking and nibbling on Naomi's shoulder blade as she worked her magic. The gentle teasing of the sensitivity between her legs, mixed with a finger running teasingly along her thigh and Naomi's long, slender tongue exploring every inch of Emily's upper body. The final slither of light vanished into the darkness as Emily's fingers curled up in Naomi's hair, her tongue replacing fingers as she pushed Emily closer to the edge. Her breath caught up in her throat, soft moans getting faster and closer together until her whole body felt alive, tingling from the sensations pushed through her body until she reached her peak and her whole body shuddered, suspended in a feeling so strong she could barely handle it until it slowed, lessened and Naomi returned to her lips.

'I love you,' Emily gasped, between kisses as she turned Naomi over, slid her hand down Naomi's torso and began her act of passionate revenge.

**Author Note****: So...reviews please?**


	26. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thanks for the reviews, they mean the world to me knowing that you are all enjoying the story still. 18 days in a row I've done writing, that's quite an achievement for me, since last year I did very little in the later months. I can finally see this end of this story and really, it's not that far away.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

The blanket kept the chill from her shoulders as the light in the sky grew more intense with the arrival of a new day. Emily perched on the edge of a rock, her bare feet wriggled in the dusty soil, becoming covered in dirt. She rubbed her cold hands together and blew into them in the hope of finding some warmth. The lake's surface barely moved under the gentle gusts of wind and there she found peace with herself. The hectic events had all come to a head in one perfect night with the girl she loved. She turned towards her, her lips curled up into a smile when Naomi pushed herself up to her feet. Emily reached a hand out, which Naomi ignored, choosing, instead, to wrap both arms around her shoulders from behind, planting soft kisses against the nape of her neck.

'I was going to say last night,' Naomi muttered, kissing her neck again. 'But you rendered me speechless.'

'What?' Emily croaked out in her morning voice.

'I love you back.'

The smile already forged upon Emily's face intensified until her cheeks became numb. Then her lips were stolen in a number of more important kisses, followed by lips and tongue, slithering along her collarbone. A shiver moved rapidly down her spine like a cold draft.

'I really fucking love you,' Emily moaned, tipping her head backwards against Naomi's chest allowing the blonde's hair to tickle her skin.

'Your voice is so fucking sexy in the morning, have I ever told you that?'

'I'm not sure,' Emily whispered, closing her eyes. 'Tell me again.'

'You, are, fucking, sexy,' Naomi repeated as she continued to kiss the sensitive skin leading up to her ear.

Emily pulled the blanket away from her left side, opening it up far enough for Naomi to perch beside her on the rock and be enveloped by the warm material and body heat. Naomi's head angled against Emily's shoulder and there they sat, watching a bird dive towards the water, a rabbit hop on the far bank and the sun shine down on their perfect morning.

'How was it?' Naomi asked, drawing circles across Emily's palm which she held between her hands. 'Visiting this place.'

Emily sighed, pausing for a moment before she opened her mouth to speak. 'It's a beautiful place and I guess I never remember that. I only used to think about it in a negative way.'

'And now?'

'Now, Emily muttered, snaking her fingers between Naomi's. 'I have a reason to believe in life. All of this, it's exactly what I needed. This place, it's where my secrets are kept, where my love is and where I can be with you in my world, without anybody else knowing.'

'Come to mine tonight,' Naomi spoke, her voice barely a whisper as she chewed on her bottom lip. 'You, me, mum, Erin, maybe even Cook; we can have dinner.'

'I can't.'

A meal with Naomi's family, spending time together in Naomi's life, it was everything she wanted. They were together, which meant family meals and meeting the parents; officially, properly, as the woman who is in love with the daughter. Only, all she could think about was Rob and Jenna and Katie. Everyone together, sat down to a family meal with her own family, with Naomi by her side, until a plate is thrown across the room smashing above their heads. The number one Fitch-Bitch throwing her weight around until not only Naomi had been thrown out of the house, but Emily too, with a bag of her belongings. Not that she even lived there.

'I need to go round to Jonah's; hopefully he'll agree to another family dinner to make everything okay again.'

Naomi tensed up beside her, the grip of her hand on Emily's loosened and her eyes creased in the centre, confused, betrayed.

'Okay again? I thought it was want to continue pretending JJ is your boyfriend?'

'Well, yeah,' Emily replied, confused by Naomi's negative response. 'If I don't, mum and Katie will continue trying to set me up with men. I can't handle that.'

'_You_ can't handle it?' Naomi scoffed. 'What about me?'

'What about you?'

For years Emily had to face her family's constant blind dates and set ups. She did it long before Naomi and if the unthinkable happened, she imagined she'd be doing it long after her too. How Naomi fit into that was neither here nor there. She couldn't understanding Naomi's reaction.

'You're planning on seeing JJ behind my back again.'

'It's not behind your back,' she corrected, how could it be? She was trying to be honest.

'Like fuck it's not,' Naomi snapped, whipping the blanket away from her and walking along the side of the lake.

'Why are you acting like this?' Emily asked, dropping the blanket and following her. 'I told you about it, so that you know.'

She couldn't understand how relationships worked sometimes. There were the times when she did things that Naomi didn't like but when she tried to do the right thing and fix them, she was also doing the wrong thing. She couldn't win.

'You told me so I could know?' Naomi glared into her eyes, looking at Emily as though she didn't even know her.

A lump formed in the back of Emily's throat, she begged it not to surface, to stay exactly where it was. It hurt, really fucking hurt to keep it there, on the edge. But she couldn't cry, she couldn't show how much Naomi's anger was hurting her.

'Fucking hell Emily,' Naomi barked, her head moving from side to side. 'Sometimes you're this amazing, mature woman who I've fallen in love with and other times you act like a child who has no clue. Christ.'

'I don't understand.'

She really didn't, couldn't understand what was happening. All she did was mention Jonah, inform Naomi about her actions so that they didn't backfire and hurt her again. She couldn't bear the thought of Naomi thinking she'd cheated on her all over again. As it turned out, she couldn't even be honest without it causing a problem. That's what confused her the most.

'No,' Naomi sighed, throwing things into her bag and marching up the embankment. 'You never do.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'I have responsibilities, if you can't be a fucking grown up in this relationship then what is the fucking point?' Naomi muttered before carrying on along the road.

'No, no, Naomi,' Emily called after her, rushing along behind, the lump battling with her to surface. 'Don't do this.'

'Don't do what? You're the one fucking with my head; I had enough of that in college.'

Tears began to fall and her whole world crashed down around her ears. Everything slowed down until Naomi wasn't marching away, but walking slowly, her words repeated as though someone had played them on a slow motion video. She could barely breathe under the weight of her heart crushing in her chest.

'I don't understand what I've done,' she cried, wiping the tears from her cheeks, a losing battle as they came down faster. 'Please Naomi, help me understand.'

'But you don't. You can't. Christ, Emily, I'm a parent, I have a child to think about. Right now she's my priority.'

A feeling of panic rose up inside of her body, causing her foot to tap nervously and her cheeks to flush. The tears barely subsided, in fact they grew worse. She stood in the middle of the country lane watching Naomi walk away and there wasn't much she could do about it. How could she explain what she needed to say without making things worse? Then her mouth opened and words came out and no matter how much she knew they weren't the right thing to say, she couldn't stop them.

'So I lose out because of your daughter?'

'No Emily,' Naomi turned, walking back towards her with fury burning in her eyes. 'You're not losing out because of my daughter; she's four. Don't act like she's the fucking problem. Erin is my life, everything I have ever done I have done for her. Don't you fucking dare bring her into this like she's some pawn in a fucking game.'

Choking back further tears, Emily closed her eyes and clutched the painful thumping underneath her breasts. 'But, I don't know what's happened.'

'Jesus Christ, Emily, do I have to spell it out in fucking black and white?'

'Yes.'

She needed more than just the mess they'd got into explaining, she needed everything. Every fucking part of being in a relationship frightened her and worried her. She couldn't breathe sometimes just thinking about how to be a girlfriend, how to be in a gay relationship, how to be herself with someone who allowed her to be. She couldn't handle the pressure, the stress of having to be in control. It was like learning to drive; when she first sat in the car she was petrified of doing something wrong and crashing. But the instructor was there, she knew how to make it easier, just by guiding her. She needed guidance, she needed to be able to not think about things and up until then, Naomi had been happy to lead her.

'I can't be with someone who can't be in a proper, adult relationship.'

'But I can be,' she begged, taking hold of Naomi's wrist.

'No,' Naomi scoffed, throwing her off as her own emotions got the better of her. 'You can't. I thought you could, I thought last night was going to be the start of things being better. But you fucked it up. Adult relationships don't involve a fucking pretend boyfriend to keep the parents out of the gay loop. Don't you see? You can't pretend to be with JJ and have me. I won't do it to myself and I won't do it to my child.'

'But I love you...and Erin.'

'You barely know Erin.'

For the first time in the argument Emily found herself growing angry. She'd tried; she's fought hard to be the best she could be, despite feeling completely lost. And yet there she was being told she was crap at it. It reminded her of an old teacher in primary school, when her and Katie had tried to learn the flute. Katie seemed to take to it like a duck to water, but Emily kept making mistakes. Instead of helping her see how to do things right, the teacher just shouted at her and told her what she did wrong. One lesson she's got annoyed and accidentally swore at her and that was the end of learning the flute. She begged herself not to make the same mistakes again. The banging in her chest moved to her head and an ache formed somewhere around her temple, she rubbed the side of her forehead.

'Whose fault is that?' she snapped back.

'Don't turn this around on me, for fuck's sake. I introduced you to her, that's more than I've ever done with anyone I've dated.'

'Really?'

The verbal kick in the teeth knocked her for six; the tears had slowed allowing the headache to take hold of her body. If she could have been anywhere else right then she would have opted for that in a heartbeat; even if it was dinner at her parents.

'If you can't be grown up about our relationship, how can I let you be in her life? How can I trust that you won't fuck things up again later down the line? You told me you love me last night and I know how big that is for you, but you can't seem to understand how big that is for me too.'

'I do,' she cried out, a fresh course of tears streaming down her face.

'Do you? I really don't think you do Emily,' Naomi mumbled, finally walking away again.

The further away she got, the harder it was to watch her. Emily couldn't handle to pain in her head mixed with the ultimate panic controlling her body. She couldn't handle the thought of life without the one person that made it better.

'Naomi, don't; please, don't go. I need you.'

She turned, one final time, walking backwards along the lane. 'I need you too, but maybe right now I don't want you. Not like this.'

Then the lane went uphill and Naomi disappeared in the distance, leaving Emily standing there, alone.

**Author Note****: Exhausted from writing that...please review.**


	27. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Two in twenty-four hours? Think that is a record for me since about this time last year! Thank you sooo much to everyone who has reviewed, I know the last chapter, things with Emily were a bit blah, but I hope you'll understand. Not everyone knows how to handle relationships and I think that can really send people back into a more childish state, sometimes. Hope you enjoy, this chapter is one I'm very proud of. There were some times when I didn't think I'd get to this place, seeing the end, feeling it on the horizon, just over the dip in the road, but it's coming and it feels wonderful. Please review.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Red blotches covered her cheeks where tears had fallen and dried unevenly upon her cheeks. She rubbed them hard in the hope it would remove them, then she spat into her hands and pressed her fingers against her eyes. The cool moisture was a relief from the warmth her tears and panic had created. She knew they wouldn't be cleansed of the pain that had been shed, that her face would still be an awkward pink and her eyes would be particularly puffed up. The door of the flat stood as a barrier to what she needed and what she feared; comfort, yet questions, her bed, yet someone to see that she wasn't okay. Eventually her weary legs moved enough to get her to the door, which she unlocked with a struggle. Tears still hovered on the edges of her eyes, blurring her vision enough to cause her problems. When the key card landed on the floor a couple of drops escaped her lids, splashing onto the wooden panels before she righted herself and managed to get the door to open.

'Ems?' a voice squealed, followed by footsteps that came closer. Katie. She rushed as fast as she could into her bedroom, pushing the door shut behind her sister. She could still hear Katie's voice disappearing back into the living area when she slid to the floor, a dead weight against the back of her bedroom door. 'Fine, be like that.'

The room appeared smaller than usual, the walls closing in from all sides. Emily clutched her head, pulling it down into her lap until she'd blocked out everything around her. Her arms covered her ears, muffling the conversation going on outside her door. The sound became more like an echo before a door closed and a gentle knock sounded above her head. She stayed still, attempted to stop herself from shaking long enough to pretend she wasn't even there.

'Emily,' Alice's voice travelled beneath the wooden doorframe. 'I'm sorry Katie was here, we were just clearing the air after the other day. I sent her home, she said you looked upset.'

The door handle creaked as it turned down, before the door began to shake, as Alice attempted to open it. Emily wiped her fresh tears and slid across to the bare wall. Within a minute the door was open and Alice was searching the room.

'Oh Emily,' she sighed upon noticing her. She knelt to the floor, sat down beside her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

'I'm such a fucking mess.'

'Sweets, you're a beautiful, caring, young woman with a wonderful girlfriend,' Alice stated, cupping her face with one hand and wiping her tears with the other. 'What do you have to be so upset about?'

'I made a mistake,' she cried, staring up into Alice's dark eyes.

Emotions got the better of her and Emily began to sob again, each sob stuck between a breath, that she struggled to get out. Her uneven heaves caused Alice's eyes to narrow in her direction as Emily mumbled half words.

'Shh,' Alice pacified, stroking her cheeks with a comforting gentleness.

Everything with Naomi had become so difficult, so complicated. All she ever wanted was an easy life where she could be someone others could love and yet she sat on her bedroom floor, being comforted by the only real friend she'd ever had. As she stared into Alice's eyes she found warmth, friendship and love. Her heart swelled and she stopped struggling to breathe, her eyebrows creased as she stared deeply at Alice. Maybe she could feel something for two people at once, maybe she didn't need to bother with the pain that her relationship with Naomi had caused, maybe, just maybe, things could be different, in a new way. She moved forwards, her lips ready, her tongue moved lightly over her bottom lip. The world appeared to slow and everything around her blurred into nothingness. She cared about Alice, maybe she even loved her. Then the space between them disappeared, her mouth was pursed, ready to embrace another's.

'Fuck,' she sobbed, lowering her head into her hands before their lips could even meet. '_No_, that's the last fucking thing I need, want. I want Naomi, I need Naomi. I love her and she loves me.'

How could she get things so wrong? Not just with Naomi, but with Alice too. Yes, she loved her. But she was _in_ love with Naomi. Alice had always been a good friend and that was where her love for her stood. Naomi was her life; she was the blood running through her veins, the heart thumping in her chest and the tears that made her want to throw herself in the lake at that very moment.

'It's okay, Emily,' Alice assured her, sitting further away, yet her hand still rubbed her upper arm. Always a comforting touch; ever since she was a little girl she'd remembered going to Alice instead of her father at the gym, after all, she had magic hands.

'No it's not, I nearly fucking kissed you. You've been nothing but nice to me and I nearly fucked everything up. Everything else up.'

'It's okay, Emily,' Alice repeated. 'You _didn't_ kiss me, that's what matters. You're upset, you're struggling. But you know what's right and what's wrong.'

'What's wrong,' she echoed, narrowing her eyes in thought. 'I'm such a fucking tit, I told Naomi I loved her then told her I'd keep on lying to my family and take Jonah round for dinner. Why did I do that? That's fucking stupid.'

Why didn't she see before just how pathetic the whole thing was? She'd broken Naomi's heart, repeatedly, all because she couldn't see what was so blindingly obvious to every other human being. No wonder Cook had been so mad and Naomi, she had every right to never want to see her again.

'I don't know why you did it.'

The soft, gentle tone of Alice's voice soothed her head. The headache had returned, a headache she knew was caused by the repeated spilling of tears. She didn't say much, but what she did say mattered, it made a difference. She couldn't quite explain, though Alice repeating what she herself originally thought, only made it clearer in her mind.

'But I _did_ it,' she stated, rubbing her temples. 'And now Naomi hates me.'

'I thought she told you she loves you?'

'She did.'

_She loves me._ The last twenty four hours had been one big mess of good and bad moments that seemed to intermingle. Separating them, clearing them up from the disaster that had been her mouth was growing easier with every passing minute.

'Then I don't think she hates you,' Alice's lips curled into a smile, lips she thought about kissing, for one stupid moment that could have risked her whole relationship.

There was a thin line between love and hate; the first moment Emily saw Naomi she didn't really feel either. There wasn't love and there wasn't hate, there was just, intrigue. It felt like a lifetime ago that she saw Naomi in the supermarket shouting at the young man unpacking the eggs.

'No,' she confirmed. 'But right now she doesn't want me.'

'Did she say that?'

Emily nodded, standing up and taking a face wipe from the top of a box. She wiped her face, analysed her blotched cheeks in a mirror that sat on top of another box. The face staring back at her had become a stranger's. Not only did she have no idea why she acted the way she did, thinking that seeing Jonah again would be okay, she also had no idea who the brown haired, messy looking girl was who stared back. She'd lost herself whilst trying to find out who she was and now she regretted it.

She didn't regret meeting Naomi, how could she? Despite them being difficult weeks, they were also some of the greatest in her entire life. When she was with Naomi she _knew_ who she was, she didn't need to think, she could just be and that was the most freeing thing. Quitting her job had put her into a limbo where she couldn't even see the good in her life, before then, she was just hovering somewhere in between. Now it was as though someone had slapped her hard and she'd woken up, realised that the life she had tried to change was still no life at all. That the relationships she was trying to form, as an adult, were the first relationships she'd ever made on her own and by choice. And most importantly, that she was still acting like someone else held all the cards that she only got to make suggestions about playing.

Naomi was the first good thing she had ever had. Thinking about her made her stomach curl up in knots and her heart beat faster. When she wasn't by her side she wanted to be and when she was, she couldn't think of anything else. She didn't know Erin very well but she already loved her enough to want to be in her life, to want to kiss her grazed knees and pick her up from school, to help her with her homework and be an extra parent.

That wasn't to say she wasn't still scared, petrified even, of everything that was happening to her. How could she be a friend, a girlfriend, a parent, when she could barely look after herself? She didn't have all of the answers and she imagined there were still many mistakes to make. Staring at the girl she didn't know in the mirror made her see, that for the first time in her life, she was _ready_ to take a step forward.

'Emily?'

She turned to Alice, her eyes bugged with realisation and surprise at being pulled from her thoughts. She smiled, for the first time in hours.

'You look puzzled, sweets.'

'I'm thinking.'

She paused, as though about to say more. Only, instead of speaking she replaced the small amount of make-up that had washed off in the great flood. She pulled the top she'd been wearing from her body and slipped into another one.

'What about?' Alice asked.

'What?' she frowned, turning to Alice again before double checking her reflection.

'Emily, are you okay?'

Was she okay? How could she answer that? How could anyone be okay when their whole life had taken a nosedive and was hanging upside down on the edge of a cliff? She lifted a jacket off the top of a box and wrapped it around her shoulders, fastening a couple of buttons. Then she put one foot in front of the other and took her first steps.

'Emily?'

The bedroom door swung behind her, the front door was quickly opened and there the world waited for Emily Fitch to stand up and fight her corner. Finally the world would see that she'd had enough of being Katie Fitch's twin, Katie's puppet on strings.

'Emily, where are you going?' Alice called after her, standing in the doorway with concerned etched over her face.

'I'm going to do something I should have done a long time ago,' Emily grinned, slipping her keys into her pocket and running down the corridor.

**Author Note****: Exhausted again, but well worth it...reviews please.**


	28. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: I appear to be on a roll, we're really close to the finale. This chapter surprised me actually, I hadn't really planned it in my mind, but as I started to write it I had this brief vision which was completely changed, the characters changed it. I hope it's worth the wait.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Second thoughts ran through Emily's brain attempting to take control of her movement. She stopped running at the bottom of the stairs, her legs already weary and her heart racing from the lack of exercise. She walked fast until she reached a bus stop and set off on her journey. Having time to relax, to refocus herself, appeared to have a sobering effect. Everything she thought about doing, she'd considered at the height of her emotional breakdown, now reality was beginning to set in.

'What the fuck am I doing?' she groaned, ignoring the disapproving look from an elderly woman sitting two rows away.

Every judgement, every fear she'd ever felt pelted her like snowballs in a fight. One hit, then another, then another until her head hurt more and her body felt weary; wearier than normal. That was a surprise; the fighting against everything she was scared of had always been tiring. She assumed accepting the fears and fighting for what you want regardless would be easier. That wasn't to say it was the wrong thing. She couldn't let herself consider it as a mistake.

'Naomi,' she mumbled, taking her phone out of her pocket and dialling her number.

The drained, awkward tone of Naomi's voice broke her heart into pieces. She'd caused her sorrow, she knew it and she was powerless to stop it. The mistake had already been made. She feared telling her about the almost kiss, but she couldn't think about that now. Alice was her friend; she didn't feel anything for her. She'd always known that Alice was just friend; somehow, she'd just blurred the lines to fit with her confused heart.

'I need to see you.'

The only answer for a couple of minutes was heavy breathing. As much as Emily wanted to push for a response, she waited patiently for Naomi to speak, to hang up the phone, to do whatever it was she needed to.

'I don't think that's a good idea.'

Naomi went quiet again before there was a muffled conversation on the other end of the line. Emily stayed, waited as long as she needed to because for once, she couldn't act like everything was okay.

'Emily,' a second voice spoke without judgement, softly as though she needed to be spoken to with such calm.

'Gina?'

'This is really hard on her Emily; I think you need to give her some time. Okay, love?'

'No, Gina, please,' Emily argued, clutching the handle on the headrest of the seat in front. 'I need to see her; I'm going to do what she wants. No, not what she wants, what _I_ need to do. I'm going to come out; I'm going to make everything okay. I know I fucked up, I was so blind. I see now that I've hurt her, really hurt her and it was wrong. Please, I need you to make sure Naomi meets me.'

Coming out had been the bane of her existence, every thought in her head was affected by her sexuality, by her fear of her family knowing exactly who she was. She had been scared of how they might react, scared of how she might end up alone, scared of being in a relationship out in the open. But none of that mattered. She'd never even considered the real issue. How she felt. She was ready to be gay, ready to be a gay daughter, a gay sister, a gay fucking woman in a world full of straight people. Coming out wasn't about her family, it wasn't even about Naomi; it was about _her_ and nobody else.

'Wow,' Gina reacted. 'I'll see what I can do, text me where you want her to go. Good luck Emily.'

The phone call cut off leaving Emily with a silent bus, without distraction from anything. A smile had sneaked onto her face. Despite Naomi not wanting to talk to her, she felt happy. Telling someone she was going to do the biggest thing in her whole life felt freeing, she only hoped actually doing it would feel a similar way. The bus pulled up at her stop and she alighted with a spring in her step. So caught up in her thoughts she was, that she barely noticed the car pulling out of a parking spot. A horn blared and she jumped out of the way.

'You fucking moron,' a voice screamed across the car park.

Normally she would have cried there and then, started sobbing on her way into the building. But nothing could touch her; nothing could ruin the amazing feeling bubbling in her stomach. Nothing could stop her from coming out to the one person she always thought would be okay. Until she saw him standing by the front desk talking to one of his employees and suddenly Emily's bubbles turned to butterflies, her throat closed over and she considered turning right around.

'Emily!' Rob grinned, spotting her before she could make a decision. He pulled her into his arms, holding her there tightly for a moment longer than usual. 'We've not had a proper Fitch hug in forever.'

'No,' she smiled, nerves causing her whole body to shake.

'Glad you came actually love,' he began, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and guiding her towards a door. 'Let's go talk in my office.'

In the five minutes it took for Rob to find one of his less busy employees and get them some drinks, Emily's tongue had swelled several times in her mouth. It was a dead weight, a heavy, useless object that couldn't move even if she wanted it to. The sofa in the corner of her dad's office was comfier than it used to be, more modern with a leather finish. She sat as far forward as she could, wrapping her hands around her knees and pulling herself into a ball. She felt less out in the open that way, less the centre of attention. She took several deep breaths, told herself that no matter what happened, everything was going to be alright.

'There we go Emsy,' Rob handed her a mug, sitting down beside her as he sipped on another.

'Thanks.'

'So,' he started, placing his cup down on the small table and lifting a foot up onto his thigh. 'I know you've been having some strife and I want to help. It doesn't have to be permanent, unless you want it to be, just so you can get back on your feet.'

The words that came out of Rob Fitch's mouth entered Emily's ears, they processed and she understood what he was saying. Yet, she wasn't really paying attention. She clutched the mug, anything to keep her hands busy and her attention on something easy. Deep down her stomach continued to turn with worry, nerves and even expectations. She wanted to listen to her father's offer of a job, even respond at some point. But all she could think about was the sentence burning a hole in the very core of her body. Now she'd decided to tell him the truth, she couldn't hold onto it any longer.

'Dad,' she interrupted. 'Can we talk about this after; I need to tell you something.'

''Course love,' Rob nodded, lowering his leg and leaning back against the sofa. 'What do you want to tell your old man?'

There had always been an inkling that something wasn't right, from being a small child Emily suspected she wasn't like Katie, wasn't like any of the girls in her school. She didn't understand it then. It took her a few years to realise and even longer to truly accept that she wasn't just Emily, Katie's sister. She was Emily, the girl who is a lesbian. The secret that lived inside of her heart and mind had never really escaped, yes she'd told Naomi, but that was different. Now she held the key to the box that protected her secret and she pushed it into the lock. Part of her didn't want to let it escape, not only because of the ramifications, but because it was hers. It was the one thing nobody had ever been able to take away from her, to make their own. Despite that, she knew it was time.

'Did you ever notice that I'm different?' she asked, staring down at her hands in her lap.

'Different? Of course you're different,' Rob replied. 'You're a Fitch and you're my special little girl.'

'Not like that dad.'

Easy does it, slow and careful steps. He would be shocked, naturally. He would need some time to get his head around it. She wanted to ease him into the idea before she came out and said it.

'I'm not like Katie; I've never been like Katie.'

'I know.'

Rob's eyes narrowed in contemplation, in concern and a sense of understanding. Emily watched the movement of his eyebrows and took in his words. The gentle tone of his voice felt accepting, it appeared open. Why had she never done this before? Just talked to him, tried to see what he understood already.

'Your mum,' he paused. 'She was so happy when we found out we were having twins, like, ecstatic. She wanted to dress you up the same and have you two be the best of friends. Some days she knows that's not how twins work, other days she keeps on pretending.'

'Pretending that we're the same?'

'Yeah.'

A lump built up in the back of her throat, she wanted to say the words, wanted to finally do it. She was going to do it, she was finally going to tell her dad that she wasn't who he always thought she was.

'I've been keeping something from you, for a long time. I'm not who you think I am.'

''Course you are, you're my little Emsy,' he smiled, patting her leg.

'No, dad,' she groaned. 'Just listen to me; I need to tell you, I've wanted to tell you for so long. I just, I couldn't. I lied about Jonah, we're not together, we never were. I would never be with him because, because,'

'You're gay.'

The lump rose up, the words she was about to say floated around in the air without her having said them. Her chest tightened and her eyebrows creased.

'I,' she started to say, but her tongue swelled again, stopping her in her tracks.

'I'm right, aren't I? I've been expecting you to tell me this for years.'

'I'm gay,' she finally stated, needing to say it, needing to make it clear without a simple nod or answer. 'I'm a lesbian and I'm in love with someone.'

'Not Alice?' he checked, shifting in his seat in discomfort.

He knew, he'd known and _he_ was waiting for _her_. She could barely believe what she'd heard him say. He'd had time to get his head around the idea; she just hadn't given him the chance to show that he accepted it.

'No,' she smiled, butterflies still flying around the inside of her stomach. She wondered how long it would take to get used to the fact that he already knew. 'Her name's Naomi.'

'Naomi,' he nodded, staring into space. 'I knew, but I hadn't really thought about this.'

'About what?'

'About the fact you'd be dating girls.'

She laughed, a slow, gentle laugh that she tried to cover up. Were they ready to laugh? Were they ready for anything but sitting there thinking about the new situation they were in. This was the first time they could discuss her feelings for women and understand them together. Even Emily couldn't get her head around that. Then Rob laughed too and like a magic wand had been waved, everything felt comfortable once more.

'How did you know?'

'One thing love,' Rob pointed out.

'What's that?'

'I'm your old man and I know you, even if you don't think I do. I could see you weren't in it with that Jonah lad. Does this Naomi make you happy?'

'Very.'

'Then that's all that matters.'

The room stood still for a moment as the dull buzzing of the gym outside the door continued on. Rob smiled at her and she smiled back, their eyes connected in a moment of peaceful harmony. Then he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and she slipped easily into his tight embrace. Until there was a knock at the door and one of his employees entered carrying a clipboard.

'Sorry to disturb Mr Fitch, got someone waiting in reception, she's not a member but she said she only came to meet someone. She's refusing to leave, even threatened to call all her environmental friends down here to protest about the amount of electricity we use.'

**Author Note****: What is it with this story making me exhausted? Haha. Don't forget to press the button ;P**


	29. Chapter 27

**Notes: **Thanks everyone for reviewing , apologies to Red and JM because I said this would be up sooner and it's taken me an extra 12 hours or so. I hope you enjoy :)

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

'Naomi!' Emily remembered, darting up from her seat and rushing out of the door.

In the entrance, a blonde stood arguing with the receptionist, impatiently tapping her finger on the counter with exasperation. Emily watched from the entrance to the short corridor, brow furrowed, confused. Rob appeared beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder.

'That's not…?' he asked, allowing the question to fade away into existence as Emily shook her head.

'No,' Emily informed him.

'Thank God,' he muttered, getting a sharp glare from Emily. 'Not that it would matter if you were dating an older woman, but not _that_ old.'

'Dad!'

'I mean, she's old enough to be your mother.'

'She's _Naomi's_ mum,' she mumbled, watching Gina.

The look of confusion and disappointment must have shown because when Gina finally noticed her standing there, her head tilted to the side and she held her arms out as though waiting to pull Emily into them in comfort. She didn't move. She couldn't find the energy or the enthusiasm to break the short distance between them, not when the environmentally conscious blonde waiting for her, wasn't the one she wanted to see.

'Emily, love,' Gina finally spoke, with apology and sorrow.

'She's not coming, is she?' Emily checked, not that she needed any confirmation, Naomi's absence spoke for itself.

'Not today.'

The painful beat of Emily's heart became a hindrance to surviving the let-down. Coming out had been the hardest thing she'd ever tried to do and perhaps it was too little, too late when it came to her number one love. She'd expected Naomi to come, wouldn't allow any other possibility to enter her mind because for once, positive thinking was the only options; until she saw Gina in the entrance. What was the point in any of it when there was no one to share it with? She'd done it for Naomi, to prove to her that she could be everything she wanted and more. _No_. That was where her downfall lay, no more had she done it for Naomi than she had done it for her dad. _She_ needed to do it, nobody else. Telling Rob was about preserving her own sanity, not fixing a broken relationship. Expecting Naomi to come flying back into her life was the mistake now, for she couldn't expect anything. Life had already taught her that several times over.

'Hi, Rob Fitch,' her father introduced himself in his clear, professional manner, his hand outstretched to Gina. She took it with a smile on her face.

'Gina Campbell,' she replied and he smiled back, his large, toothy grin.

'So our daughters are, are,' he muttered, in an attempt to make conversation.

'They are.'

'And you know?'

'I do.'

'And now I know.'

'Yes.'

The brief exchanged trailed off in an awkward, tense moment of silence. Emily closed her eyes as a couple of tears rolled down the lines of her cheeks. She wiped them away with the back of her hand and turned away from the two pairs of eyes cautiously watching her.

'Try again tomorrow,' Gina commented, rubbing her back slowly. 'Come by the house, I'll make sure she's in, about ten.'

A final nod was the most Emily could manage under the harsh spotlight of hers and Naomi's parents. Another couple of tears trickled along her skin, tickling it until they'd dried up into the surface. Gina's hand left her back and she heard a muttered goodbye. On the one hand she wanted her to stay, so that she could fall into her arms, begging for her to make Naomi forgive her. On the other, she needed time, as much as Naomi. They both needed time. Now Gina knew, had seen with her own two eyes that Emily hadn't been making it up, she'd told her dad the truth. Emily could only hope that Gina would pass the message on, attempting to persuade Naomi that maybe people do change.

xxx

The moon grew into a large, white ball in the sky, the fog blurring the edges into a misty sphere. From the window Emily stared up at the sky which housed a lot of questions and very few answers. What were stars? The scientific response wasn't far off balls of fire, many of which had already burnt up before they'd even hit the Earth's atmosphere. Then there was the moon itself, gradually changing every single night until one day it vanished and the next, a new one appeared. People talked about cheese and a man, but Emily had never cared much for the children's tales. The moon was the moon, a rock or something, orbiting the Earth, appearing and disappearing with the arrival and departure of a new day. The stars on the other hand, they were magical. Each star belonged to someone and because there were billions of them, they could. Mrs Leeman, her year two teacher, had told a story about the stars being where loved ones go after they die. At the time Emily thought it had just been a really lovely story, as she grew older it helped her to understand the death of her grandmother and great aunt. She hoped; that by the way of the story, they were up there somewhere looking down on them. There was a star which shone especially for them. Sometimes she reminded herself it was just a story. Not tonight. Tonight she needed magic, if only to stop herself from taking too many steps backwards.

'Emily, are you alright?' Alice asked, tapping on her door. She allowed her to enter, but didn't move away from the window, even when Alice sat down on the end of her bed.

'The moon looks full,' Emily whispered. 'But it isn't, it's not quite full, it will be tomorrow.'

'You dad called.'

Emily nodded, 'I heard you talking to him.'

'He's worried about you; he said you told him something very important. He didn't want to tell me in case you didn't want me to know and I didn't want to say anything, in case we were talking about different things.'

'I told him,' she assured her, the few words enough for them both to know what had been discussed.

'Are you okay, Em?'

'I will be,' she croaked, clearing her throat. 'Maybe, tomorrow.'

Alice stood up from the bed, rubbing her hands together as she hovered in the doorway. Emily turned to look at her properly. There was worry in her eyes.

'I'll be okay,' she assured her.

xxx

Between telling her dad she was gay and standing in front of Naomi's house waiting for someone to answer the door, Emily knew which one she'd rather choose. Rob's response to her sexuality had changed everything causing her to feel more confident. The door opened and Erin's smiling face looked up at her before Naomi joined her daughter to find out who was there. Her brow creased and she tucked her lip under her tooth.

'What are you doing here?'

'I need to talk to you.'

Naomi pulled the door to, using her body to block Emily from seeing into the house and from anyone inside from seeing Emily. Her voice grew dark, rougher, as she sharpened her tone.

'I _don't_ need to talk to you Emily; didn't you get that message yesterday?'

'Did she tell you what I did?'

'She told me.'

'Please Naomi,' Emily begged, not put off by her harsh frustrated response. 'All I want is fifteen minutes and then you never have to see me again, if that's what you want.'

The door closed in her face, leaving her standing there. She turned to walk away, to leave and give up because there wasn't much more she could do. Until the hinges creaked open again. She returned her gaze to the door, to Naomi stood with her eyes closed and her head lowered. Gina stood beside her, holding the door as though she'd forced it open. A tiny smile crept onto Emily's face. She cleared her throat in the hope of disguising it.

'We'll leave you two alone,' Gina assured Naomi, handing a small coat to Erin.

'No, you won't,' Naomi replied, glaring at her mother with that Naomi death stare.

The older woman merely tilted her head at her daughter, her eyes travelling from the blonde's blue orbs to Emily's brown ones. She couldn't move from her spot on the driveway. Not when there was still hope. She opted for Naomi to guide the next few minutes, to take them where they needed to go physically so that Emily could attempt to repair their relationship.

'We're going for a walk,' Naomi snapped, by way of an order to Emily as well as information for Gina. Then she marched down the driveway, barely glancing at Emily as she passed her.

The feisty, angry Naomi that walked two feet in front of her was a source of amusement for Emily. Her attempts to keep her smile at bay failed miserably and her breathing intensified when Naomi stood at the end of the street with her arms folded and a scowl on her face.

'Are you fucking coming or what?'

Avoiding laughter was a lot easier said than done, especially when aroused. She stopped short of Naomi, folded her own arms and raised her eyebrows, emulating what her beautiful, hopefully-still-girlfriend, was doing. Naomi's lips gradually curled upwards.

'Stop it,' she snapped.

'You stop it,' Emily muttered, tucking her lip under her tooth like Naomi. 'Being all hot and sexy when you're angry.'

'Fucking, stop copying what I'm doing, are you five?'

'No, but I think you've been taking lessons from your daughter.'

'Excuse me,' Naomi noted. 'She's the one taking lessons from me in how to be a moody cow.'

'Of course she is.'

They carried on walking down the street, falling into step side by side. Emily watched their feet moving, one step in front of the other, repeatedly, until the curb ended and they waited to cross the road. Where were they going? Why weren't they talking? She had no answers, only questions as she followed Naomi's lead across a main road towards a small patch of grass with a bench on the side. They came to a stop and Naomi lowered herself onto the wooden slabs, her eyes trailing up to Emily's as she waited for her to sit.

'Here's the thing,' Emily muttered, standing in front of Naomi, her audience. 'Yesterday I went to my dad and I told him everything.'

'I know.'

'I know, you know,' she sighed, rolling her eyes. 'But what you need to know is that I did it for me.'

'Who else would you do it for?'

'Would you just fucking, fucking shut up and listen?' Emily shouted, startling even herself by the volume of her words. Naomi raised her eyebrows in surprise, one side of her mouth curling into a cheeky grin.

She didn't say anything else.

'I always thought I had to do it for you, to make things right for us. But I know that isn't why I had to do it. _I'm_ the one who's gay, _I'm_ the one in the closet and _I'm_ the one fucking up the best thing that's ever happened to me.'

'Fucked,' Naomi mumbled. 'You already did it.'

'Shut the fuck up and listen for the first time in your fucking life,' Emily snapped. Naomi's smile only grew, prompting Emily to want to smack her.

Instead she took a deep breath and stood still, staring deep into Naomi's eyes. Those were the eyes she longed to spend every day staring at, the eyes she wished she could wake up to more mornings than not. She was ready for that now, ready for it all.

'I'm listening,' Naomi assured her, her lips pressed together tightly to stop the laugh that hovered close to the surface.

'On Sunday I have to go for dinner with my parents, Katie and James. They expect that I'll bring Jonah. I want to take you.'

Naomi sat up straight, her eyes grew serious and her smile faded, replaced instead by slightly parted lips and a number of questions hovering in her eyes. Emily licked her lips and waited with bated breath for Naomi to make the next move. She'd done her chasing, she'd made her peace and now she was waiting for a second chance.

'As a friend?' Naomi asked, looking into Emily's eyes, her own downturned.

'No,' she replied, frowning. 'As a girlfriend, as _my_ _girlfriend_.'

'You think this makes everything okay?' Naomi finally muttered, quickly looking at Emily before looking away again.

'No,' Emily answered honestly, dropping to the floor. She rested her palm upon Naomi's knee and cupped her cheek. 'I'm ready to be what you need, but I can't fix this, I can't make everything right in one day. I'm new at relationships and I'm going to mess things up from time to time. But I'm here Naomi, I'm here because I love you and I want to be with you. No matter what. I want to love you and tell people that I love you because that's what you mean to me. But I'm not telling my family just to prove something to you. It's time, I know that now. I'm being brave Naomi, I'm being brave for you and I'm being brave for _me_. I know that you want me too, so please, _please_ come with me. Please help me do this because without you, it's harder. _Life_, is harder.'

'Who says I'm your girlfriend?' Naomi asked, appearing to completely ignore everything she'd just said.

The desire to strangle Naomi made Emily's toes curl not just in frustration but in physical attraction too; she stood up straight, staring down at Naomi's serious expression. She couldn't always make sense of whether Naomi was serious or not.

'I say you're my fucking girlfriend,' she snapped, taking a step backwards. 'What the fuck have we been doing if you're not my fucking girlfriend?'

'Fucking?' Naomi laughed; a cheeky smile back on her face.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?' Emily cried out, shaking her head, exasperated.

'I'm sorry,' Naomi replied, standing up and moving closer. Emily took a step back, too annoyed to let her close. 'Emily.'

'Don't Emily me, I've put my fucking heart on the line and you're acting like this is all just some big joke. This is _my life_ Naomi, not everyone has Gina Fucking Campbell as a mother. If you see my mother, you'll probably run for the hills.'

Naomi chewed on her lip, reached out and pulled Emily's hand into her own. Emily allowed her to take it, to hold it carefully between her long, slender fingers. The things those fingers had done, the places they'd explored. Feeling them covering her hand, Emily wanted to scream. The feisty, angry Naomi from earlier filled her memories. The need to pull her into her arms and slide her own fingers into Naomi's underwear became too much. She couldn't bear the separation, not now, not any longer.

'When you get angry,' Naomi grinned. 'You're like a fucking sexual time bomb, I don't even need to touch you but I feel like I could explode.'

'What are you trying to say?' Emily asked, her body aching from the intense bubble machine that was her stomach.

In one swift move Naomi had pulled her close, her fingers wrapped around the strands of Emily's brown hair. Her knees buckled as her tongue slipped between her lips, feeling around for her own as they danced their song; the gentle, slow movements of familiarity joining them in a passionate embrace.

'Does this mean you're coming then?' Emily asked, pulling away long enough to speak before Naomi's lips encapsulate hers once more. She succumbed to the blonde's confidence, giving in to desire.

'By coming, you mean,' Naomi's eyebrow raised up, her lip tucked under her tooth. Emily's stomach turned, her body filled with warmth and happiness.

'Fuck off,' she snapped, playfully.

'Fuck _me_,' Naomi corrected.

Emily nodded with a cheeky grin, 'Fuck _you_.'

'Is your place free?' Naomi gasped; her breathing coming out in quick succession, not much different to Emily's which sped along to the beat of her heart.

They ran down the street, Emily pulling Naomi along by the hand. At every street crossing or turn they stepped closer, just to share a quick kiss or a longer, more drawn out snog. The bus journey across town was the most frustrating fifteen minutes of Emily's life. She sat between Naomi and an old man that smelt like a public toilet on a crowded back seat. The bus itself was full of noisy teenagers, screaming children and adults talking loudly to each other. Somehow in the noisy, smelly mess she found time to think about Naomi, naked Naomi, making love to her for hours.

The walk from the bus stop to her bedroom was the shortest stretch in distance, but the longest in how long it seemed to take. In the rush, Emily's key didn't want to work until she had to slot it in seven times just to get through to her corridor. Once the apartment door had shut behind them, Emily felt Naomi's body against her. The wooden door to her bedroom pushed up against her back and Naomi's tongue slipped carelessly into her mouth.

'Fucking door,' Naomi snapped, pushing down on the handle, blindly attempting to open it in their moment of passion.

'Fuck the door,' Emily fitted between kisses.

'I'd rather fuck you.'

'Sofa,' she gasped, returning her attention completely to Naomi's neck.

The soft material slid across her back when she lay down and allowed Naomi free reign. Blonde locks dangled across her shoulders, tickling the bare skin around her nipples once their clothes had been carelessly displaced. The brief touches as Naomi's mouth travelled down the side of her upper arm only added to the intense feelings running through her entire body. Naomi's tongue, lips, teeth and fingers explored every inch of her body which were repaid in soft moans. Her own lips focused their attention on Naomi's small nipples as Naomi took her time tracing patterns on her thighs with her tongue. Eventually they shifted their position and together they upped the stakes, their mouths replacing fingers in order to push each other as far past okay as possible. They hit the roof and kept going, moving together, fitting together in perfect harmony until reached their peak at the same time and fell against each other. Hearts beating together, breath hitched in exactly the same place and bodies shared completely with each other.

They snuggled up together on the sofa and they kissed, like school kids making out on the sofa at a party, except that they barely wore an item of clothing between them. The silent, careless sound of nothing surrounded them and there they were at peace. Until the door opened and a strong waft of perfume travelled through the air towards.

'Katie?' Emily gasped, grappling for clothes to cover herself up with.


	30. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter...not the happiest with the last part of this chapter, but it does what it needs to! I wanted to get it up asap for you all after all.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

A thick, dark cloud travelled overhead, threatening to fall upon the nightmare that had begun. Not only were they both naked, their clothes discarded across the room, but there was a strong stench in the air that meant no matter what crazy explanation Emily could come up with, there was zero possibility that Katie would believe her.

'Yo,' Katie began, her eyes bugged with surprise and a distinct look of horror Emily had only seen once before. On the night Katie had caught her kissing Naomi in middle school. 'But, Jonah.'

'Has never been my boyfriend,' she whispered in a shaky, unstable voice.

They'd managed to dress, barely, but enough to not feel so exposed. Emily stood with her hand resting on the side of the sofa, anything to support herself. Her body could barely work anymore, tired from the long journey, the stress of the day and the intense workout she'd just participated in.

'You moved past this, it was just a fucking experiment at a party.'

Katie whined like a small child wanting ice cream before dinner. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes narrowed. She breathed heavily, sniffed back a couple of almost tears. Emily had never seen her like that; she'd never expected her to be _that_ surprised. Not after middle school, not after Alice.

'It was never just an experiment,' Emily muttered, in an attempt to be honest with her sister.

'But the kiss,' Katie snapped, staring at the ceiling and biting her lip. 'It was a fucking mistake that _she_ made happen.'

She needed confirmation, she begged for it in the tone of her voice. She wanted to be right, _needed_ Emily to tell her it was all just a misunderstanding.

'It wasn't.'**  
**

'_No,_' Katie demanded. 'It was _her_, everything was _her_ fault. This is all her fucking fault. Tell me it was her fault Emily.'

'I can't.'

The fingers that had seduced her now interlinked with her own, wrapping around her shaking hand, settling it instantly. Accepting-Katie was the desired response she'd hoped for, angry-Katie was what she expected. But tearful, begging-Katie? Nothing prepared her for the innate feeling of guilt building up under the perpetual fast beat.

'Katie,' she pleaded, moving from Naomi's side in order to comfort her devastated sister.

She didn't care if Katie's tears belonged to crocodiles or if she played her like the flute, she couldn't handle watching her break down before her eyes and not do something. Her hand outstretched to Katie's arm, where she rested it lightly against her shoulder.

'Get to _fuck_ Emily Fitch,' she snarled, throwing her hand away and pawing at the droplets housed upon her face.

'Katie, please,' Emily cried out, unable to stop the onset of her own tears. Naomi moved out from behind the sofa, her hand slipped back into Emily's. They fit, in every way they touched, they were the perfect match bringing them together like Ying and Yang or the hugging salt and pepper.

'How long?' Katie asked, her eyes darting harshly in Naomi's direction.

'Not long.'

'How long?' Katie demanded, her glare angled at Emily now.

'About as long as JJ has been around,' Naomi answered, squeezing Emily's hand in comfort.

'I wasn't asking you,' Katie cried, her hands balled into fists and her legs dancing uncomfortably on their balls. 'I wasn't fucking asking _you_, you fucking dyke. What are you even still doing here?'

'Fuck off,' Naomi snapped, sending apologetic glances in Emily's direction.

'This is all _her_ fault, can't you see?' Katie ordered, staring at Emily, longing for her to listen, to understand. 'She's a fucking lesbian turner; she probably goes around fucking women just to take them away from _normal_ people.'

'You're calling your own sister not normal?'

The sly, knowing smile on Naomi's face wasn't as sexy as her general frustration. Not when it was angled in such a hateful way at her own sister. There were many reasons Emily had never been able to share her sexuality with the person closest to her and part of the reason was Katie's ability to be jealous of anything and everything.

'I wasn't fucking talking to you.'

'No, you just chose to talk _about_ me while I'm stood right here.'

'Shut the fuck up Naomi,' Katie ordered, blanking her as she turned her attention back to Emily. 'Don't fucking get involved. This is about Emily.'

'About Emily until you bring my 'lesbian ways' into it,' Naomi replied, goading her, playing the game in order to cause a stir.

Naomi didn't mean it; Emily had to keep telling herself that. She was angry and didn't seem to like the way Katie was treating her. She was being the protective girlfriend; she was being everything Emily had always wanted, someone to stand up for her even if that meant standing against someone else. It made her insatiable though. As she stood watching the verbal sparring match between her sister and girlfriend, all Emily wanted to do was pull Naomi back onto the sofa and make love to her over and over and over again.

'She was fine before you came along, then you disappeared and she was fine again.'

'So fine she used to dice with death at every available opportunity and go out on date after date set up by you and your mother, just to pretend that she was everything you wanted.'

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Katie asked, confused and worried. 'What the fuck is she talking about Emily?'

The obsession with water was something Katie knew about, what she didn't know and Emily had never told her, was the fact she as good as attempted to kill herself on a regular basis for years. Naomi's protective streak was nothing in comparison to Katie's own protectiveness that cropped whenever she so required it to.

'She's telling you the truth. Naomi didn't make me gay, Katie, she didn't turn me. She didn't _make_ it happen. I was always gay. I remember being six years old watching you point out all the boys you liked best on the TV and you know what I thought? I thought about the girls. It's always been about girls.'

'No,' Katie snapped, shouting it loudly as though volume made a difference to its impact. 'You're fucking lying, you're making it up. She's made you think like this, like it's normal, she's made you make up memories just to persuade you that you're like her. You're not like her Emily.'

'Get a fucking grip Katie,' Naomi growled, standing up taller and pulling Emily's hand up to her chest. She held their hands there, fingers linked, to show how serious she was.

'Naomi, don't,' Emily insisted, pulling her hand away and holding it out towards Katie. '_I'm_ gay, _me_, it's all me. I've been gay longer than I've known Naomi. If you want someone to blame, blame me. Even dad knew that this is who I am.'

'You're lying,' Katie repeated, not letting up the idea that what she was being told was some sort of fantasy created for their amusement.

'No, Katie.'

'Yes,' she continued. 'It's all some fucking practical joke. You're playing a game.'

Emily shook her head, her eyes downturned in apology and quiet desperation. She _needed_ Katie to understand, to accept what she was saying. If only to save her own sanity from repeatedly going over the same idea that maybe it was all a game.

'No, just ask Alice. She knew, straight away when she saw me, she knew. I'm gay, I was never in a relationship with Jonah and I'm in love with Naomi.'

The usually louder Fitch walked across the room, her eyes blank and lifeless. Emily paid close attention to her sister's unusual behaviour. Her anger, her confusion, it was all so displaced into the idea that Naomi had caused everything. Emily refused to allow her to scapegoat Naomi again; she wasn't the enemy, if only Katie would see. Naomi had been the saviour.

'No,' Katie repeated, lowering herself into the armchair, her eyes glossy and red.

'Yes,' Emily tried again, not willing to let up and give her sister what she wanted.

'You _can't_ be,' Katie mumbled, breathing deeply into her hands. 'I, I always, I never, this isn't how it's supposed to be.'

'It's how it _is_.'

'But,' Katie tried, one final time, her chest heaved in breath.

The de-ja-vu from attempting to bring Naomi around didn't escape her notice as Emily knelt on the floor in front of her sister. The whole thing was infinitely more uncomfortable as her knees collided with wooden floor boards instead of soft grass. She took Katie's hand, held it between hers in the same way she had when Katie broke her arm at their eighth birthday party.

'This doesn't change anything.'

Katie didn't speak; she didn't even look up at Emily, who desperately wanted eye contact. The space between them had grown considerably in a few short minutes, despite the physical contact. Emily wanted to cry, she needed to let out the pain of Katie's inability to understand. Right now, she couldn't. Not in front of her sister, not when she was so broken up.

'I'm still _me_,' she pleaded with her. 'I'm still _Emily_.'

'But you're _gay_,' Katie sighed, putting significance on a word Emily had already accepted as insignificant. It didn't matter anymore if she was gay, or straight, or somewhere in between, because what had always mattered was that she was happy. And she _was_ happy. She just needed Katie to understand that.

'That doesn't change who I am.'

'_Yes_ it does.'

'I don't see how.'

The devastation in Katie's eyes grew more intense the longer she looked at Emily, her glossy eyes leaking across her face until she wiped away the droplets overlaying her skin. Emily's heart ached for the love, of her sister, she feared had gone. How could she live without Katie? How could her life be okay without the other half of her whole? She couldn't be a singular, not after being a double. Sometimes she wished she wasn't part of a pair, that the world didn't see them as 'the twins', but really, she didn't _want_ to be without her. Not if she really had to choose.

'Everything's ruined;' Katie sobbed. 'We're not the same anymore.'

'We never were the same, Katie,' Emily reminded her, knowing deep down that she was doing the right thing, even though it felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Katie's eye's creased, her pupils peeking through letterboxes made up by her eyelids. There was fire in her glare, devil eyes cursing the world around her.

'Yes we were.'

'_No_,' Emily insisted, growing frustrated again at Katie's failure to understand, or even listen to a word she was saying. 'I've always been different than you Katie; you just never let yourself see. I'm not like you, I've never been like you and sometimes, I don't even want to be.'

'But you're not Emily,' Katie tried again, blanking her attempts to make things as clear and simple as possible.

'For fuck's sake,' Naomi rolled her eyes and sent her own death stare towards Katie, she folded her arms, finally vocalising her own exasperation. 'Of course she's Emily.'

'Naomi stop,' Emily requested. The last thing she needed was for Naomi and Katie to get into another argument.

'I've got to go,' Katie muttered, standing up quickly, almost knocking Emily off her unsteady crouched position.

'Go where?'

'I've got to talk to mum. How can she know about this and not tell me?'

The feeling of panic that had been there so many times in Emily's life rose up inside of her chest. There were things in life she couldn't control, actions made by other people that she couldn't stop. She knew that. If Katie wanted to tell their mother, she could do. Emily had no real power to stop her. But she had to try.

'She doesn't know; only dad and Alice.'

'Then I have to tell her,' Katie told them, her sombre mood vanishing, replaced instead by a sudden burst of power, confidence and a hint of anger. She moved towards the door.

Regret over her honesty sent the panic fluttering through her entire body, her knees weakened and her head pounded.

'No, Katie,' she begged, 'No.'

'You're fucking that dyke, you've been lying to us for months, years, I'm not going to fucking listen to you.'

There it was, finally, the anger, the pent up frustration that Emily had been lying. She'd waited for it, expected it and even feared it. Katie's tongue could be loose at the best of times. Now Emily expected a barrage of abuse.

'Katie, please,' she requested, her leg shaking and her heart thumping hard against her rib cage. Despite expecting anger, Emily was still surprised by it. She stood in front of the door, anything to stop her sister from leaving.

'Get out of my fucking way Emily.'

'Not until you promise me you won't tell mum.'

'Fuck off,' Katie snarled, pushing Emily out of the way.

Her foot fell out from under her and she stumbled onto the floor. Pain travelled along her wrist as she collided with the floor, her body shaking even more from the shock of Katie's attack. Nothing, not even knowing Katie's strength, could have prepared her for that.

'No, you fuck off Katie,' Naomi shouted, standing in front of the door with her arms folded; the fury evident in the sound of her voice. 'I really thought I needed to give you a chance when I started seeing Emily, to see if you'd grown up from the twat you used to be. You're never going to change, are you? You just hurt your own sister, are you fucking _happy_ with yourself? Does it make you feel _better_?'

'Get the fuck out of my way Campbell,' Katie shouted, her cheeks flushed. 'I have to go.'

'Not until you give Emily an apology for attacking her. She deserves better than you, but you're the only sister she has. I know she still wants you to be in her life, even if you have no interest in being in hers. But I think you do, why else would you be acting like a fucking tit over discovering that your twin sister is happy?'

Katie sent a devil glare at Naomi and tried her best to get past the taller, stronger blonde. Naomi tussled with Katie, holding her as steady as possible as she wriggled around to get free.

'Katie, please don't just go,' Emily tried, catching both Katie and Naomi's attention. They stopped and listened. 'You don't understand. I'm going to tell mum, I'm going to do it on Sunday. But you need to let _me_ do that. It's _my_ life Katie; I need to live it my way. Even if you don't agree. Just give me that. Just wait until I've had chance to speak to mum myself.'

Another bout of devil eyes were accompanied by the gritting of her teeth and the wringing of her hands. For a moment Emily expected her to thump Naomi, ignoring everything she'd said. The alternative surprised her.

'Okay,' she whispered as Naomi opened the door for her. 'I'll see you Sunday.'

**Author Note****: Please review, it'll make my birthday tomorrow really great if I get lots! :D Hehe.**


	31. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: Thank sooo much for all of the lovely reviews and birthday wishes, certainly made my day a lot better!**

**This chapter has been annoying me, I actually expected it to be more progressive than it was, but you can't always rush these things. I'm estimating just two more chapters left, but depending on how the story goes as I write it, it could end up three. I doubt there'll be any more than that though. I honestly can't believe I'm that close to the end. I hope it's been worth it.**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

The temperature had dropped considerably over the course of the weekend, until a bitter chill hung in the air. Waking up after a nightmare, to find the duvet had left the bed in favour of the floor, had an adverse effect on the dull ache that lingered in Emily's wrist. Walking across town to Naomi's house and onwards towards the Fitch family home only highlighted the problem as she ran her fingers around the curve of her arm, testing that the bruising was still only minimal.

'Are you sure your wrist is okay?' Naomi inquired, her brow furrowed on noticing her girlfriend's hand messing with the aforementioned wrist.

'It's find,' Emily uttered in a harsh tone, too occupied by the impending dinner to worry further about her injury. Then Naomi's downturned eyes made contact with her own and she hated herself for being so moody. 'It still aches but not enough to worry about it being broken.'

As she'd done all morning, Naomi ignored Emily's tone and continued along her line of enquiry, worry lingering in her voice.

'But you wouldn't always know because of all the,'

'Tiny bones,' Emily interrupted, rolling her eyes. 'I know Naomi, you've told me _six_ times. I promise, I'm _okay_.'

'If Katie says anything else, or does anything,' Naomi trailed off, shaking her head in disapproval.

The last couple of days had been intense. With everything that had happened over the course of their relationship, it was unbelievable they'd managed to come out of the other side. So much so that Emily worried that maybe Naomi would find it too much, eventually cutting her loose because of the hassle. Then she'd chime in with her protective streak and Emily couldn't avoid the warmth cutting through the shield defending her heart. Perhaps they would be okay after all.

'You'll what?' Emily asked, struggling between her love of Naomi's defence and her frustration at being stuck between her girlfriend and family. 'I don't want you getting into a fight with her in front of my mum. It's going to be hard enough getting Jenna to accept things as it is.'

'She just makes me so angry,' Naomi snapped, clenching her fists and then unclenching them again. 'Walking into your home like that, calling all the shots.'

'Alice explained that, Naomi,' Emily reminded her. 'She was supposed to be borrowing a couple of DVDs. Alice honestly thought I'd be at your house all day.'

'Why do people do that? _Assume_ things,' Naomi began, in her best debater's voice. 'If she had asked then none of this would have happened.'

'I had to tell Katie sooner or later.'

'You were going to do it at dinner. You'd planned it that way.'

Unlike what Naomi appeared to believe, Emily didn't regret anything that had happened. Katie finding out before dinner was probably the best way. Jenna was so extreme she was prepared for a battle; battling Katie too was a war she wasn't ready to partake in.

'This way is better, now all I have to focus on is mum.'

'What about your brother?' Naomi wondered, wrapping her fingers around Emily's hand and moving closer.

They fell into step beside each other. The soft hand settled Emily's nerves, reminding her instantly of the support she had beside her and the support she would also have at the dinner table. This was Emily's fight, but she certainly wasn't alone.

'He'll be fine, though he might start to perv over you,' Emily smirked.

'A teenage boy perving over a lesbian?' Naomi asked with her trademark eye roll. 'Who'd have expected that? He sounds like Cook.'

Laughter filled the potential silence and stopped Emily's mind from stepping forward into unchartered waters. They were nearly at the Fitch house, almost ready to begin the final hurdle in Emily's coming out journey. Sure there would be times she'd have to tell other people in her life; new work colleagues, new friends, aunts, uncles. But none of them would be quite as hard as facing her own, judgemental mother.

xxx

The door opened to James, mid-argument, with his hand placed overtly in his trousers. Emily breathed deeply with nervous anticipation and interlinked her fingers with Naomi's in the hope of finding some confidence. A gentle squeeze and a warm smile later and she didn't feel much better. Not even Naomi could make the dinner go any faster, or the impending doom any more manageable.

'Fucking hell,' James greeted them, his eyes falling out of their sockets in the direction of Naomi.

'Fuck off,' Emily ordered, pushing past him into the house. She let go of Naomi's hand and hung their coats up on the banister, dropping her bag by the stairs.

'I just split up with my girlfriend,' James informed Naomi. 'James Fitch is officially open for business.'

The attempt at flirting obvious in the angling of James's tongue running across his lip and eyes darting from Naomi's eyes to the curves of her upper body. Emily slapped him across the head.

'Get your own fucking girlfriend.'

'That's what I was _trying_ to do,' he muttered, rubbing his head. 'Who the fuck is she anyway?'

'I do have ears,' Naomi reminded him. 'Or is your hearing in your dick like your brain?'

Emily smirked into her hand in an attempt to hide her laughter from her brother. Despite his usually disgusting behaviour, she wanted him on side. If only to help defend against the fire breathing dragon they were about to face.

'Naomi's _my_ girlfriend,' Emily answered honestly, pulling the blonde closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. 'In case you're wondering, that means I'm gay.'

The silence grew as James's eyes opened wider and his mouth dropped. Emily smiled at Naomi, despite her nerves still being entirely shattered with the expectation of what was to come. Being in Naomi's arms may not have helped her nerves, but it still felt good.

'I fucking knew it!' he grinned. 'Just wait til mum finds out, she's gonna flip her fucking lid.'

'Shut up you idiot. I'm telling mum today, so you'd better keep your fucking trap shut.'

'Make me,' James demanded in a juvenile tone.

Emily rolled her eyes and pulled a crumpled up piece of material from her pocket. She came prepared; she had to, just to make sure everything ran smoothly.

'Help me out and I might give you my knickers,' she informed him, holding them in front of his face. 'They're _used_. Do we have a deal or do I have to kick you in the fucking balls?'

'Deal,' he grinned, taking the stairs two at a time as he ran off. 'Gotta call Gordon.'

The stairs creaked loudly as feet drummed against the upper steps, slowing gradually until Katie's long, wavy, dark brown hair appeared and she walked the last couple of steps. She stopped on the bottom one, her eyes darting between her sister and girlfriend as though the world was about to end. She licked her lip nervously.

'Hi,' she croaked, by way of greeting, her voice trailing off.

The vulnerable appearance of Katie took Emily by surprise, she felt considerably worse about everything seeing Katie so despondent. She wasn't Katie, not how she knew her to be anyway. The fiery, passionate woman that usually chatted constantly about her latest boyfriend looked almost apologetic.

'Hey,' Emily replied.

'Finally you're here,' Rob shouted across the hallway as he exited the kitchen. Emily turned as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a side hug, with a kiss planted firmly on the side of her head. 'You must be Naomi!'

'It's nice to meet you Mr Fitch,' Naomi replied courteously.

'You look just like your mother.'

'My mother?'

'You saw her for five minutes in the gym,' Emily reminded him.

'I'll never forget a pretty face.'

The three of them were ushered into the living room by Rob and he took a drinks order before leaving them alone. Emily sat down the sofa with her hand resting on Naomi's thigh. Katie stood opposite them, watching from afar as her eyes darted between them and the door.

'I'm sorry.'

The apology came as a surprise to Emily, her head jerked up in order to focus her attention away from Naomi's fingers circling her knee and Katie who stood by the chair watching them. She looked as sorry as she sounded and that was enough for Emily to know that she meant it.

'Is your wrist okay?'

Emily nodded, her slight smile spread across her lips. She couldn't give in that easily. Katie had really hurt her, not just physically but emotionally too. It was the most she expected but that didn't stop the disappointment. As her twin sister she'd always had a tiny sliver of hope that maybe Katie would be different.

'I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'But, you did.'

'I know.'

The apology was enough, Emily didn't think it ever would be, but listening to Katie explain herself broke her heart almost as much as losing her would have done. She was the closest thing she'd ever had to a friend and despite her selfish streak, she knew Katie would always have her best interests at heart, even if they were twisted by her own perception over what those interests were.

'I don't like that you're with her,' Katie sighed, lowering herself onto the arm of the chair. 'I can't lie to you and pretend I'm okay when I'm not.'

'I don't expect you to be okay, I just expect you to accept that I'm okay.'

'I do,' Katie whispered in a hushed tone.

'Do you?'

Sometimes Emily wondered if Katie would ever understand. Regardless of her perception of what was best for Emily, she knew deep down that Katie had never absorbed exactly who Emily was.

'You're my sister Emily, you're my,' she paused, pawing at her glistening cheek. 'You're my best friend. I don't really have anyone else. I just want what's best for you.'

With furrowed eyebrows Emily sat up straight, closer to Katie, with her eyes angled in confusion. How could she be so okay yet not at the same time? Katie had always been strong enough to not care what other people thought, or defend herself in arguments. She'd never been so depleted before. The Naomi issue had always been there, Emily realised. It had begun in middle school, with the kiss where Katie had done everything possible to ensure Emily came out of the incident unscathed. She considered it to be bad for Emily's reputation and by default, Katie's too. Yet somehow that had been the start of a spiral of difference that really affected Katie. There was the night Emily told her she wanted to dye her hair a different shade, to be different. She didn't take it well. Then for their eighteenth birthday Emily wanted to do something low key and quiet, Katie had completely ignored her request, in the end, but that night she'd cried herself to sleep. She liked to hide behind her confidence, but Emily knew that wasn't who she was deep down.

'I don't understand. You just said you're not okay with this.'

'I'm okay with you being who you are, now,' she answered honestly. 'I just don't know if I'll ever be okay with you being in a relationship with _her_.'

'I'm sitting right here…' Naomi rolled her eyes, chewing on her lip in annoyance. She reached for Emily's hand as way of showing to Katie that no matter how many times she said it, she wouldn't be going anywhere.

'I _love_ her Katie,' Emily assured her, squeezing Naomi's hand and holding it openly between them.

She would have made out with her on the sofa if that was what she needed to do, anything to prove to Katie that nothing she said would change the situation. She could dislike Naomi all she wanted, that wouldn't stop her being her girlfriend.

'So that makes it better?'

'I didn't say that.'

'I want you to be happy,' Katie sighed, conceding. 'And if _she_, _Naomi_, makes you happy then I'm happy for you. But, I can't, I don't know if I can be all bum chums with her.'

'Bum chums? Are you fourteen?' Naomi laughed, with a sarcastic smirk.

'Don't,' Emily snapped, shaking her head in disapproval at Naomi. 'This is already hard enough.'

'Sorry,' Naomi muttered.

'It's going to take some getting used to, just don't expect me to be friendly until I get used to this.'

'When did you get all mature?' Emily asked, with a smile on her face. 'I was expecting another argument.'

'You're all I've got.'

In college they'd had multiple shared friends who they spent nearly every weekend with. In uni, Emily had a couple of friends, but neither were lifelong buddies. Now she had Alice, and Naomi and probably even Gina too. Despite her inability to make friends or form lasting relationships, Emily had come up trumps. For the first time since school, Katie had no boyfriend after another failed relationship. The friends she had were usually friends of the male she was seeing, so when her latest relationship fell through, she was left alone. Emily had never noticed the impact that had on her sister; she'd never taken the time to.

'Alice really helped me to understand that it's not about me,' Katie continued, her eyes downturned. 'It's always been about me, hasn't it? _Everything_. This isn't.'

Slipping her hand out of Naomi's, Emily walked across the room towards her sister. She pulled her into a tight hug where they stood for a few minutes, barely moving.

'I'll always have time for you Katie.'

'You'd better do,' she smiled.

The living room door opened and Rob re-entered with a tray of drinks, Jenna following close behind. He placed it on the coffee table and stood back. Emily pulled out of Katie's arms and took a long, deep breath. There she was, the one person who would probably change everything in just a few short minutes.

'Emily, finally, what time do you call this?' she greeted, hugging Emily briefly then looking around the room. 'I was expecting you half an hour ago, where's Jonah? And who's this?'

The befuddled glance across at Naomi brought her to her feet; she stood and moved closer to Emily. The proximity somehow made the situation easier. Emily smiled at Naomi and waited for the half-smile she got in return.

'Mum,' she hesitated, slipping an arm around Naomi's waist. 'This is Naomi, my, she's my, my girlfriend.'

**Author Note****: Reviews are most welcome.**


	32. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: And so we are, one chapter to go until this story is over...my heart bleeds. No, seriously. I feel like I've put my sweat and guts into this story. I can't wait for it to be over and yet at the same time I can't bear to let it go.**

**Thanks for the reviews, you know how much they mean to me. Thanks especially to JM for reading over this chapter and for generally being the greatest support any one person can be. :)**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Thirty**

'I beg your pardon!'

A deadly silence fell across the room as though oxygen had been removed and they'd become paralysed. Emily waited with bated breath for someone to speak. Jenna's lips pressed together tightly and her eyes stayed on Naomi, as though she were a sideshow Jenna found neither interesting nor funny. Aside from that she gave very little away. For Emily, the room had grown smaller, the walls gradually moved inwards in a suffocating manner. The stuffy air had become almost unconscionable to the point that Emily couldn't even breathe. Her whole life had been spent waiting for the moment she felt brave enough to stand up to her mother. Now it had arrived she didn't nearly feel confident enough. Naomi's hand moved in hers, squeezing her fingers softly to remind her, she wasn't alone. The touch brought her back into the room, into the tense waiting she longed would come to an end.

'I, I'm gay,' she finally whispered, loud enough to matter but still painfully quiet.

Considering the consequences of telling her mother had always resulted in negativity and shouting, she didn't expect she would be far wrong. She'd been lucky with her dad and despite the hard hour attempting to convince Katie, it had been more successful than she could have ever wished for. She couldn't expect a miracle, not where Jenna Fitch was concerned.

'Rob, did you hear what she just said?' Jenna pleaded with her husband, looking to him for support. Instead, he watched her with the rest of the family, waiting for the reaction they all expected would come.

'I heard it love,' Rob finally replied.

'Well?' she asked, glaring at him.

'Well, what?'

'Aren't you going to say anything? She's, she's gone crazy, or something. Call a doctor,' Jenna rambled, retrieving the phone book from a cabinet in the corner of the room. 'And get that girl out of here.'

'That girl?' Rob asked, staring at Jenna as though _she_ was the one going crazy.

The worst thing about that moment, watching the exchange of conversation between her parents, was that Emily didn't know if 'that girl' was her, or Naomi. She didn't want it to be Naomi, but if it was her, she would have been devastated. There was a huge difference between her mother not accepting her and kicking her out.

'Nina, or Naimh or whatever her name is. I don't want her in this house spreading these malicious lies.'

A weight fell off Emily's shoulders until she was left with only a strong feeling of guilt. She squeezed Naomi's hand, more to settle her own remorse over the relief Jenna didn't want her out of there, than to comfort her girlfriend.

'Mum,' Emily sighed, struggling to fill her lungs with every breath she took. 'This has nothing to do with Naomi.'

'Katie go get your brother,' Jenna requested, ignoring Emily's pleas. 'If she won't leave of her own accord, James can sort her out.'

'Sort her out?' Rob muttered. 'What are you talking about Jenna? Naomi is Em's girlfriend.'

'Girlfriend. She's not a, a,' Jenna trailed off, until Emily cut across her.

'A what, mum? A lesbian?'

'You're not one of those Emily, you can't be. You're too young.'

'Too young?' Emily scoffed. 'I've known about this since I was six years old.

'Nonsense, you've always been a bit immature for your age,' Jenna snapped, her anger growing along with the volume of her voice. 'Katie, go and get your brother.'

She couldn't decide which pissed her off more. The fact that Jenna didn't seem to have any grasp of her as a person, or her inability to understand that Emily's sexuality was a realistic part of her life. Not least the fact that her failure to be able to say the word played against her in every way possible. Katie hovered in the doorway with an apologetic smile before she slipped away.

'Rob, here's the doctor's number,' Jenna handed him the phone book. 'Call them while I talk some sense into your daughter.'

'I doubt they'll even be open love, it's a Sunday.'

'Then find the number for the emergency doctors off the high street, someone there must know how to deal with this.'

'Mum,' Emily cried, her voice strained as a lump pushed up into her throat.

Preparation was never enough for the real event. A runner could train and train and train as much as they like, but unless they get experience of an actual competition they'll never understand it properly. Unfortunately for Emily, telling her dad and sister were hardly in the same league as telling her mum.

'Emily, your friend needs to go home,' Jenna informed her in her calmest of voices, contradicting her earlier panic. 'It's important that we deal with this as a family. If you're having some sort of break down,'

Emily cut her off, her voice growing more frustrated with every passing second. She couldn't listen to it anymore; she couldn't handle what her mother was doing. Katie's denials were bad enough, but to claim it was some sort of breakdown just made the situation twice as hard.

'Mum, you're not listening to me.'

'I am listening to you darling but you sound like your Aunt Jean before she went away to that special hospital, muttering the oddest things.'

'They're not odd,' Emily defended, dropping Naomi's hand and stepping closer to her mother to emphasise her point. 'And Aunty Jean had severe post natal depression.'

'This is because you're a twin isn't it?' Jenna processed, paying little attention to anyone around her. 'They always say the shy twin is most at risk.'

'At risk of what? Mum, just fucking listen to me, this isn't a breakdown. I'm gay, I'm in love with a woman and you'll fucking get used to it.'

Speaking like that to her mother caused Emily's hands to shake, adrenaline rushing through her system. She was sick and tired of listening to Jenna muttering things that made less sense than her own comments. She turned around and faced Naomi, saw for the first time how small she looked in the room, stood there all alone. Nobody spoke to her, nobody gave her any attention. She moved back towards her but stopped in her tracks at Jenna's reaction.

'Don't you dare talk to me like that Emily Fitch, I don't care you're losing yourself, you will never talk to me like that again do you hear me? Rob, tell her she can't talk to me like that.'

'Ems,' Rob whispered with downturned eyes, he looked tired. 'Shouting at your mother isn't going to help her understand.'

'Who's side are you on Rob?' Jenna gasped.

'Stop blaming everyone else, mum,' Emily snapped. 'You're not listening to me.'

'I am, I've heard every word you've said. You're just not making any sense. You can't be a, a, you can't be. Unless it's just attention, I know you've always had less of mine and your dad's attention but that's only because you always seemed so okay. I should have known this would all come back on us.'

_Always seemed okay._ That was the story of her life, the bane of her existence. Katie went through a very moody phase in their earlier teens and then she brought home countless boyfriends, many of whom didn't pass the Rob Fitch test. Then there was James, who, in his years as a teenager, had already been brought home by the police twice. That didn't include the time he ended up in hospital after police broke up a fight. On the grand scheme of things, Emily _did_ seem okay. She didn't kick off or demand attention, she didn't end up in hospital and she certainly didn't get dragged home by the police. What her mother couldn't seem to understand, was that being quiet and a 'good girl' didn't mean she wasn't a mess on the inside.

'I don't want your fucking attention.'

'Rob, where is the doctor?'

'I can't find a number,' he stated, flicking through the phone book under plumber.

'Then call 999,' she demanded, staring at him until he responded.

'This _isn't_ an emergency.'

'_Yes it is_, for fuck's sake Rob, our baby girl isn't well.'

For a while Emily had begun to wonder if maybe she _wasn't_ well, she couldn't seem to function on a daily basis without the routine she'd created and she certainly couldn't get a handle over her emotions. She'd become a sobbing mess for no apparent reason. But she was stronger now, braver, better at understanding why she did the things she did. She wasn't sick, she wasn't having a breakdown. She just needed the love and approval she'd always wanted.

'Jenna, she's just in love with a girl. It's not that bad,' Rob assured her, resting his hands on her hips and pulling her into a tight embrace. Jenna relaxed into his arms. 'Takes some getting used to, but I promise you, it gets easier.'

'Gets easier?' she asked, pushing him away, the volume of her voice rising once more. 'Did you know about this?'

'Well,' Rob hesitated, giving away the truth.

'You knew!' she screeched, stepping back and staring at him aghast.

'Only for a couple of days love,' he defended himself.

'Where's Katie?'

As if they'd been stood outside the door listening, Katie and James appeared quickly from the hallway, looking awkwardly uncomfortable. Emily hated the effect this whole thing was having on her family, not to mention Naomi, who still stood there alone. Emily reached out a hand and pulled her into an embrace.

'Why aren't you angrier about this?' Jenna asked her eldest daughter with fury burning in her eyes.

Emily expected Katie to be honest, to tell their mother just how much of a struggle she had over the whole thing. She wasn't okay, as much as she tried to be, Emily knew Katie well. Her body tensed her but then it relaxed again and her eyes creased at the edges in a slight smile.

'She's happy mum.'

'You knew,' Jenna whispered, staring around at the rest of the family before looking back at Katie. 'You knew too, didn't you?'

'I,' Katie began, cut off quickly by Jenna turning to James.

'What about you? You've been upstairs the whole time.'

'I wanna fuck Emily's girlfriend, she's fucking hot,' he answered sending creepily seductive winks in Naomi's direction.

It took a lot of energy for Emily not to laugh, especially as Naomi looked on the verge of tears. Her hand tightened around Emily's.

'Am I the last person in the fucking world to know about this?'

'We were worried about how you would react.'

'Don't give me that Robert Fitch, I'm a grown woman. Did you really expect me to be okay with this?'

'No,' he replied, honestly.

'Then what's with all the secrecy.'

'_I_ didn't want anyone else to tell you,' Emily began. 'I had to do it myself.'

'Emily _really_ wanted to tell you though,' Naomi chimed in.

As if the Devil himself had set foot in the Fitch house, Jenna's whole body twisted quickly in Naomi's direction. Her eyes landed harshly upon her where she left them, burning a judgemental hole upon her skin. Venom curled around her words.

'What is _that_ girl still doing here?'

'She's my _girlfriend_,' Emily defended, linking her fingers with Naomi's and pulling their hands up for Jenna to see. '_I_ invited her.'

'Well she's _not_ welcome in this house,' Jenna started, her tone growing angrier until her face had turned a deep shade of red. 'Do you understand Emily? She's not welcome. I won't have one of, one of,'

The word disappeared into the tense atmosphere until everyone was staring at Jenna, waiting for her to say the one word she couldn't seem to get out. Emily rolled her eyes, sick of listening to Jenna's homophobic slants.

'One of _what_ mum?' she asked, raising her eyebrows in judgement. 'A _lesbian_? You won't have a lesbian in your house?'

'Not one who has corrupted my daughter and ruined her entire life.'

'Jesus Christ,' Naomi rolled her eyes, finding her voice at last. 'Are you stuck in 1870? Emily lives with a lesbian, she's got a _girlfriend_ who's a lesbian and she's a lesbian herself, what part of that is so fucking hard to understand?'

Emily squeezed Naomi's hand again to show her approval, a tiny smile sent in her direction. Angry Naomi still made her want to rip her clothes off and make love to her there and then, even though she was preoccupied with the stressful situation before them.

'Did you just hear what she said to me Emily? She's not good for you.'

'Who is _good_ for me?' Emily scoffed. 'Jonah? Naomi is nothing to do with this; I never wanted Jonah, what I had with him was fake to stop you from finding out that I like girls.'

'Jonah is a lovely boy who could make you very happy,' Jenna began, ignoring Emily again. 'Why can't you see that I'm just trying to look after my little girl?'

'I'm _not_ a little girl though. I'm an adult, a gay adult who is more than capable of making my own decisions. Naomi came into my life long after I knew I wasn't like everyone else.'

Jenna's eyes narrowed, her face creased up in the natural contours of her face. She looked different, she seemed to respond differently. As though finally allowing Emily a voice, the words sinking in, until her eyes bugged out in surprise.

'Well I won't have it,' she shouted. 'Not in this house.'

'Fine, we'll go,' Emily answered, taking Naomi's hand and leading her towards the door.

'Wait, Emily,' Jenna pleaded.

Emily's heart flipped about in her chest. Could this have been the wakeup call Jenna needed? Her voice had broken up in a painful way, as though she couldn't bear the thought of Emily going. An expectation brought Emily round to face her mother, wishing and hoping that this would be the moment she'd wanted from the start.

'You don't have to go,' Jenna whispered, causing Emily to feel a great deal of relief. Unfortunately, it was short lived. 'Just her, she has to go, just the, the,'

'You can't even say it, can you?' Emily cried.

Any reaction that came from her mum had been nothing more than expected. She wasn't shocked or surprised in any way at how Jenna didn't seem capable of understanding. If anything, it saddened her. She wanted her mum's love, she wanted her acceptance. She just never expected that it would come to this.

'I'm a lesbian mum, if Naomi isn't welcome because of who she is, then neither am I.'

The cool breeze hit them in the face as they opened the front door. Emily didn't remove her hand from Naomi's until they'd reached the end of the drive, then she marched down the street. She was angry, no; furious at how the day had gone. She'd had expectations, hopes that something would happen differently to how she anticipated. Deep down she always knew there would be nothing different, but expecting it and having it happen were two very different things.

'Emily,' Naomi shouted after her, the soft, gentle tone of her voice appearing alien after the perpetual sound of Jenna Fitch muttering nonsense.

She couldn't stop walking; she couldn't stay that close to that house or woman any more. She was too infuriated. As the street ended and a new one began, Emily slowed, her feet growing tired and her heart becoming heavy. It hurt, it physically hurt. That's when the tears came. She hunched her shoulders, lowered her head and let out great sobs. Naomi was there, inches away, ready to scoop her up into her arms where she sobbed against her shoulder.

'It's not that I expected anything different to this,' she cried. 'I just, I wanted it to be _okay_.'

'I know,' Naomi soothed, rubbing her back calmly.

'I can't believe you just stood there and took it,' Emily muttered, pulling back and wiping her eyes. 'Everything she said, it was horrible.'

'I've had worse,' Naomi smiled. 'After Mike died, his parents accused me of all sorts. You're not used to it; it's going to be harder when you want it to go okay.'

Emily pushed her face against Naomi's neck and stayed there for a while, seeking comfort in her arms. She didn't want to go anywhere or do anything but be there with her.

'Let's take you home,' Naomi uttered, lifting Emily's chin with her finger and kissing her on the nose.

'Don't want to go home, can't,' she whispered, a couple more tears strolling down her face.

'Then you can come to mine,' Naomi assured her, giving her one final squeeze before they set off towards the bus stop.

**Author Note****: Reviews are always extremely welcome ;P**


	33. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer****: I don't own Skins, I don't own Naomily and I don't own supermarkets...such is life.**

**Author Note****: This is it...the last chapter. *wipes away tears* I'm feeling sad, but I know this story had to end. I wanted to finish it before Skins series 5 begins tonight. I'm probably going to take a few weeks off from chapter fics, I'll try and do some one-shots. Both gen 2 and perhaps gen 3 if the motivation to do so sits down in my chair and refuses to move.**

**Thank you to every single person who has been with me on this journey, it has been a journey, I've learnt a lot about myself writing this story and I hope you've all enjoyed it. Please review, one final time :)**

**In This Life**

**Chapter Thirty-One**

The bright sun reflected off the mirror on the open wardrobe door, sending streams of light back into the room towards the bed. The whole room had been cloaked in a yellow hue whilst the sun raised high into the sky. Emily cracked open her eyes just a sliver, enough to find the time on the bedside clock read almost eleven and Naomi's comforting presence was no longer there. She turned over, accidentally twisted her legs up in the bed sheets before lying back down again on her back. There was nothing to get up for; nothing to do, but lie there in her newly formed sanctuary. Eventually, after several long minutes of silence just lay there, the hinges on the door creaked open, signalling someone else entering the room.

'Finally,' Emily groaned, sitting up with a half-smile, hoping to pull Naomi into the bed for a moment of passion. Instead, a blonde hair, blue eyed little girl stared back at her. 'Erin!'

'Good morning Emsily,' she muttered in a tiny little voice, before running out of the room.

In the distance Emily could hear her talking with Gina, informing her grandmother that Emily was in fact awake. Her lips curled into a complete smile and she prepared herself for the, hopeful, arrival of Naomi. To her disappointment, the bedroom door opened again to reveal the eldest of the Campbells.

'I heard you were awake,' Gina greeted her, holding up a mug and placing it on the bedside table. 'Brought you some tea.'

'Thank you.'

Despite the assumption that Gina would leave her alone to get dressed, she hovered at the foot of the bed. Emily watched her, not quite sure what to say in response to her continued presence.

'I don't mean to pry,' Gina muttered, lowering herself onto the end of the bed. 'Naomi told me what happened with your family. You can stay here as long as you need to.'

'Thank you Gina,' Emily smiled. 'But I should be okay. I have my own place.'

'Ah yes,' Gina nodded. 'Erin told me all about it, the flat with Alice the lesbean.'

'Yes,' Emily smirked before sipping on her tea.

'Well you're welcome any time,' Gina informed her. 'We've had plenty of waifs and strays living here through the years. Before Erin was born anyway, then Cook stayed for a while.'

'I appreciate it the offer,' she assured her, holding the mug carefully in her hands. 'Where's Naomi?'

'She went to yours, thought you might want a couple of things for when you woke up.'

The kindness of strangers and friends was something Emily had never been witness to much in the past. She'd had the odd drink bought for her and one of her university friends let her borrow some money when there was a delay on her loan. But no one had ever taken her in, offered her a home when her own wasn't available. Loving Naomi was the hardest and yet the easiest thing she had ever had to do, but Gina was something else. She didn't _have_ to like her, there was no requirement to get along, in fact there were more than enough case studies that suggested they wouldn't. On her way out the door she stopped and stared at Emily for a moment.

'Everything alright, Gina?'

'Oh, yes, yes,' she pondered. 'You know, you're good for Naomi, very good actually. I've never seen her this happy, aside from the circumstances.'

'She's good for me too,' Emily admitted.

'I imagine so, what I'm trying to say love is, when you love someone it doesn't matter what the world thinks. It isn't always easy finding someone you meet on an intellectual and emotional level, but when you do, it's important to cherish it.'

'I agree,' Emily smiled. 'I don't think I could have done better than Naomi.'

'Well,' Gina nodded. 'I can't disagree with you, but I am her mother, so I may be a little biased.'

xxx

By lunchtime Naomi had returned, Emily had showered and dressed and the four of them sat down to a smorgasbord of meats, bread, cheese and various other food items. They laughed and joked and unlike the day before, Emily felt welcome in a family she still knew relatively little about. Pangs of guilt and disappointment in her own family filled her conscious until she had to get up from the table and get a glass of water. She chugged down the liquid, focusing only on each gulp until it had emptied.

'Ems?' Naomi asked, placing a hand on the small of her back and rubbing slowly.

'Why can't they be like this?' she yearned. 'Why couldn't they have welcomed you like this?'

'It doesn't matter,' Naomi assured her, with a slight smile.

'It does, it fucking matters to _me_ Naomi.'

'Shh, keep your voice down,' Naomi reprimanded with a glance over her shoulder towards Erin.

'Sorry,' Emily moaned, walking out of the room.

She threw herself onto the sofa, wrapping herself up in the cushions that cluttered the seats. She wanted to curl up into a ball and go to sleep for months, hibernation sounded like the best thing she could do. Damage control.

'Emily,' Naomi called after her, kneeling on the floor in front of the sofa. 'Ems, just talk to me.'

'My family are fucking broken, my mum hates you _and_ me, even Katie wouldn't acknowledge you were there for the most part.'

'I said it doesn't matter,' Naomi sighed, clutching her hand tightly.

'It might not matter to you Naomi, but it matters to me. They're my family; they're supposed to love me unconditionally. You got Gina; I got Jenna fucking Fitch, judgemental Queen of Bristol.'

Naomi let out a long, deep breath as she massaged the palm of Emily's hand. Her gentle touch soothed her, quietened her and ultimately helped her find space in her mind to think. She'd thought she could handle everything that had happened, especially when it had all been exactly what she expected; now she wasn't so sure.

'Your mum's had a shock, she might come round.'

'Wouldn't hold my breath,' Emily groaned, pulling a cushion over her face.

'Don't, don't do this to yourself. You're better than this.'

'I'm not sure I am.'

'You fucking are Emily, you came out to a woman you knew was going to react badly, but you did it anyway. That makes you pretty fucking amazing if you ask me.'

The cushion fell from her face and landed on her lap, allowing her to see Naomi's grin, the comforting belief in her eyes. She'd never really had anyone believe in her. Emily sat up, shifted across from her seat on the sofa and allowed Naomi to drop down beside her. They sat together, curled up in each other's arms, the silence overflowing through the deep breaths they took in unison.

'You know,' Emily began. 'It's four months since I saw you in the supermarket.'

'Since you saw me?' Naomi asked, her eyebrow rose.

'Yeah, you were stood shouting at the man about the eggs. I looked at you and I thought 'fucking hell she's gorgeous' and I couldn't get you out of my head.'

'You're making that up,' Naomi laughed.

'Am not,' Emily muttered, burrowing her face against the crook of Naomi's neck. 'I went back to the supermarket every week on that same night because I knew you would be there.'

Naomi's eyebrow raised again, a cheeky glint in her eye. 'If you weren't fucking gorgeous yourself, that would be a bit weird.'

'I know,' Emily sighed. 'But I had to have you in my life, even if all you were was someone I saw at the supermarket on the nights I couldn't sleep.'

The lounge door opened and Gina popped her head in. She stared at Naomi for a moment, and then her eyes fell towards Emily in a doleful expression. Something in the way she stared gave Emily a sense of foreboding she couldn't quite shake.

'You have a visitor,' Gina informed them.

The options passed through her mind quicker than the face of her father appeared in the doorway. She couldn't decide if she wished it had been someone else instead, though deep down she knew he was the safest possibility. She sat up tall, pulling away from Naomi. Her chest tightened and her eyes grew moist. She needed to cry, yet didn't want to in front of her dad. Naomi's hand slipped to her back, rubbing it gently in a comforting way.

'We should leave you to it,' Naomi suggested, but as she attempted to stand, Emily reached for her hand and wouldn't let go.

Rob accepted the seat offered to him by Emily, where he sat with his knees jiggling and his eyes darting between the two of them. He looked as nervous and unsure as Emily felt; only, he didn't have the hand of a loved one to squeeze.

'I've done everything I can love,' he informed her. 'You're my little girl, none of that will change. I promise you.'

'But?' she whispered, tentatively.

'No buts, no buts.'

He stood up and moved closer, taking her spare hand and holding it between his own. He perched on the edge of the coffee table.

'Emily, Emsy, my sweet baby girl, you will always be my daughter, you'll always be in my life.'

'For fuck's sake dad, just get to the point,' Emily snapped, the suspense of whatever was coming making the situation too difficult. She just wanted it over with.

'Your mum,' he began, clearing his throat. 'Your mum doesn't want to see you anymore, she doesn't want you to come back to the house. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.'

The words hit like icicles falling from a frozen cave onto her already painfully cold body. The air in her lungs dissipated and the lump that was slowly building in her throat took control, sending tears to her eyes. She watched Rob wipe a couple of his own tears from his cheeks.

'I'm so sorry Emsy,' he muttered again, lowering his head, ashamed.

'No,' she told him, harshly. 'Don't apologise. This isn't your fault. It's _her_.'

'But,'

'No buts dad, no, this is _her_ decision.'

After the preliminary tears had fallen, the weight that had been sitting on her shoulders since coming out to Jenna had fallen away. She was disappointed and upset that her own mother couldn't accept who she was. It was still early days. There was still time for her to change her mind. But ultimately, she didn't actually _care_. Not as much as she expected to.

'I know, but I feel responsible, I should have made it okay.'

'Don't do this,' Emily assured him. 'You've been everything I could have asked for, it's not your fault she doesn't agree with you.'

She'd spent years trying to gain her mother's approval, now it no longer mattered. She accepted herself, against the prejudice of her family; she'd grown to love her sexuality and that mattered more than Jenna's approval. She still wanted her to love her; she still wanted her to act like she cared about her, that wouldn't change. But she was done trying to be the daughter her mother wanted. Instead, she was who she wanted to be and nobody would change that.

'Thank you for telling me though,' Emily sighed.

Naomi's hand squeezed hers tightly, reminding her she was there, beside her, always supporting her. Emily took a deep breath in an attempt to gather her shaky emotions.

'I was always frightened,' she admitted. 'I was scared that telling you and mum would be the worst thing I could do. I was frightened of being alone. But now I don't have to worry about that. Not when I have you, and Naomi and Gina, even Katie, I suppose.'

'You deserve more.'

'I deserve to be happy.'

Rob lowered his head and then nodded it slowly. 'You deserve to be happy.'

His hands, cupped tightly around her fingers, stopped shaking and they shared a smile. She reached a hand out to his cheek and wiped a flowing tear. She kissed his lightly on the side of his face.

'Do you want to stay for some tea?' Gina asked, popping her head back into the room.

'Not really a big fan of tea,' Rob muttered, standing up and wiping his face again, before plastering a smile on his lips. 'But I would love a cup of strong, black coffee.'

'You won't find coffee in this house dad,' Emily laughed. 'You should try one of Gina's fancy teas; they're not the same as the boring stuff mum gets in.'

'Okay, I'll have whatever you think is best.'

Once Gina had served the tea, the three Campbell's, Rob and Emily sat around talking, drinking and sharing each other's company. Emily sat back in her seat, watching her father interact with her girlfriend and girlfriend's mother. The easy exchange of conversation occurred between her most favourite people. Watching from the side, she couldn't stop smiling. There were many things that over the years she'd been scared of, things she'd put off doing and avoided because of what might happen. Now she'd faced her fears and sure there had been some casualties along the way, but none of it mattered anymore. Her mum didn't want to see her and that hurt, it physically hurt if she thought about it too much. But then there were the people sat around her, talking about her, talking to each other. They were what mattered; they had always been the people that mattered. It had taken her a long time to see that in her life she didn't need everyone to approve or make her decisions; she just needed them to love her regardless. As she sipped on her tea, she found herself relax, her whole body sinking into the sofa as though, for the first time, there was nothing at all she had to worry about.

**THE END!**

**Author Note****: So...thoughts?**


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